Breaking up a holding pattern is not easy, but it can be done.

Breaking up my old holding patterns that I held with my Mothers was not easy. But this blog is proof it can be done. It is hard work of the soul, working with DNA within the body that has been programed by so many down the ages. Our ancestors program us all. That is what has fascinated me about being an Adoptee, the patterns in different people and families.

When you don’t know who you came from, or why you act as you do. When you don’t act like anyone you know? You become fascinated by the pattern in families. And you learn from them all. You learn their ways. And you are forced to act in ways that your body does not always like. Like foods you eat and things you do, ways you act, as in ways they act. It is quite fascinating indeed and as an Adoptee, I was watching everyone. Cuz my family was gone. So I needed to learn all I could to live and be my best. My birth Mother does not agree with my best and obviously judges me by her standards only.

I came to broaden her view and the views of my family. I mean I have learned that there ways are not like my ways for sure. Keeping family secrets is one I saw and confronted. It is not good to keep secrets from family members, it is hurtful. Especially when a child is the secret. I marvel at how my sisters just think it great? They say nothing about how I am treated. But codependency is like that isn’t it? Keeping the holding pattern in place so as not to tip the boat? Well, this boat is sinking folks. It has always been taking water. And the day I returned? Well, it was doomed to drown.

And that boat sinking, is not so bad. If we plan for it? If we call in another boat. A boat where all can ride? And get along? But when you are merging a new boat with new passengers, you must have a meet a greet. And truth should be the best foot first. Even if its hard to take. When we learn about others, and there strength and weaknesses, for a team does not work well unless all strength and weaknesses are visible and accessed. We see, that one has this strength and this weakness and we pare them with someone who has the strength to cover their weakness, you see?

Everyone wants to lead with their strength, but I look at the weaknesses, so that I can be that strength, when they need it. That is a good team member who know all about the people they are on a team or boat with. Only seeing strengths is lopsided as I see it. Because if you do not see the weakness, you will be blindsided when the person weak in that area is called to act. And so, we, if good team mate learn to help those who struggle in a certain area, to help them be stronger.

Our boats are merging, and have merged, but my Mother and sisters and nieces and nephews have not gotten off the old boat. You know, the one without me? And my boat, the boat God wishes us to get into, is so cool. Its full of love, and laughs and authenticity and honesty, like most families. But ours is slit up, we don’t act like a real family? What sisters would not invite their sister to come a visit? And me invite them? Ours. Except my sister Vicky, I invited her, and she came. It was amazing to have my big sister here. I was comforted to have her here. xo

But my other sisters, well, they are in their own little worlds without me. It seems they like it without their sister? And that troubles me, as a christian and as a sister. It troubles me that they could care less? They enjoy my Mother, and weekends and camping with her? Without me? Hmmm? Seems they think I could care less too? Well, I do care. I am a sister for God sake, like one who has dreamed of sisters so lovely as they? And yet, they do not feel the same? God has given us a chance, and I am tired of squandering it. They are God fearing folks? Do they not wish to let me into the fold? As God instructs? Hell, I opened my home to strangers, homeless folks? They can’t even let their sister in? Where is Christ in that?

Fear of the unknown is strong. And I smell it with them. I am coming back after all this time and turning it all up side down. But that is not true. The day I left it was turn upside down, I bring it right side up, and folks don’t really like change. I disrupt the feedback loop they are in. But that is not so bad? Would they want me to treat them so if they were me? Hell, no. I know how that feels. but would they want me to just forget them? Or not even try? And yet they are content to just go on without knowing me? Really knowing me?

Like my one sister who has relinquished a child, Yes the pattern continued and my sister followed int he steps of my Mother. And so you see, the feedback look of Adoption continues. And a child will come home.And my sister has the one person that can help her with that time, right within her grasp. And yet she has not reached out to me, she has recoiled. To the point that I had to come on her, and out her, so she would tell her children. They said they did. But, well, I am not sure about that. Her children have a right to know about their brother. Cant she see how it went with my Mother and me? Hello, wake up honey, don’t be like this? Guess she can’t see that side of it. To prepare is to be aware. Sister babe, I am proud of you for telling them if you did, but if not? Get to it, they will find these posts and be pissed you chose not to speak truth to them. Also, if you are lying, which is to withhold the truth, you will see lies in them and we don’t want that. It says a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump, now does it not?

It is not easy speaking truth to a family that has lived a lie for so long. The lie is living without their sister, who is alive and wanting to know them, all of them. So what I am weird? So what if I am strange, to you maybe? But your strange to me, especially since you are so distant and like not even talking to me? Hello?

