Pink is an avatar to me

And the words in her songs speak to me so deeply. Her songs give me strength to fly and be the change I want to see in this world. She’s light I follow. Thank you pink for being you and being where you are to show me where I can go from where I came from!! So inspired!!

I send this song to anyone who read here that needs courage to speak their truth.

Dear Adoption

Dear Adoption, You Tried to Forget My Mother

Dear Adoption, Contributor

8 months ago

Dear Adoption, You Tried to Forget My Mother

When I was in kindergarten you tried to made me forget her for the first time. I asked my mom where the woman was who carried me in her belly. That day my mom told me it was not her. “That woman was a drug addict and is most likely dead by now.“ I sat on the floor silently next to my mom. It was on that day, I realized, being an adoptee began to shape my daily life.

It was the legal lie on my birth certificate which started it. Stating my adoptive mother gave birth to me on the first day of October. My mom never gave birth to me or any child. That was the reason I was brought from a far away place to central Europe to live with a white, german couple. But that lie is still on paper. My existence and my presence is proof I am not physically related to them, but my own birth certificate denies that fact. The name of my mother was erased and was supposed to be forgotten forever.

My parents decided to make things “easier” and forget about her too. They had what they needed to make a family: her child, a falsedocument, and endless love. Just like they were told. Like you, Adoption, told them.

So I was to celebrate my birthdays without acknowledging that someone else gave birth to me; without hearing my mothers voice, or seeing her face. We celebrated without anyone even slightly considering she was the one who gave us a reason to celebrate.

I never heard the story of how I was conceived. I never heard the story of how I was born. I never heard the story of where my parents met. I never heard the reasons why they where gone.

But there is one story told to me repeatedly… The story of how I grew in the hearts of my adoptive parents. “You never grew in my belly, but you grew in my heart with the strength of that endless love I have for you.” So I grew from a fetus to a baby in a heart. That sounds unhealthy to me. Is this really what we are to believe? Do we really need the story of my life to be a fairytale? Am I not a human being anymore? As far as I am concerned I have a belly button. And the more you all forget about the existence of my mother, the more I hold onto her in silence.

My Birthday was coming up again. It was around my early twenties. I decided to sneak and steal my adoption papers. I was looking for names that were never heard spoken out loud; to find the truth about where I was from, who I was before I was “The Adopted Child”. I wanted to know. My hands were sweaty, my heart was racing. I was psyched and ready for some truth. But all I found was lacking documents, crossed out names, falsified birthdates and a foreign language. There it was again: your fairytale, Adoption. All my papers from my early existence looked like the first draft of a story someone expressively worked on; crossing out words, working new words in, and trying it all over again. The file felt like a heavy and dusty story book in my hands.

On that day I promised myself I will be skeptical of everything in those papers; as long as I will not see my mothers face again, hear her voice telling me her version of my story, hear her validating, what you Adoption made us all believe about her.

Dear Adoption, I will not forget my mother. All my existence lies in her. And I will not allow you to forget her either. I will show you her face.  I will show all the faces of those mothers you deny. And this will change your appearance for ever.

Yennifer has recently launched a campaign on Kickstarter; No Mother, No Child is a photography project in which she will take photographs of the Colombian mothers whose children were adopted internationally and tell their unique stories to make good on her promise. Follow up on her project on Facebook and Instagram.

Yennifer Villa was adopted from Colombia in the early 90’s. She was raised in Germany. Yennifer studied economics, sustainability and design. She is a Cologne based photographer, activist and international adoptee ambassador.

https://dearadoption.com/2017/10/11/dear-adoption-you-tried-to-forget-my-mother/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

It’s horrible when…. and then, a miracle.

It was horrible growing up knowing my Mama was lying to herself about me? It was horrible coming home to an Woman who was now blinded by her own ideas of her own child. It was horrible and I won’t lie to please anyone. Not even her. Why? Cuz we all need to win at life and adoptions like this are a loss until all understand each side of the coin.

Mamas can’t grow better without their own kids shit to nourish her root system that’s been torn by her own hands for a reason she can’t even see? A blessing she can’t even feel worthy of? Mental health is important. Especially for your Mama, Coach, commander, and chef. I was removed and my place altered. But my Mama is still my Mama no matter how far she threw me away.

