If what I write here makes you hurt, just know that I hurt too. And if I keep it quiet I hurt still. So I am allowing mYself to let this out. You will not understand how good that feels until you allow yourself to as well.
Being adopted is like being Harry Potter. But the one thing is that you don’t realize you have that scare and that it gets triggered. And like a ferrel cat you go off and get squirly when your wound gets hit. But it’s all you’ve ever known. And like a wild cat you just run. To heal means turning around and facing ALL that scared you, and all that wounded you. It’s daunting. But must happen for restoration of what is. Which means. I gotta spit out all of what we all thought about it. I must weigh in. And then we all adjust to what is after I and my people give our feedback about how this wonderful modality felt as a human having to experience it. And we’ll. It was not so good. Why? I missed my mom. Even though I got a brand new one. My body knew the difference. And I think this is a hitch in the plan that kind of busts up all the love and light everyone’s talking about while we (the adoptees) all are playing the silent game for fear of it happening again. It is happening again. And again. And again. Because we are silent. Except to new victims. And each day the toll gets higher of how many families are ripped up. So our truth is key to stop this madness and we have weathered life storm and are still living. But we are living lies, and we know it. WE live the lie the world, our Mothers ignorantly gave us to live. But our hearts beat for our families of origin and it does not stop. We will long until the day we die, because we are designed that way.And our Adopted families know it deep down. But they don’t want to look at the truth, which is your still barren and now you’ve fucked up a child for your own want for a child, but you took one from another who got a bad wrap and has to give hers up or face the shame from a society that does understand its own world at all. So let’s fix this. Or at least I am gonna stand to fix this madness that takes perfectly fine woman and their babies and begin to support the process of Procreation.
God made this planet. Maybe God has some ideas about population control we have missed? Maybe if we took all the shame off sex we might find some other options? Like pleasure without penetration? Or mastrabation? And my favorite is this one. Shameless Education about the truth of procreation! Oh, now that’s an idea! Use Grace to teach? Yeah. Let’s educate people. So the adoption agencies have to go out of business? No babies to take from their mothers in the name of love. Nothing More for you to do? Your damn right! If young girls were educated. Really educated. Like let’s have girls learn about being a mom. What being pregnant means? Talk is cheap. Let’s show them. If we don’t start teaching better we are doomed to be repeating this ignorance. And the world is ignorant still in 2016 of these things. And the horror goes on. God does not forget the children rejected by their mothers. And God does not forget those who support that separation. And America is the worst. So greedy. Wanting. Not having. So they take. They take children from those down and out. And give them to those who lack a child but have money to buy one? We think we know so much? The adoption industry feeds off the ignorance of adults. And tears little hearts out by taking those children God very carefully placed inside another and gives the child to someone who could not conceive? And that is not better.
And I’ll tell you why?
New research has surfaced and it shows that when babies are conceived and begin to grow within their Mothers womb they actually make stem cells that are created to stay with in the Mother. These stem cells actually create the Mother instinct. And are what keeps the child safe. This is by design. And the new Mom lacks those cells and is not able to care for the child as the Mother of origin could. Even on a bad day, she’s gonna do better, why? Her Childs cells help her do better? A Mother who has relinquished a child is doomed to a personal hell of not being able to guide that child after relinquishment she will toil and feel what the child feels even though they are apart. So why do this at all is my questions? We are dooming woman when we suggest they deny their calling. And being a Mother is a call. Look at my Mother, she has four children from her womb, but she relinquished me and that had an effect on her. She broken for sure. What is broken? Her Mother instinct that is what is broken. She does know how to act like my Mother? My cells are still inside her. Why is she not acting like my Mother? Oh, yes, yes, societal presents have told her she not my Mother anymore? Yep, they told her she could take the rest of her life off the job, but does the universe agree? I think not. Even though we have free will, it’s not free, so we have paid a price for this, she pays a price for this option to clear her name, that should’ve never needed to be cleared at all. Woman need to be protected and their ability to conceive and co-create with God is a sacred career. And the universe is designed that way. But we in our finite wisdom of nothing think we know better than the design of this earth and are fucking around with something we don’t even have a grasp on.
You know just because everyones got free will, does not mean it’s free. As we can see looking at this world that many suffered due to another’s actions. And we all act like free will is such a privilege? And we act like it’s a right! But to truly be a grown up in this world is to come to the realization that nothing here is free. And we all pay a price. And my questions is, when will we learn? When will we as a species see that our instincts, not our brain power, is our best bet. And that separating Mother and child is about the most ignorant thing we have invented. And everyones gonna see pretty soon how bad it is inside all of us Adoptees. For our wounds are being squeezed for a reason. The truth must come out, for it is what sets us free.