Codependency is deep in this situation. You play the role Mama gives you. And you forget me. Your sister. And yes I am calling you out on my blog before the whole world, why? Well, 24 years of trying on my part, that is why? Because you all block me? Because you have not tried to understand me? You have judged me unstable? Well, hell ya! My family is not even treating me like family? Going on trips without me? I don’t expect much? But how in the hell will we know each other? Liz, you have so many kids, and you have all those parties, and I was the pastry chef at the Wild horse Saloon! I was trained in many of the best hotels in the nation. Like I could slam it out for you? Nope, you don’t even like me I guess? I painted your bathroom for god sake? Like that is sisterly? And you don’t even call me when you get a divorce? Hell, I can’t call you, I don’t have your number, or your address? You guys treat me as though I am some felon, which I am not.

And this party is not a party at all. In fact no one had a party for me? But I have made each of you things. Have you? No. And I have sent cards and tried to build a bridge, you dropped the ball. Its like fort knox, this family. And why? What is the deal? You don’t need another sister? Well, to bad, cuz you got one and you really never had the choice. So lets change this feedback loop, this holding pattern is getting in the way of progress. The progress is to merge into what we always have been. Family.

Thank you for diving deep with me.

And God Bless

Hell No I am not happy about this?

Should I be?

Oh, do tell me what to do?

Do tell me its ok?

Oh tell me to suck it up

Tell me to just go away

You think loosing a Mom is just a trifle

You think its just a game?

But God designed it that way.

And we just need to see

That children are supposed to love their Moms

Forever

And that is what I found

I tried to dig her out of my heart.

But you can not cut out DNA

You think I should just get over such a thing?

And yet everyone says that no one gets over loosing their Mom?

Why am I different? Because I was a babe?

You fool yourself to think such a thing?

You are in fact a fool to think that the God of this universe had made a mistake.

WE humans think we know so much and we are as dumb as rocks.

Can a iPhone, merge with a samsung galaxy? Hell no!

And yet we throw children who have learned there Mothers tongue, into families that do not speak it.

We wonder why children relinquished struggle with relating? We are forced to scrap programing while in utero, to learn anew. And we wonder why they struggle to understand things?

We wonder why they are so weird?

Collectively we have done this to them.

And collectively we will undo it.

It is time for change.

Get off your fat ass and do something. Talk to your Adopted kid, give them  place to vent.

Listen to their cries, tend to their wounds.

Give them a safe place to love the one who made them.

Give them a place to mourn a loss, you can not see.

For children are designed to love their Mothers, Grief is the sign of great loss.

Which means great value.

Wake up a little.

Look around you.

We look the same, but inside we are not the same.

And never will be.

But we can change it for another.

We can hold the line.

For a child is looking to their Mother, not other, not even if she is gone.

We remember, it in the DNA.

 

Adoptees wrestle with the mind for a Moral reform 

Ephesians 6:12-13King James Version (KJV)
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
This is our battle ground Afoptees. The minds of each person. And we must speak the truths that we KNOW inside of us that must come out. For we hold the medicine. Our truth is the cure. But we must rally. And believe in ourselves. That is new to actually display. We do inside. But outside. That is where it needs to go! They will be struck dumb by our words. Yes. They will be shocked. Yes. They are brain washed. They think this feels ok? Most people just can not grasp it. So they push it away? They have not experienced what we have? So we must teach them! We must teach the world to do better with us. 

Can’t you see that? We are wounded still. So What’s the difference. They call Us crazy, misfit, adopted, bastard, and on and on. What do we have to loose? All we had was taken from

Us while we were to

Young to fend for ourselves. Our mothers were unprotected and taken advantage of. Our rights stripped from us. It is time. We must stand. We must do the work we came here for. Which is to atop this shit. 

It is a Struggle to change, Adoption Sucks right now, Like this

HOW ABOUT:

I WANT MY MOTHER! Could you kindly unbrainwash her?

It is a struggle to change something. And being Adopted is really off kilter. And when you start you life off, your whole situation is askew. Your view points are askew, your ideas about things like family are very warped. You don’t see it so black and white as folks who are kept safe inside the safe walls of DNA. When you get thrown out like the bath water you see the gutter. I mean our Moms got taken to the cleaners, man. They got taken for a ride that never ends, and gets worse as you go. They struggle to separate like they say and we like fingers in a Chinese torture game are stuck. For a Mother can NEVER SEPARATE FROM HER MOTHER!! And to do so causes grave harm to both of their psyche’s. The mind is part of this picture too. And to ignore it is to say the body can be chopped up and served to anyone. And we all know that is not true, for we have to take meds to accept a body part that is not of our DNA pool, but Adopted kids just get yanked out of a vagina passing by, to get thrown around like puppies, like they have not Cellular memories, like they are just dolls for the making and her for whom ever wants to take them. We are messing with a complex ECO system here folks. And I particularly don’t really like folks fucking with my Eco system, OK!

