Have I not been speaking of the purge? Ahead of it.

I am my Mamas forerunner, champion, freedoms writer. Who’s torn down an old story. Lite up her darkest hour with my light of love. Forged through our darkness. Held her hand when no one else could even see, how dark it was for her. Walking through life without me.

Love. Does the work needed to bust through the damns we build with the words we speak. Love tears down what no longer serves our highest good. Love. Never gives up.

A Mama is the the root from which we the seed come from. Humans are walking trees of life. And this human tree, pulled her roots up to travel to my own Mama tree to force a change so radical, so transformative, that it would shake my Mamas roots to cause the dirt to move, to expose what ailed her soul that no one could see and yet we all felt.

My Mama is worthy of such love. My Mama is valuable and precious.

Look at the cards? Hermit? Which is Mama. The devil card. Which is me. Strength which is God. And justice. Which is Chelsie Lynn. Equilibrium, balance. Which is Chelsie true nature.

Healing. Miracles. Are ours Adoptees. And I’ve done this work to prove it can be done for us all. I took the narrow road. The one less taken of taken at all. Into my Mamas soul to scoop out the lies told to her that she clung to to survive without me, like an old blanket she held to comfort herself through this.

So that her arms could and would be free to get the real deal to hold. Me. I’m a key. To her hearts door. This Adoptee? Never gives up on her Mama. Even if I write that I have? That’s just me letting go of words that won’t serve. That’s what folks don’t get about purging.

Don’t hold onto anything. But love. For love has come to Mamas door. And love has won. Xo

Advertisements

The wounds that go so deep.

As Mamas day approaches as we wince and draw back for lack of even a place to send the love we have for our own Mamas. Cut off. Rerouted. Denied. All the words that contributes to our own mental destress.

Where are the Adoptee cards? Where are the cards that help us express ourselves and our love for both our Mamas?

These pics triggers us in ways that we’ve not been prepared to deal with because no one made a healthy viable way for us to deal with these holidays that mean even more to us than most.

How do we even identify with the first pic? Our Mamas were not always their? And just seeing this triggers a response that you can’t even deny or hold back and deny?

These picture draws up pain of denial and abuse at the hands of our caretaker adoption. When you look at an adoptee? I need folks to see. We are denied access to our family tree and it’s hurtful.

That’s the alarm I sound as a siren within adoption.

Wake up! Look at the affects!! Pay attention!! To truly affect change? We must look at what we have done in the past and also look at the affects. So that we can choose better.

Adoption as it stand right now? Is a half ass neck jerk reaction at best. We can do better than that now. And now is when we need to do something different to affect positive change on our future generation.

Mothers Day should be filled with joy. Trillions of children trapped inside adult bodies every year have a difficult time with this day due to some half has knee jerk reaction claiming to be a solution. We can clearly see it’s on moved us around on the board and cause much disruption to our family units as a whole, and affected the world unit as a whole if this monsters still lurking around gobbling up children and reaching havoc on us all.

Let’s get real. We are part of this cell that hangs in space. It’s time to grow up and act like who we are. And do better. We aren’t all kids here.

Being Adopted means.

That where I liked it or not? Where I could? I would? Pass my trauma on to my children. I’d been left to myself. And no matter how many counselors I went too? Not one of them would get me clean. Not one.

I needed God. And I need to get to the bottoms of myself to find the foundation.

What’s driving me? Is my children. To see. To have to see the wounds in their eyes? Has driven me to this purge of my own bullshit that I had no idea I was smearing all over the one I love so much.

You can be an addict and never take a drink. You can have an addictive personality without even a physical drug. Because grief and pain where my drugs. And I was addicted. It’s all I knew. It over shadowed everything and cast a grey hue onto it all.

And? My children deserve better. Change. Looks much like Chaos when all you’ve ever known was a way that was a dead end.

I. Need to face myself. My saving grace? Was that I fed my kids all the tools that I learned and could not use, to use on me and in their own lives. So that they. Could get me clean by showing myself in their mirror.

Doesn’t matter that I can quote scriptures and help others if my own seed suffers. I’m worthless unless they are well too. And that they have a clean and beautiful mirror to gaze into in their own Mama?

My kids have had to look at how wounded I am. To see how hard it was to be a good Mama. All I’ve done is nothing. Nothing. Unless they are healthy. All that I am is nothing if they are healthy.

I’ve learned how much my Mama has over shadowed me. How our past haunted me and that those ghost tormented my children. It’s takes guts to stand up. After being so strong. And to say, I’m fucked up and need to get real so I can do better.

We all have value. And it was time for me to see my own. And to see that my Chelsie needed me to get clean. Thank God she stood up to me. It was so hard for her to kick my ass. But she did. All of them have in their own way.

Because miracle do happen. But not without work and faith. My kids can handle crazy. But they should not have too. And it’s time for me to set up my boundaries. Now. That I see they have theirs.

It’s like I always do it backwards. Them first. Then me. Now. I’m able to put me first. And know. They’ve got themselves set. And God’s got them. Xoxo.

The explanation of my breakdown

when. There is no road. God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Guys. If I heal myself. My Mama will be healed. It reversed. Yes. But by proxy I stand in our gap. The gap of the full circle to bring closure to a long standing wound that between me and Mama. And it’s key that we both get this closure.

When. You give you life to God. God will clean your life up. If. You trust. Tell your truth. And get set free.

It is sad. This mans adopted Mama told him his Mama was trash?

Sad she had too. No offense Quirky Aquarian. Nothing directed at you. Your here trying to help us change this. You don’t count with that. Xox. You woke up. Good on you.

I don’t like to judge. My Mamas judges herself just fine and has accepted her own punishment. No me. She’s can’t handle all this. I’m just to much for her. Now that Mama Jean got done with what she made? Lol.

Poor baby. Just can’t keep up. But. I had to give her one last chance. For old time sake and of course family traditions. Right Mama? We stick together, right? and always turn our cheeks no matter how many times Mama slams the door on it? Or your sister? Right Vicki? Lol. Wonder if Mama names Vicki after my Daddy?

Wonder if she had a crush on him? Oh snap? Cats out of the bag now? Bye?