My story is not as horrific like some, There was mostly mental abuse, but not because it was intentional, but out of ignorance. My Mother were not educated at all about adoption. And they did not educate themselves about it. So, what do you get when you don’t educate yourself about you child? You come out without really knowing what is going on. And my Moms made up dream lives about me. They each had their idea of what this experience was about to them. But have traveled through life not even know what this has done to me, the child. Personally I hate being the bearer of bad news but I must persist or this will persist.
And it is a really tough job having to grow up, and trying to figure this out, figure out what was making me upset and what hurt so bad. Growing up adopted means you think about your Mom all the time and you pine for her. You grow up wishing you could share your crayon art with her, your picked flowers, your wet kisses, a warm hug of love, and having those denied to you due to your conception is a tormented way to live for anyone. And children relinquished mourn the loss, but have no place safe to share that, expect with each other and that iffy too. Our trust has been broken, so we don’t want to happen when we were born to happen again. Many of us on an unconscious level avoid saying anything so to avoid it. It’s like an auto-pilot thing. Our Mothers are gone and we mourn, that’s how it is. And if an Adoptee tells you different, bring them to me, I can break it open so it can heal. Why? Because it’s there and to prolong the ignorance is mean. Adoptees want to heal.
Now, I work to educate my Mothers. Because what they got told was a lie. It was what someone said about it. It was probably a man. Men have been trying to tame woman for years. Trying to keep us to themselves. What floors me is that they thought I would not notice them taking me from my Mother! Well ,may I set the record straight right here. I knew the difference the day I went home with my Adopted Mom. And I mourned that day in my crib for a loss I could not understand? Everyone around me was so happy about me, and it was confusing. Because, I felt pain, and in the crib alone, my little heart mourned the loss of my Mom. And each day we are apart I mourn, and she alive, which makes the pain even more hurtful. Why? Because she’s right there, in another state. My Mother is there, in another state, and we are estranged, because I told her my truth and she thinks I hate her. And she was told a lie and can’t believe me when I say my truth about it. And all I am is a grief stricken child who wants her Mother, a mother who in fact still lives.
Let me ask you this. Is that to much to ask? Well, it is a very complicated thing to desire after Adoptions. Why? Because Mothers are wounded too in the process and they get all jumbled up. They begin to malfunction as Mothers. And it causes the children of those relinquished to act weird too. The whole process of Adoption is not natural. And it is causing unnatural things to happen in our world. We don’t notice it. Because people don’t educate themselves about cause and effect. And we are all hung up on shame which make it messy.
The Churches have deemed illegitimate pregnancy and claimed God said it. And I am a spirit filled christian. I love God. But adoption is from hell. Meaning it is not how this world was created. And it causes those who participate in it to be in a hell of sorts. Mothers are reporting this very thing at new high levels, but no ones listening. So the adoptee’s needs to start speaking. Birth Mothers do not have the power we have. For they suffer because of relinquishing, they feel to blame, for the world says things like this about woman who are preyed upon, “What a slut, she should’ve kept her legs shut?”, or “You chose to sleep with that boy, you made your bed now lay in it”. Who started this ignorant shit? Like have you never had that feeling of attraction? Yeah? Well, God made that! And we go around calling girls sluts for falling into having sex ,which is part of this scenario here, or we can put on our big people pants and educate the masses! We are daft. I mean education is the key. But we feel that battle numbers and math are way more important to educate our children? While the world goes on in ignorance about the one thing that keeps this going.
But the Adoption industry is as ignorant as they come, or are they? And Adoptees have the upper hand. Why? WE have the data. Yep, we have the raw data about what this experience is like. Oh yeah, and what we got to say is so life changing. But the challenge is this, we have to unleash our tongues. Yeah, we do. You know unleashing that tongue that chose to be silent for fear of rejection? Yeah, that tongue. And to get still and really look at your pain. Let it speak to you and tell you what to say. It’s the only way out of this lie. We must speak our truth about it. Like jews who were tortured, and lived to tell there stories so that we won’t do that again, but we have continued to do it again and again. And the very people who can stand up and change it they are silenced slaves who have no heritage per say, feeling forgotten by a creator, now is our time to strike.
For the Billions of perfectly good children and to their Mothers, and families that Adoption ripped up. God has a reason he sends children. And it’s time we really figure that out. And stop trying to hide something that he designed. We must look at our actions here on this planet as a spiritual classroom as well and this is a lesson we must pass to proceed to the promised land of plenty we want to get back too. There are many things we need to learn. But this one is on my plate to teach. So here I go, just gonna start and not worry about being all together. It will come together as I go and it will make perfect sense. If you are reading this and trying to learn and figure out what i say, then keep coming in and reading what I say, because Adoptions complicated and takes years to understand. And now is the time to spill the data for sure. More children are exploited by this very thing each year and if your don’t stop and listen to me it could be your daughter who is touched by it and your grandchild who is separated from you. I do not want that for you, for it is painful.