We are stripped of our heritage, which should be kept in-tacked! That is mine! And I don’t like you just locking it away and keeping it from me for  53 years! My mom has not even given me my heritage, she thinks I don’t give a shit or need it does she? Yeah, she does. Why? Because she has been brain washed. I can keep going and I will. I will not rest until my Mother is woken from this sleep and starts acting like my Mother! My kids tell me I don’t act right. And I say inside my head now typed onto this page, “Oh, you want me to be a good Mom?, Look at my Mom? She gave me away?” I think in my head, what the fuck do you expect me to do? Look where I came from? I kind of thought I did better by at least keeping them, but they say different. They tell me I am fucked up. They don’t trust me. They run away from me. They don’t like how I talk bout my Mother, but do nothing to help me with the huge job of patching my life back together, they think I should stay all chopped up.

But I am not going to stay chopped up. I want my family back, and I want them to get me. And that is not what we have experienced. My family, myMother, thinks she knows how it supposed to be, HA! And I love that woman, but she is a wrong as wrong can be. And I trie dot tell her, but she all tied up wit shame. Shame is starring down her neck, and breathing on her face. But why is she stuck like this? Because she got told a bunch of hooey! And now that I her daughter have come back, she can’t shift her gears, she thinks I am the enemy? Me, her kid, grown up, and strong, and smart, and I found her? She thinks this of her kid?

NOW THAT IS UP FOLKS. And we have Adoption to thank for this happy family reunion! Thank you Adoption! I know there are many things Adoption has taught me, but keeping my Mom from me by brainwashing her to continue to reject me over and over and over and over is cruel! Ignorance is cruel when truth comes to call folks.

Chime in any of your Birth Mother! I would really like to know what goes on inside those confused beautifully brainwashed heads. Why? Because we are a part of this mess, and it’s time to clean it up and move on. This has come to the end and it was never useful. And now you will see why. For my People hold a truth no one can fight. Our truths of pain from our relinquishment, and the pain while growing up without our families to cheer us on, will make you stager when we finally get it all out. The holocaust has nothing of this folks.

You have delivered a sucker punch to the children God has made inside of our mothers womb to rival Hitler! And I know God is not happy with that. So we need to change this. NO child should be treated like this. Every child should be safe with it’s mother, and we as a society should make that so. Support Mothers, and families and we who are learned, should teach those who struggle to learn? Like duh? But no we create things like Adoption that tear at a fundamental foundation of this society and wonder why the children treated this way suffered and are angry? Wake up.

What is a house on a hill? When you made a baby pay for that dream to happen. Look at your behavior! All over a little baby? The Angels Harold Jesus’s birth, but Society damned him when he was old and could speak about it. We do not think we need a savor. But its not about Jesus, its about what Jesus represents. He is us, the children. So we need to look at what we do? Jesus was himself a fatherless, unwed Mothers child. He had a step father Joseph. Can’t anyone see that? Well, God showed me that?

It’s like Jesus is saying to me, “Go on honey, I did, and look, I showed you, you live on” EAch of us come here to change this world, we each decide what we want to do, but we all pay the price of this free will everyones waving in your face. I payed the price for my Mothers free will, and you supported her to do this. So your all guilty, and I am to if I let it continue without doing something. So here I am, doing what I can. How ever missed spelled I am, however my grammar is off, and even if I don’t make sense. I am sharing my heart with you, from an Adopted child’s heart. I share all that my Little self had to endure living like this. And if I am fucked up to you, then you only add weight to my words. Thank you

Hell, you haven’t even heard how it felt to my kids? They suffer to having me like this and no one thinks its wrong and they think I am the messed up one? No one should be made to live like this. And not many see what I am even trying to say. It is so big, it will take awhile to explain it. So excuse me for being a bit disorganized in my writing, this is how it looks, raw and unedited to be me. I am not going to sprinkle sugar on it for you. I am unable to do that. For a report must be reported accurately. And it pains me to tell you, yes it does. I can see it in the eyes of those I share it with, they first get a deer in the head light look on their faces and then they kind of pull away. It hurts even the person you tell it too, they want to deny it.

I am really glad my kids are honest though, I think I would be so messed up with out them telling me how fucked up I am. They scrunch their noses at me? As if I smell, I probably do, they have heard it their entire lives, even while in the womb. I wrote about my Mom while pregnant with her, I missed her so much and had so many questions for her. This is what we get o deal with, dead ends and unfinished roads that lead to no where. Thank you Catholic Society! The church is such a positive support network for us woman isn’t it?

Why would anyone treat an orphan that their own mom did not want any better? Like you didn’t have to work for it? You just walk in and think you can take over where my Mom left off? Good try. Now my Adopted Moms got to see, yes see the proof that that is just not true. A Mom is precious to its’ Child, and no one can take her place and now you have just created some fucked up woman in the name of Adoption, and then say, “Well, looky here! She was a drug addict anyway, look at her, she didn’t deserve that child?” Who in the hell are you to tell God he doesn’t know what he is doing? Who? Who are you? To think God does not know what he is going, or she. WE hang on a rock in space you dumb asses! Gezzz!

