Category Archives: Food for thought

I just really miss you.

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The house that built me.

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Two. Key houses Built me.

kind of shows how Mama would feel like she didn’t know herself in me when I rolled up. But a flower so rare like me blooms for only one reason. And all must be present that are to view and smell its fragrance. My Mamas are blooming too. Together at last.

If I can see it. I can have it. And I’m seeing it. Clear as a bell. Inside me. We all drinking tea. Xoxox.

Please.

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There are so many research books and articles that show the importance’s of ones identity. And what I’ve shown you here is the real time raw process of a woman, who’s grown up named after a woman she came from who integrating what would have been integrated my whole life if I’d stayed with Mama. But that’s the back story. Fast forward to today.

Today? Today. I’m showing ya how to stand in your Mamas essence. Cuz she in ya! Oh yes. And if Mama, knew what Mama in me was doing for her? She’d fall to her knees and worship God. Listen. God. Never let’s go of us. Never. God may be silent during a test. God’s voice can become faint if we take a turn for a lesson. God does not want any of us to be distracted when we go left or go right.

But when the time comes. That’s Mama needs to go right. And no one seems to see she stuck at her cross road and scared of each road ahead? You step up. Even if she threw you away. When. You have the answer her souls seeks you stand up and blurt it out. She could not see my hand to call in me for the demon ideas that covered me up to her. I’ve met all her demons. And when I speak. They quiet after being called on the role and finally checked off as present.

  • Mama needs peace. Yes. And peace always begins with the mind. There has been a lot of water under our bridge. A lot of emotions tied to ideas that don’t match what’s inside us. Masks being taken off from a mascaraed long gone now. 26 years to be exact? And getting to know your 1960’s self all over is intense? I know that. Like wow! Flashback from the past on steroids!
  • You know Mama looked at one time when this all was full blown, with an expression of, yeah. I know. Ok. I don’t like this. And she knew in her heart I was gonna make this right. How? She did not know? Why? She had forgotten.
  • But when my first teacher calls me to answer. I answer. She prayed to God for answers and healing. And God sent me to reply. To bring the healing she wanted from the one she thought she lost? I get it. I know how hard this is on her. I came from her? We don’t give up until it’s done.
  • We weather the storm whether we like it or not. And we build what’s ours to build. A wise woman builders her house up, and a foolish one tears it down. My Mama ain’t no fool. Just look here. She bore her healing in 1963? Can anyone see this? Healing takes work. Facing the truth? Takes work and prayer and God? Mama? Had basically given up. Accepted her fate without me. Condemned to live her punishment for doing me like this? She’ll try to tell you no. It that shit don’t cut it with me. Im lie proof.
  • Growing up Adopted like I did. No talking about it. No celebrating Mama. No nothing. Secrets. It’s like walking blind to yourself. Darkness surround your identities development. When you find your Mama? The growing up begins. Fact. I was 30 when I found Mama. And was running on two day old feelings? What feelings? Shock. Dismay. Disbelief. Numb. Stung. Slapped into silence while a scream rang inside my head for years!! Mama!!
  • Trapped inside myself. Stunted and no way to tell anyone. My words sucked as they rolled out of me all jumbled up and crazy! Speechless or babbling. Two ways. When she left it hit me in the language area and jerked the he’ll out of my whole brain!! That’s how thick the connection is built with her was. I tied a string so big around that woman? Time would snap me back. And I memorized her every essence. That’s folks is beautiful?
  • The brain can’t understand what the heart does until you can see the big picture as to why? God is answering Mamas whys? And my whys? And why I am so damn stubborn and won’t let her go? God helped me build that bond and helps every child build their bond. I tended the bond daily growing up. With many messages sent in prayer to my Mama. Many. Many. Many. When I felt sad. I knew she was said. And I prayed for her.
  • What did you do? Hmmm? Did you think about yourrrr Mama that much? Did you tend to your relating with her each moment? Talk to her always about everything? I did for years and had to work to bring that wonderful conversation to light here in the physical world. That’s manifesting a dream folks. Plain and simple manifesting. See it. Have it. Pray it. God hears it. And delivers when you take the steps guided to take. Even. When the waters are rough and rocky. You step. Water is symbolic of emotions. And there was a huge charge of emotions around me and Mama. Like a cocoon. Of protection. Love is the only energy that can crack that shell and birth us new.
  • We are actually born again each day. But we hold onto things not processed with the one it needs processed with. All the crazy things said her are the dross of Mama and my love. This fire is burning it off. To reveal our gold and silver beyond our hero’s journey together and yet apart.
  • And my Mama is Mama Jeans best friend. I made sure of it by being Mama Jeans best friend always standing by her side as she went through many struggles. Being in a triads like being tied to wild cats that are blind and scared. Takes time to calm them down and get the claws in. Mama Jean has feared too Mama. That is leave her. And I’ve assured her many times. She signed that contract and we bound. All three.
  • I was not bound to stay with this arrangement. And could have given up on you both at anytime and just moved along? I have free will too. And yet. You both stuck to your posts. And I saw that. You did your best. And times have changed on how we see it. I’ve lived through it. You’ve lived through it? It’s all out on my side? And we can go forward if your ready to? If you have some cleaning to do with me. I’m ready and willing to take it. All of it. So we can dump it and finally laugh at ourselves and see how co fusing this all has been for us all.
  • And I’ll go on to help the future. And you can support that if you like? I’d really love some support from you? We all want support from our Mamas? Is it my fault I have two? No. But we all have a job in life. Once a Mama always a Mama. Late or early. She can still show up. Let go of shame Mama. Take my hand.
  • Let’s do this. Your ready now. It’s time for us. I do feel everyone with us here? But what matters is I am ready to embrace you all the way. Can you do the same back now? Can we be Mama and daughter now? Whatever that is from here on out? Can I have my sisters and nieces and nephews? Can I know you now?
  • Can I be invited to the weenie roasts? Can I be included in on the family games? Can my sisters teach me what being their sister is? Can I teach them what being my sisters means to me? Can we build? I’ve worked hard to clear this way Mama. Hard as a bird dog flushing out the doves. You’re my dove Mama. Coo cooing in the wind. My goodness.
  • I know this. You and Daddy were a wild couple. And so many things were misunderstood. And I do feel like I’m relighting this. And maybe shining some new light on an old way of seeing him. He was a mess Mama. But he turned out alright. You were a mess then too. And that’s ok. It’s ok. Messes happen but we always clean up.
  • I’m just your little janitor from god. Cleaning it all up in your mind so all those thoughts can go to bed. Satisfied. Content. I overcame the devil in Jesus name Mama. For us all. Three woman came together in the 60’s. One was a child who never gave up. And knows how to clean better than her Mama! Lol.