The crimes against Mothers is just as heinous. Why? Oh, because those Mothers were taken advantage of. At young ages many of these mother are desperate. What are they desperate about? Well, let me tell you what they are desperate about? They are desperate about their reputations. Yeah, sound shallow right now in 2016. But today there are woman being preyed upon about his very thing. And it has got to stop! Society put so much on a reputation. And when a woman is caught up in a sexual encounter ; which is in fact a natural and normal thing, we society have made it sick and disgusting. Not God, he ordained it. WE with our free wills have distorted something that is precious and worthy. And woman I feel need to educate themselves and to educate their daughters to go against the tide of this world right now, for a change is needed. Woman are being preyed upon right now. And we have given this world the power. So it is time to take it back. And to clean up this mess society as a whole has made. Mothers need to embrace the children that the world made them believe was a mistake, as far as I can see, God makes NO MISTAKES. But we in our finite minds think we know what’s going on here, we do not. But I know this one thing, and I am talking about it. It hurts.
And woman gets pregnant after having an awesome ordained experience with a man God created and now her life is in the trash can or soon to be if she doesn’t get rid of that thing that now grows inside her? Sounds kind of stupid like that doesn’t it? Yeah it does, But this is going on everyday still. Everyday, some poor girl who just wants to be loved and sexual intimacy is love, and will get pregnant and not know it, and then the pain starts. The tug of war starts about what she did and what she’s just opened her self up to, and people will tell her horror stories about it so she will not show up for her calling. Why do we have to make them pay for something that God designed? Like we are fucked up as a species. Other species just go with the flow, but no we with the free will don’t even know what free will is? We hold free will like a sword and wield it around and cut things up that are perfectly good, and call it our right. Then when we have to look at what we have done, and we still run and hide. Thinking God will strike us down? But what God wants is for us to learn. Children are the most important thing here. Jesus spoke about that.* He said suffer the little ones to come unto me. And if the son of the Creator of the universe says it, we should listen. Lets look at it even if we take God out of it. Lets just look at this like scientists. What adoption is doing to this planet is confusing the design of it for sure. WE are perverting this place with our untrained minds and rampant fleshly reasonings. It is time to stop the train and have a pow wow and get it straight. And I feel this his happening right now. In this 2016 we will see more adoptees come forward with their truths, they re strong and they will do this, so get ready world. The data is coming in about this and you’re not going to like it, but we must learn and do better, we must.
Look around you. The universe is showing us how to be. WE think that we with our finite minds alone can make this world great. We take the scriptures and use it like a right to say that we are the ruler of this planet, that this planet summits to us. WE are so ignorant indeed. For Mother Nature with one felt swoop can wipe us all out and start over. So we need to pay attention these days, for many things are coming to light. Adoption is one of them dear to this Universes heart. And we better do something about changing is. Because the Universe, God, and Mother Nature are not very happy hearing all these orphans crying for their Mothers. In fact the prayers have reached the Ears of their creator. And we are letting warmongers like the Adoption industry go instructing woman to give up their babies to atone for their actions. People! We have it all wrong.
This blog is an example of what Adoption does to a person. And as you read, you see how upsetting it is. And I did not clean it up for you like most folks do. I wrote on here from my heart which has been bleeding, for years!!! Years! And I tried to tell my Adopted Mom, she didn’t want to hear it, she had nothing she could do about it, even thought she signed a legal document to do just that. I have tried to get to my Mother to hear me, but she’s been sold a faulty bill of sale too. She thinks adopting is fine too, but now she thinks she has given birth to an insane child, because I spoke out about how I felt. She’s mad at me? Or she thinks she mad at me, but the truth is she mad at herself. i don’t particularly want that. But the very struggle we have shows she was misinformed too. For Mothers love their children, but mine still thinks I am a mistake? Who told her that? Society! Society told her that I was a mistake.Thanks Society! You’re such a bitch! I will get you for sure. How? I will get you with Knowledge. For knowledge is power folks. And my Moms are not filled with knowledge about me. But they have a gapping hole of ignorance.