If anger is a catalyst for change, I am on fire! And I do not think that I am supposed to stop. For God fuels my fire, this idea has been making this whole universe upset. We are working against the flow of the Natural order and acting like we know it all. I know this. And it sucks big ones! I love my Adopted Mom, she should not have to deal with this either, but I should not have to be silently in pain so she can have her dream? Like what the hell. That is what you ask if you want me to be silent. And why is not my dream important? Or babies for our recreation? Do we get to do whatever we want? Yes, but we all pay a price int he end, You all will be seeing more of me and my people.

It is time for us to tally our poll and show you our research. For we are the being you have experienced with, and our lives. And now you all need to see what a fucked up thing you really did. I can not put my stamp of approval on this. Why? Because I am one person who did not enjoy this. I feel that if the process, that we initiated is not a total success, it is a fail and should be discontinued. I know that my people, the Adoptees have many More horror stories than I. And as soon as they realize that the pain will not go away until they report their findings, you will see what has really been done.

I am not trying to make sense. Adoption does not make sense. 

I am not trying to make sense. Adoption does not make sense. I am just trying to be real for once!! I have been playing a part that is not mine. I play it for the world. But God has released me from that role to take on a new one. One of my own. The Datas in and I can’t do it anymore. 

Oh. Oh. I shouldn’t be upset? Forget her? She doesn’t know what’s she’s missing? She’s a looser? Her loss? I am better than her? Oh she’s fucked up? Oh I should be grateful for the mother I have? Oh I am a spoiled brat for saying this? Oh that is why God made adoption? Oh, I am over reacting? Oh, I am sick and need professional help? Oh,could I just be quiet about it? Oh, you really should do something about all that anger. Oh, you are sorry I am so upset? Oh, you don’t know what to do? Oh, I have a mother. Love that one. Oh, quit being so angry. Oh, get over it!! It’s just your Mom you lost. No big deal. Here’s another. Now suck it up little

Kid and move on. Your moms gone and she never coming back for you Cuz the world and the church brain wash her into believing she was not the one God wanted to raise me? Oh, ok? My bad for missing my Mom!! You know. The one they say you will not have another? Well fuck that. I know it’s hard to understand what it is like to be me. And how hard it is for a kid to go i. When there mother has been removed and they were not even allowed to griev that loss Cuz every thinks that know what a mother daughter bond is. Well you don’t. And you need to stop messing with people lives like this thinking you are God!! There is reason I was placed inside my mother womb. And I am fixing to fix this shit. Sometimes God sent one spirit to do something so they can feel it. And so they can change it. Cuz this feels predominantly like shit. Why? I MISSED MY MOM THE WHOLE TIME! and it made it hard on my new mom. Can’t you see? Why does a child need to be put in such a position? It’s cruel the way we do

Our babies? All in the name of mother fucking free will? But we don’t see the consequences of our actions. Well get ready folks Cuz the reports are coming in, and your gonna know real soon what’s your doing. Let the scrubbing begin!!

Feel free to post some of the ones you have heard so we can have a good honest look at what fucked up things say to adopted people. Please help me show the lunacy. Your voices matter. I will get through. I am crazy enough time not care enough to say it all out loud. The terrible awful done to us. And they made our moms do it to us. They made our moms cut us up!! And that’s fucked up. And our moms don’t deserve this. They need help out of the shame cage that society put them into and forced them with belittle ment to relinquish the children God was giving to them to help them Gus and heal. If a child within the womb can repair its mother so she can give birth to them. Then what does a child do for a woman life? I know people are trying to save babies from abuse. 

But reliquisment is not the way. Education is the way to empower woman to do better. Not taking away their only hopes!  Not taking away the one thing they made that was worthy and giving it to another. We are way off the path. 

Being adopted is like Harry Potter. 

If what I write here makes you hurt, just know that I hurt too. And if I keep it quiet I hurt still. So I am allowing mYself to let this out. You will not understand how good that feels until you allow yourself to as well.

Being adopted is like being Harry Potter. But the one thing is that you don’t realize you have that scare and that it gets triggered. And like a ferrel cat you go off and get squirly when your wound gets hit. But it’s all you’ve ever known. And like a wild cat you just run. To heal means turning around and facing ALL that scared you, and all that wounded you. It’s daunting. But must happen for restoration of what is. Which means. I gotta spit out all of what we all thought about it. I must weigh in. And then we all adjust to what is after I and my people give our feedback about how this wonderful modality felt as a human having to experience it. And we’ll. It was not so good. Why? I missed my mom. Even though I got a brand new one. My body knew the difference. And I think this is a hitch in the plan that kind of busts up all the love and light everyone’s talking about while we (the adoptees) all are playing the silent game for fear of it happening again. It is happening again. And again. And again. Because we are silent. Except to new victims. And each day the toll gets higher of how many families are ripped up.  So our truth is key to stop this madness and we have weathered life storm and are still living. But we are living lies, and we know it. WE live the lie the world, our Mothers ignorantly gave us to live. But our hearts beat for our families of origin and it does not stop. We will long until the day we die, because we are designed that way.And our Adopted families know it deep down. But they don’t want to look at the truth, which is your still barren and now you’ve fucked up a child for your own want for a child, but you took one from another who got a bad wrap and has to give hers up or face the shame from a society that does understand its own world at all.  So let’s fix this. Or at least I am gonna stand to fix this madness that takes perfectly fine woman and their babies and begin to support the process of Procreation.