    • 38 year old man reunited.

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    man i cried so hard on this one.

    It just goes so deep? I especially love how his Mom began to say she was sorry and what he said to her? My Mama still struggles with that and it makes it so hard to express myself cuz that sorrow gets in my way.

    Not everyone gets it like this. It doesn’t mean that it any less meaningful. We all just react differently. I was more in shock and it’s taken me years to express all I felt. And much of what I felt was tangled up and surrounded with lies.

    It was not easy protecting my love for Mama. Especially from her. She has appeared to feel unworthy of such a love. What else would keep her from me. I felt such compassion for the Mama who was so upset at what had happened. And I do want to say to my Mama too. Please. Let’s not waste anymore time on sorrow.

    That’s why I tore it all down. Cuz the foundations all that matters. The rest was what the world said about it. This is our story and we can write way more pages filled with love. And we can show the world that’s the devil didn’t win with us.

    My love is deep inside me where no one can take it. The world may have taken my Mama. But they can never take my love for her. Never. My Mama needed to know this. My love is real. And it’s for her. Alone. I’ve saved every drop. Just like God saved her tears and mine. To pour into her heart to fill it again with the love I cake to give her back in 1963.

    We gonna be ok Mama. We are ok now. If you can just believe. Just believe Mama. There’s no need to hide. I’m not ashamed of you? I know how hard it was Mama? Our paths may have lead away from each other for a long time Mama. But I’ve been loving you still. And praying for guidance from God to make this right with us.

    Please be my valentine Mama. Forever. I love you true and blue. It is hard to believe that you could kick yourself so hard? And that a piece of you would come back and kiss it. I love you. Let me keep loving you please. Don’t deny this love anymore Mama. Please.