I love my Moms. Don’t get me wrong. But ignorance in a family like this is just not acceptable by me the one affected by it. When you get pregnant you read about your child and the pregnancy.The prospective mom is getting ready for her job as a mom. I love how God designed it to be on the job training while your little bundle of joy is bing built right inside you? But the info has been tainted for adoptees. And we need to shut this shit down and I mean now! Adoption is torture. Adoption is the worst prison camp. For children must be imprisoned and their rights taken away so they can live? Their heritage and personal information withheld from them, they must go on with a half download from their Mother About this world, and we get to know our Mothers while inside them. Science is in that we actually can recognize our mOthers speech patterns. But we take that half a download and and our wits about us and we hit the floor running at life. No comfort, no hugs from the Mother who made them. We love another Mother, a replacement. Our Moms only showed up for half the job, society said she could just not do what God called her too.
But we are not even given intelligent answers as to why our Mothers have done this? And that does not diminish the value of a woman who showed up, but expresses that the bond of child is to its own Mother is unbreakable. Folks we have to look at this. I demand it as my birth right here. No child should have to go on without the Mother the universe gave them. Its just insane! I am not talking about children who have lost a mom to death of course these children deserve a person to love and nurture them, but they had a mom and the one difference in children who’s moms has died and those who are just given up is that they are aloud to mourn that loss, hell adopted kids who’s moms just gave us up aren’t even given counseling for our loss, because our mothers have not been educated. And I feel that lies on the Industry that has done this to us. Maybe we need some Errin brocavich Up in this bitcha nd we all we go sue their sorry asses and be done.
There is a way. And God is showing me. But Adoptees must be strong and take back what the Adoption Industry has taken from us. Our Families are important to us. Our Mothers who do not realize how important they are to our wellbeing. These woman have been brain washed tot believe that they can pass the child inside them to another if they don’t want it. They are right in the fact of it, but wrong in the doing of it. For to do so causes such disruption in our Eco system, the Eco system of the family and of our species. WE suffer each day, that is an energy is it not? And yet it does unnoticed and untended to by those involved with it. Children are misunderstood each day. And there little hearts don’t know what to say, they could be rejected again by the new family if we tell them we want our Mommy’s, our real Mommy. A child who has been separated from it’s Mother does not act like one who has not. And those who have not experienced this can not fathom what its like. I work to educate you with my words. And I am very raw, for that is the only way to make you see.
The way it to confront it. To hit it head on. We must be strong and we are. For the rejection has already happened and it will not happen again, only if you reject your self. Our Mothers could not protect us from this Monster. But we can, by stomping it out. It is our time Adoptees and I am encouraging you all to get a blog and for us all to link up our stories. Lets clasp ourselves together with our pain and stand together to show the world our ugly inner wounds that this gave us? We can do this together and be Mothers to our selves. I know this will break the spell of Adoption. For like slavery, we need to be set free. We need to be set free to love our Mothers, and to stop being shamed for doing so. To love your Mother is to love yourself.
The way is through the mind, and adoptees intel is the intel to break the spell. For Mothers have been told one thing, and they hold to that. Why? Because that is the only way for them to go on and live. But the universe or God has shown me another way. Through it. WE must share our pain, Mother and child. And no one gets out. And Mothers do not get out of this. There efforts or lack of effort is recorded here. And they are not able to hide, for they have entered a public arena by engaging in a legal process to relinquish us. So, to run is not the right direction. The right direction is at the child, and the child towards the Mother. But this will take work. The key is to show up. That is all.
We cannot go into this with expectations. We must abandon the stories we told to survive. And embrace the pain within, for it’s there. And to deny it is futile and useless. WE are all in pain. Lets come clean. I can see it in my Mothers eyes, and in their voices. And to run from pain is like acting like a ferrel cat. WE get spooked and we run, block, you name it. But what needs to be done to heal this is to turn, and run the other way, towards each other. And that is gonna take time too. But time spent with a child is time well spent. The key is to do it. We need to stop worrying about this or that. Just dive in and go. Send cards and call each other, fight and work it out. Tell your truths to each other and cry it out. Time is a wasting, and there is a limit. Get the shit out, get the pain out, and know that it’s not anyones fault, it just is a bad idea, and it needs to stop.
I personally don’t want to have my time be up and not be working on this. My Mother is very important to me, for it was her blood that was given to me, her DNA in me, and just because she’s been brainwashed does not mean I lack love for her. I love her still and am not going to give up on either of my Mothers. I am going to educate them about their most precious daughter.
So lets roll our sleeves up and get to healing this.
I will be writing more about my ideas, please share yours too. WE all need to come together with all our Adoptee experiences so that we can come to a more clearer knowledge of what is, so we, yes we can change this. For we know the truth and to not do something is to allow it to perpetuate. Time to take responsibility for what our parents did and clean it up.
*Matt 19:13Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15After laying His hands on them, He departed from there.
Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
9Do not hide Your face from me, Do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not abandon me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation! 10For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the LORD will take me up.Hosea 4:6
King James Version (KJV)
6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.