God made this planet. Maybe God has some ideas about population control we have missed? Maybe if we took all the shame off sex we might find some other options? Like pleasure without penetration? Or mastrabation? And my favorite is this one. Shameless Education about the truth of procreation! Oh, now that’s an idea! Use Grace to teach? Yeah. Let’s educate people. So the adoption agencies have to go out of business? No babies to take from their mothers in the name of love. Nothing More for you to do? Your damn right! If young girls were educated. Really educated. Like let’s have girls learn about being a mom. What being pregnant means? Talk is cheap. Let’s show them. If we don’t start teaching better we are doomed to be repeating this ignorance. And the world is ignorant still in 2016 of these things. And the horror goes on. God does not forget the children rejected by their mothers. And God does not forget those who support that separation. And America is the worst. So greedy. Wanting. Not having. So they take. They take children from those down and out. And give them to those who lack a child but have money to buy one? We think we know so much? The adoption industry feeds off the ignorance of adults. And tears little hearts out by taking those children God very carefully placed inside another and gives the child to someone who could not conceive? And that is not better.

And I’ll tell you why?

New research has surfaced and it shows that when babies are conceived and begin to grow within their Mothers womb they actually make stem cells that are created to stay with in the Mother. These stem cells actually create the Mother instinct. And are what keeps the child safe. This is by design. And the new Mom lacks those cells and is not able to care for the child as the Mother of origin could. Even on a bad day, she’s gonna do better, why? Her Childs cells help her do better? A Mother who has relinquished a child is doomed to a personal hell of not being able to guide that child after relinquishment she will toil and feel what the child feels even though they are apart. So why do this at all is my questions? We are dooming woman when we suggest they deny their calling. And being a Mother is a call. Look at my Mother, she has four children from her womb, but she relinquished me and that had an effect on her. She broken for sure. What is broken? Her Mother instinct that is what is broken. She does know how to act like my Mother? My cells are still inside her. Why is she not acting like my Mother? Oh, yes, yes, societal presents have told her she not my Mother anymore? Yep, they told her she could take the rest of her life off the job, but does the universe agree?  I think not. Even though we have free will, it’s not free, so we have paid a price for this, she pays a price for this option to clear her name, that should’ve never needed to be cleared at all. Woman need to be protected and their ability to conceive and co-create with God is a sacred career. And the universe is designed that way. But we in our finite wisdom of nothing think we know better than the design of this earth and are fucking around with something we don’t even have a grasp on.

You know just because everyones got free will, does not mean it’s free. As we can see looking at this world that many suffered due to another’s actions. And we all act like free will is such a privilege? And we act like it’s a right! But to truly be a grown up in this world is to come to the realization that nothing here is free. And we all pay a price. And my questions is, when will we learn? When will we as a species see that our instincts, not our brain power, is our best bet. And that separating Mother and child is about the most ignorant thing we have invented. And everyones gonna see pretty soon how bad it is inside all of us Adoptees. For our wounds are being squeezed for a reason. The truth must come out, for it is what sets us free.

My story is not as horrific like some, There was mostly mental abuse, but not because it was intentional, but out of ignorance. My Mother were not educated at all about adoption. And they did not educate themselves about it. So, what do you get when you don’t educate yourself about you child? You come out without really knowing what is going on. And my Moms made up dream lives about me. They each had their idea of what this experience was about to them. But have traveled through life not even know what this has done to me, the child. Personally I hate being the bearer of bad news but I must persist or this will persist.

And it is a really tough job having to grow up, and trying to figure this out, figure out what was making me upset and what hurt so bad. Growing up adopted means you think about your Mom all the time and you pine for her. You grow up wishing you could share your crayon art with her, your picked flowers, your wet kisses, a warm hug of love, and having those denied to you due to your conception is a tormented way to live for anyone. And children relinquished mourn the loss, but have no place safe to share that, expect with each other and that iffy too. Our trust has been broken, so we don’t want to happen when we were born to happen again. Many of us on an unconscious level avoid saying anything so to avoid it. It’s like an auto-pilot thing. Our Mothers are gone and we mourn, that’s how it is. And if an Adoptee tells you different, bring them to me, I can break it open so it can heal. Why? Because it’s there and to prolong the ignorance is mean. Adoptees want to heal.

