Being adopted means: that you stand out. Because adopted is part of your story. It’s means explaining who a biological Mothers is and why you call your Mom that. It’s means birthdays are kind of a joke. Because it reminds you that your birth Moms not there to share it with you. You grow up kind of hating the fact that you must explain the characters all day so people even get what you mean.
Being Adopted means that your family life is strange to many. And your life is a dream come true to some, who don’t really know that to be adopted means, you don’t get to ever see your birth Mama. It’s means you have a hole in your heart only she can fill. It’s means you had to make room for another within your heart.
Being adopted means family is made up of strangers that become family. It means that you work hard to be a team player in a world where you were the reason family is at all. You feel the weight of everyone wanting you to adapt and to embrace your new family. It means that people want you to forget where you came from. Forget your pedigree, your roots.
Being Adopted means that you will be expected to grow new roots and not bat an eye!! Are you done yet? What’s taking so long? Being adopted means that many things just don’t make sense. It means you have to learn a new way and throw out the way you are. Being adopted means don’t take about you Bio Mom in front of Your new family.
Being adopted means you will always be a bit apprehensive and over sensitive because you really don’t want to have to learn a new family again. It’s means you mourn a loss no one can see. Alone. Without your Mom to comfort you. And everyone tells you you have a Mom and they don’t get you already had one, she’s gone and now you have a new one. A replacement.
My question is this:
Can another woman take a Mothers place? Does the child not remember from 9 months of being with her every move, their own Mama?
Can I trade you Mothers?
I’ll answer that question. Because I’ve been there.
No. Another woman can not take a Mothers place. A Mother has her own place within a child’s heart and being. No other woman can take her place.
She will have to make her own place within you. She will have to forge a new bond. Children are not machines that take a new Mother cartridge and just move along. We form attachments within our Mamas womb.
Strong attachments form between mother and child for a reason. The bond I have with my Mama, which is very strong has helped me survive.
So. If a strong attachment exists between Mother and Child, why do we separate children from Mom at all? If Mom is key why are we messing with Nom like this? And why are we not trying to make it better for Mom to stay with child.
My life has shown me that, Mom is the biological foundation we come from?
And its clear we bond while inside her?
It’s plain we never get over the loss of her. It’s well documented that no one ever, including those who have been raised by their Mamas, get over the loss of Mama. She’s is our core.
Adoption changes our location. But can never make our love for Mama die. It’s programmed within our body to long for our first home. Where God created each of us from her. She’s key.
Especially key when removed.
For me it felt like an alarm had been turned on. My body felt her absences deeply. So deep that I burrowed within me to find her. To remember her. To follow my meme iris of her. To become her. So I would never be without her. My version of her. The best parts of her. The parts I felt were best. Because the parts of her I encapsulate are what kept me alive.
And helped me follow Mama Jean and try to listen. Even if she did not do it like Mama. And she heard about that.
Mama hid me Long enough. She and I do things different. But we have found ways to make it work. She can’t be my Mama. Many think that’s mean to say. But it’s not. My Mama left me. I don’t want her to me like Mama. Not like that.
She’s a friend. And that does not me she nice and friendly all the time. She hard and stern. Because I don’t see things like she. And we talk different. We had to make a new language and learn to understand each other. Friends for me are those who say the hard things.
Mamas should be friends. They care the most. And a true friend is faithful. And honest. And forthright. Courageous. Fierce. A friend will tell you the truth as they see it. And a friend will let you fall down. A friend will help you back up.
And a Mother is a friend forever.
Being adopted is complex. It’s take mental moxy to forge such a bond with someone you did not come from. It’s take truth to form a sure foundation. Doing this makes me stand out.
Reaching out to Mama is a huge gesture of love.
She left me. And her actions hurt me. Which hurt Mama Jean to have to witness me struggle with such a hole in my identity. Working each day to figure out my body and mannerisms that are not like Mama Jeans at all.
I stand out.
Adoption marked me.
So. I stand out.
And I feel like it’s time for Adoptees to break out. To be counted as some of the most amazing people on the planet.
And my Mama needs to see that fact.
That her baby she gave away, hid and moved on without, stands out and up for her and Mama Jean.
And gets how hard it was for us all.
Thanks for diving deep with me today. As I share from the vault of feelings stored from experiences. So we all can understand better.
Be kind to Adoptees.
They lost their whole
Life. And now build a new one.
Honor the woman adoptees came from.
Her bloods in our veins.
To dishonor our Mama and tell stories tears down what you try to build with your adopted child. Be kind.
Pray for her with your Child.
She is no competition. There is no competition for a Mama.
So. When you adopt a child? You stand alone now. Your not her/his Mama. You must know that you Mother, and nurture another woman’s child. That she shared with you.
Be grateful. Talk well of her. Be honest if drugs where there. Educate yourself about people like he. Educate her child.
Honor our heritage. Honor our race. Honor our customers. Include our customs. So. When we return we don’t have so much trouble reuniting.
We are on loan. Remember, we all do home.
Thanks for coming by.