It’s horrible to have to be the one to wake your Mama up and to know only god could train you to help her. No Mama should be that off course when her gift come back to be opened and she so scared due to her own thoughts about it to even open you up to see what jewels are inside you. But know this. Faith is not built in situations that are comfortable. No. Faith is build through the times when things seem dark, to force your light to shine.

Mamas learning about my faith and it’s changing hers I I speak here to show her what god’s done with her baby seed. And how it’s grown beyond her wildest dreams. So much so? She’s struggling to see herself in me. But she’s here safe within me and she gonna see the world through me as Hod unwraps me for her. So she can see what God did with her child and to grow her faith. Miracle do happen. I am a miracle child. Sent back to love her back to herself wholly.

I am grateful God never gives up.

Thanks for diving deep with me today.

I love this guys take on Capricorn woman!!

The reason we are called the devil is because………., once we are done with something and have had enough? Watch out! Because you will see Jesus! Flipping that table, mind, finger, up and over! To get, your attention!! This person here has the ability to drag it out of people and throw it away. Like I am doing for my Mama. It’s like,”give me that shit!” And I take it and throw it away and tell you why! So I know how valuable I am.

And I have a very high standard! Higher law is my standard and God has trained me. Mama could do it. Why? Because it wasn’t loaded into her. And I came to do something. To be the change needed. To bring light to many things. Mama did not see that inside herself. She was right. She did not. And Mama Jean does. And I needed that. This is the ultimate truth here beyond what was and what Mama thought was.

Watch this video. I love the part where he talks about Virgo who’s a freak in the bed behind closed doors!!!!!!! Lol. That’s my Mama. Lol. And she need to walk in that truth and be proud of her sexuality! Especially now. Phil’s body may be dead and gone, but his spirit still lives. And my Mamas not dead even if she feel like it. God and Phil want her to find love. But if Mama can’t release her grief, that’s also attached to me? She will not have that and will block her own blessing. For real. We all do.

I’ve learned this precept at the feet of the almighty. Which for me, is everywhere. God speaks me always. And used me always. I am a vessel of device because my Mama threw me into service when she abandoned me for lack of not having what I needed. Sure. My inner child did not like that? And that’s part of my journey, taming the beasts i came from. Taming the flesh that wars with the spirit that is god within. I am helping Mama love her beast as I do.

She’s not looked into a mirror this clean and pure since the day she gave me away. And it’s shocked her. But energy work is about shone and shining light into dark places. And it’s my calling. And Mama was at the top of God’s list of people to help. And I obeyed. Mama will settle down now that the shock is wearing off. Her system will return to her old self before Phil passed. God’s shown me our promised land. And once you see it? It’s a sign to tell you you can have it. And I believe in signs.

Mama is my Moses. And I am her Arron. And she will see this promised land. It’s is destiny. It’s fated by God. And coming home it natural after you’ve graduated. To celebrate with your Mama and feel her respect at a job well done. Mama did not realize her child would be so bold. She forgot how bold she was that day she walked away. But god’s not done with her yet. No. God’s gonna use her and all those codes from a book to also stand with me activate change. You are ready Mama to do this. Stop procrastinating.

Our time has come. So. Don’t mess with this Capricorn. Saturns in orbit and I am home in my rebuking planets which is karma baby. Sweet karma. I’ve just trimmed my Mama way back like a beautiful rose bush. She gonna bloom ten thousand folks as soon as she out of being dormant. And she will take to the air to speak about her journey. And I will stand by her side and back that woman up!

If I am here? Watch out! Cuz Mama is gonna speak!! Cuz I just lit her ass on fire from my Daddy! Who was a fire sign!

He says to her through me.

Back at ya Linda! “Your welcome” I never forgot about you. And I love who we made. Love her as I did. There was no shame in our game and I feel hard for you my darling. As hard as man can go down I went down for you. You are my twin flame. And our child is now your twin flame and my love is preserved within this child. You only have to accept my pure gift, honey. I am sorry I left you. I apologize for your pain. Please. Don’t take it out on our child my sweetheart. Remember my love for you now because it’s living on in her. So drink it in. I know you are thirsty. Drink.

My father loved my Mama. Like no other. And I am the shameless love child. No one can tell me different. I met the man and he melted like puffy in my hand and wrapped himself around me. I didn’t need to wrap him around my finger. He did it himself like a cat in my arms that’s man loved me so deeply and was so amazed to see what the woman he loved had made from his seed.

Have a great week guys. Thanks for showing up while I deal with my Mama issues!! I hoe you found something that can help you on your journey.

God bless!!