Now, I work to educate my Mothers. Because what they got told was a lie. It was what someone said about it. It was probably a man. Men have been trying to tame woman for years. Trying to keep us to themselves.  What floors me is that they thought I would not notice them taking me from my Mother!  Well ,may I set the record straight right here. I knew the difference the day I went home with my Adopted Mom. And I mourned that day in my crib for a loss I could not understand? Everyone around me was so happy about me, and it was confusing. Because, I felt pain, and in the crib alone, my little heart mourned the loss of my  Mom. And each day we are apart I mourn, and she alive, which makes the pain even more hurtful. Why? Because she’s right there, in another state. My Mother is there, in another state, and we are estranged, because I told her my truth and she thinks I hate her. And she was told a lie and can’t believe me when I say my truth about it. And all I am is a grief stricken child who wants her Mother, a mother who in fact still lives.

Let me ask you this. Is that to much to ask? Well, it is a very complicated thing to desire after Adoptions. Why? Because Mothers are wounded too in the process and they get all jumbled up. They begin to malfunction as Mothers. And it causes the children of those relinquished to act weird too. The whole process of Adoption is not natural. And it is causing unnatural things to happen in our world. We don’t notice it. Because people don’t educate themselves about cause and effect. And we are all hung up on shame which make it messy.

The Churches have deemed illegitimate pregnancy and claimed God said it. And I am a spirit filled christian. I love God. But adoption is from hell. Meaning it is not how this world was created. And it causes those who participate in it to be in a hell of sorts. Mothers are reporting this very thing at new high levels, but no ones listening. So the adoptee’s needs to start speaking. Birth Mothers do not have the power we have. For they suffer because of relinquishing, they feel to blame, for the world says things like this about woman who are preyed upon, “What a slut, she should’ve kept her legs shut?”, or “You chose to sleep with that boy, you made your bed now lay in it”. Who started this ignorant shit? Like have you never had that feeling of attraction? Yeah? Well, God made that! And we go around calling girls sluts for falling into having sex ,which is part of this scenario here, or we can put on our big people pants and educate the masses! We are daft. I mean education is the key. But we feel that battle numbers and math are way more important to educate our children? While the world goes on in ignorance about the one thing that keeps this going.

But the Adoption industry is as ignorant as they come, or are they? And Adoptees have the upper hand. Why? WE have the data. Yep, we have the raw data about what this experience is like. Oh yeah, and what we got to say is so life changing. But the challenge is this, we have to unleash our tongues. Yeah, we do. You know unleashing that tongue that chose to be silent for fear of rejection? Yeah, that tongue. And to get still and really look at your pain. Let it speak to you and tell you what to say. It’s the only way out of this lie. We must speak our truth about it. Like jews who were tortured, and lived to tell there stories so that we won’t do that again, but we have continued to do it again and again. And the very people who can stand up and change it they are silenced slaves who have no heritage per say, feeling forgotten by a creator, now is our time to strike.

For the Billions of perfectly good children and to their Mothers, and families that Adoption ripped up. God has a reason he sends children. And it’s time we really figure that out. And stop trying to hide something that he designed. We must look at our actions here on this planet as a spiritual classroom as well and this is a lesson we must pass to proceed to the promised land of plenty we want to get back too. There are many things we need to learn. But this one is on my plate to teach. So here I go, just gonna start and not worry about being all together. It will come together as I go and it will make perfect sense. If you are reading this and trying to learn and figure out what i say, then keep coming in and reading what I say, because Adoptions complicated and takes years to understand. And now is the time to spill the data for sure. More children are exploited by this very thing each year and if your don’t stop and listen to me it could be your daughter who is touched by it and your grandchild who is separated from you. I do not want that for you, for it is painful.

The crimes against Mothers is just as heinous. Why? Oh, because those Mothers were taken advantage of. At young ages many of these mother are desperate. What are they desperate about? Well, let me tell you what they are desperate about? They are desperate about their reputations. Yeah, sound shallow right now in 2016. But today there are woman being preyed upon about his very thing. And it has got to stop! Society put so much on a reputation. And when a woman is caught up in a sexual encounter ; which is in fact a natural and normal thing, we society have made it sick and disgusting. Not God, he ordained it. WE with our free wills have distorted something that is precious and worthy. And woman I feel need to educate themselves and to educate their daughters to go against the tide of this world right now, for a change is needed. Woman are being preyed upon right now. And we have given this world the power. So it is time to take it back. And to clean up this mess society as a whole has made. Mothers need to embrace the children that the world made them believe was a mistake, as far as I can see, God makes NO MISTAKES. But we in our finite minds think we know what’s going on here, we do not. But I know this one thing, and I am talking about it. It hurts.

And woman gets pregnant after having an awesome ordained experience with a man God created and now her life is in the trash can or soon to be if she doesn’t get rid of that thing that now grows inside her? Sounds kind of stupid like that doesn’t it? Yeah it does, But this is going on everyday still. Everyday, some poor girl who just wants to be loved and sexual intimacy is love, and will get pregnant and not know it, and then the pain starts. The tug of war starts about what she did and what she’s just opened her self up to, and people will tell her horror stories about it so she will not show up for her calling.  Why do we have to make them pay for something that God designed? Like we are fucked up as a species. Other species just go with the flow, but no we with the free will don’t even know what free will is? We hold free will like a sword and wield it around and cut things up that are perfectly good, and call it our right. Then when we have to look at what we have done, and we still run and hide. Thinking God will strike us down? But what God wants is for us to learn. Children are the most important thing here. Jesus spoke about that.*  He said suffer the little ones to come unto me. And if the son of the Creator of the universe says it, we should listen. Lets look at it even if we take God out of it. Lets just look at this like scientists. What adoption is doing to this planet is confusing the design of it for sure. WE are perverting this place with our untrained minds and rampant fleshly reasonings. It is time to stop the train and have a pow wow and get it straight. And I feel this his happening right now. In this 2016 we will see more adoptees come forward with their truths, they re strong and they will do this, so get ready world. The data is coming in about this and you’re not going to like it, but we must learn and do better, we must.

Look around you. The universe is showing us how to be. WE think that we with our finite minds alone can make this world great. We take the scriptures and use it like a right to say that we are the ruler of this planet, that this planet summits to us. WE are so ignorant indeed. For Mother Nature with one felt swoop can wipe us all out and start over. So we need to pay attention these days, for many things are coming to light. Adoption is one of them dear to this Universes heart. And we better do something about changing is. Because the Universe, God, and Mother Nature are not very happy hearing all these orphans crying for their Mothers. In fact the prayers have reached the Ears of their creator. And we are letting warmongers like the Adoption industry go instructing woman to give up their babies to atone for their actions. People!  We have it all wrong.

This blog is an example of what Adoption does to a person. And as you read, you see how upsetting it is. And I did not clean it up for you like most folks do. I wrote on here from my heart which has been bleeding, for years!!! Years! And I tried to tell my Adopted Mom, she didn’t want to hear it, she had nothing she could do about it, even thought she signed a legal document to do just that. I have tried to get to my Mother to hear me, but she’s been sold a faulty bill of sale too. She thinks adopting is fine too, but now she thinks she has given birth to an insane child, because I spoke out about how I felt. She’s mad at me? Or she thinks she mad at me, but the truth is she mad at herself. i don’t particularly want that. But the very struggle we have shows she was misinformed too. For Mothers love their children, but mine still thinks I am a mistake? Who told her that? Society! Society told her that I was a mistake.Thanks Society! You’re such a bitch! I will get you for sure. How? I will get you with Knowledge. For knowledge is power folks. And my Moms are not filled with knowledge about me. But they have a gapping hole of ignorance.

I love my Moms. Don’t get me wrong. But ignorance in a family like this is just not acceptable by me the one affected by it. When you get pregnant you read about your child and the pregnancy.The prospective mom is getting ready for her job as a mom. I love how God designed it to be on the job training while your little bundle of joy is bing built right inside you?  But the info has been tainted for adoptees. And we need to shut this shit down and I mean now! Adoption is torture. Adoption is the worst prison camp. For children must be imprisoned and their rights taken away so they can live? Their heritage and personal information withheld from them, they must go on with a half download from their Mother About this world, and we get to know our Mothers while inside them. Science is in that we actually can recognize our mOthers speech patterns. But we take that half a download and and our wits about us and we hit the floor running at life. No comfort, no hugs from the Mother who made them. We love another Mother, a replacement. Our Moms only showed up for half the job, society said she could just not do what God called her too.

But we are not even given intelligent answers as to why our Mothers have done this? And that does not diminish the value of a woman who showed up, but expresses that the bond of child is to its own Mother is unbreakable. Folks we have to look at this. I demand it as my birth right here. No child should have to go on without the Mother the universe gave them. Its just insane! I am not talking about children who have lost a mom to death of course these children deserve a person to love and nurture them, but they had a mom and the one difference in children who’s moms has died and those who are just given up is that they are aloud to mourn that loss, hell adopted kids who’s moms just gave us up aren’t even given counseling for our loss, because our mothers have not been educated. And I feel that lies on the Industry that has done this to us. Maybe we need some Errin brocavich Up in this bitcha nd we all we go sue their sorry asses and be done.

There is a way. And God is showing me. But Adoptees must be strong and take back what the Adoption Industry has taken from us. Our Families are important to us.  Our Mothers who do not realize how important they are to our wellbeing. These woman have been brain washed tot believe that they can pass the child inside them to another if they don’t want it. They are right in the fact of it, but wrong in the doing of it. For to do so causes such disruption in our Eco system, the Eco system of the family and of our species. WE suffer each day, that is an energy is it not? And yet it does unnoticed and untended to by those involved with it. Children are misunderstood each day. And there little hearts don’t know what to say, they could be rejected again by the new family if we tell them we want our Mommy’s, our real Mommy. A child who has been separated from it’s Mother does not act like one who has not. And those who have not experienced this can not fathom what its like. I work to educate you with my words. And I am very raw, for that is the only way to make you see.

The way it to confront it. To hit it head on. We must be strong and we are. For the rejection has already happened and it will not happen again, only if you reject your self. Our Mothers could not protect us from this Monster. But we can, by stomping it out. It is our time Adoptees and I am encouraging you all to get a blog and for us all to link up our stories. Lets clasp ourselves together with our pain and stand together to show the world our ugly inner wounds that this gave us? We can do this together and be Mothers to our selves. I know this will break the spell of Adoption. For like slavery, we need to be set free. We need to be set free to love our Mothers, and to stop being shamed for doing so. To love your Mother is to love yourself.

The way is through the mind, and adoptees intel is the intel to break the spell. For Mothers have been told one thing, and they hold to that. Why? Because that is the only way for them to go on and live. But the universe or God has shown me another way. Through it. WE must share our pain, Mother and child. And no one gets out. And Mothers do not get out of this. There efforts or lack of effort is recorded here. And they are not able to hide, for they have entered a public arena by engaging in a legal process to relinquish us. So, to run is not the right direction. The right direction is at the child, and the child towards the Mother. But this will take work. The key is to show up. That is all.

We cannot go into this with expectations. We must abandon the stories we told to survive. And embrace the pain within, for it’s there. And to deny it is futile and useless. WE are all in pain. Lets come clean. I can see it in my Mothers eyes, and in their voices. And to run from pain is like acting like a ferrel cat. WE get spooked and we run, block, you name it. But what needs to be done to heal this is to turn, and run the other way, towards each other. And that is gonna take time too. But time spent with a child is time well spent. The key is to do it. We need to stop worrying about this or that. Just dive in and go. Send cards and call each other, fight and work it out. Tell your truths to each other and cry it out. Time is a wasting, and there is a limit. Get the shit out, get the pain out, and know that it’s not anyones fault, it just is a bad idea, and it needs to stop.

I personally don’t want to have my time be up and not be working on this. My Mother is very important to me, for it was her blood that was given to me, her DNA in me, and just because she’s been brainwashed does not mean I lack love for her. I love her still and am not going to give up on either of my Mothers. I am going to educate them about their most precious daughter.

So lets roll our sleeves up and get to healing this.

I will be writing more about my ideas, please share yours too. WE all need to come together with all our Adoptee experiences so that we can come to a more clearer knowledge of what is, so we, yes we can change this. For we know the truth and to not do something is to allow it to perpetuate. Time to take responsibility for what our parents did and clean it up.

*Matt 19:13Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15After laying His hands on them, He departed from there.

Luke 9:62

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Ps. 27:10

9Do not hide Your face from me, Do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not abandon me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation! 10For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the LORD will take me up.Hosea 4:6

King James Version (KJV)
6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

Who’s gonna win?

My Mother and I are having the grand mall of fights right now. And it’s really a misunderstanding that I am trying to clear up. But she’s kind of taking it hard as you can imagine. She has been filled with rubish- So, time to take the trash out Mother. The trash in your brain. And I will take my trash out too. And we can start over, because God give us second and third chances here to get this lesson right. What do we have to loose now? WE lost it all before. No one can take away what is ordained by God.

  • I mean she was obviously told I would not give a shit if she left me.
  • And that I would grow up healthy and well adjusted without her
  • And that I was a mindless thing inside her that turns into a mindful person who could give a shit about her Mother
  • That adoption is natural
  • That a Mother can opt out? And the bond is broken and we all go along on our marry way
  • That children have NO feelings for their Mothers at birth, and they don’t even know what’s going on?
  • That rejecting a child over and over is the way to get rid of that stray
  • Her counselor must be advising her to slame the door on her child, that will make it all better
  • She must think that the way out is available
  • She must think that God agrees that she sucks at her job so he will surely let her slide and just take the rest of her life off
  • That being a Mom is revokable
  • That being pregnant is not a calling that we all must show up for
  • That when your child comes back it is a sign from the devil
  • She believes that if she blocks her child long enough like a weed they will eventually die out and blow away. I don’t know about you, but weeds be still growing, so might want to rethink that one.
  • That she is absolved of all responsibilities as the Mother God called to be mine. She gave her job ignorantly to another, after being counseled by whom I do not know, that giving me up was in her, yes her best interest. And I feel this needs to be rectified. For a Mother is not allowed nor should she be encouraged to give up on her calling, for it is the highest. How do we think this experience is going on? And adoption tears at the foundation of it. And we must look at these things so we can adjust it.