People may say about me that I go around in circles. And yes, that is true. But what folks don’t know about me is that I am an idea person, an eagle, a big picture kind of girl. And that is why folks have a difficult time keeping up with me, they don’t stay tuned into what I am leading them too. They get triggered and don’t even look at the gun in their own hands. That is what I do best, help people see the gun that is where the trigger is, and help them to point it in the directions it needs to go. Not within. We can forget about shooting ourselves. Yeah, no killing today. Because I don’t want to kill anything. I just want to feed some new ideas and not feed some old ideas that are clouding our way as we all evolve and grow here.
People may say, I am crazy. And yes, that is true. But who doesn’t need a little crazy now and then to stir the pot, I mean we don’t want whats on the bottom to burn now do we? What is at the bottom of Adoption that is raising such a stink these day? From what I see? As an adoptee who is deeply connected to the pain body of Adoptees that struggle to find identity and autonomy? I see, that the Adoptee is left out of the equation, due to age, or whatever, our rights are not yet recognized as a voice for a better way. I mean you try to talk to some people? Especially people affected directly about adoptions existence? Like AP’s for one? And they just throw their hands in the air and start to call you crazy, like the other day on twitter, where I stood alone and took it and gave it back. They all said mean things to me, an Adoptee? And they have adoptive children in their homes? It makes me very concerned about these folks and their true intentions?
I mean if folks can’t listen to an adoptee who’s grown and her experiences and ask questions, instead of tearing me down? What hope do their children have? One Lady? Has a child from China, and was left in the streets! And this woman is going on and on about how terrible it was of the Mother to do such a thing on twitter, over and over! And is only cutting her nose off despite her face. Does she think, that her child is dumb, or blind, or deaf? Like what the hell? I was trying to remind her that the Mother is always important to the child, that her child has not forgotten her Mama at all. And that when she is able, she will search, and that if she knew what was best for them all? She would do whatever she can now, to make sure her loved daughter as she says, has the best chance to find her. Because if she stand in the way, in anyway, the daughter will see, what the woman really is about.
And these folks were quite mean, saying Obama Care would not cover my illness and so on. Same old same old. Like, whatever guys, good luck trying to shut this bitch up. They have been trying for years, and I am just getting started. This subject is most important to me, and I am channeling all my anger, pain, and anxiety toward a new day. I take my pain and speak my truth, so another will not have to. I work for future generations that have been cut by Adoptions knife. Their blood is as good as mine and surely, I can do for them what was not done for me. Sure, people try to tell me, your story is not like mine. And I wonder do they see how similar we all are at the end of the day. Thinking about Mama is the theme… always. But they don’t show it, neither does our Mama’s.
And people may say, I am harsh. Well, honey, that is precisely how it felt to me. Adoption felt harsh. And I sincerely would like to sweeten it up for you, but there were no ingredients to add except that harshness. To sweeten my story us is to take it all away and make something else of it? My life is my life. And this is how it felt. YOU, get over it! OK. I have danced around and around this Adoption thing for years. I am not dancing for you anymore, Adoption, I am calling you out for what you are. A womb raider. That is what you are. And unless we truly are willing to look at the Adoptees experiences, we are daft. Like they said I was on twitter the other day, too. Funny. And yet not. So lame and dumb people are in their self inflicted psychosis. Yes, I said psychosis. You know, the state of loosing touch with reality? And those people are out of touch with the Adoptees reality, inside our heads, where we keep our true feeling hid for lack of anyone who truly cares to listen and help us.
Adoption, is a triad, and a two sided modality that claims to deliver and does not. There are three sides to this Modality, and Adoptees are in the middle, center, surrounded, by folks that talk all day about love and care and don’t even see our pain? Like hello? It just boggles the mind. My mind was boggled for years? Literally boggled and swirling around with this story and that that did not line up with what I felt within about it all. We must look to the Adoptees for the truth, and take our lickings, for we have, for you all? Have we not? Have we not lived lives without our family’s for you all? Have we not held feelings in for fear of hurting you as much as we hurt? Have we not cried alone, you did not know, for our loss, for you? So you could have? Have we not longed for our own Mama’s to be proud of us, and yet unable to show her what it is we do, for you all? Hell, for society! WE endure, for you! And its time for us, you know, the one you all are helping so much to have our day, and what we want and long for? Heritage is nothing if all don’t have it. We deserve our heritage and our places within our families.
Adoptive families have joined with families to raise children. Hello! Adoptive families join contracts with Mothers, to raise their children as they see fit. And they are forever bond to this family, until death. And it is high time we realize this truth. WE are connected, and yet adoptive families raise these children AS IF they are their own, fully knowing, they are not. Adopted Children have families first, and then have another family that is overplayed on top of their first families, which makes it quite confusing to us all to navigate such a narrative. Like wake up people! Dont you see what you do? My God. It gets me rilled up for sure. And I am not going to calm down until resolution is made. And people learn. What we have to teach!
People can say what they want. But in the end, I will be standing with my truth flag of victory, and leave my legacy to this planet by doing something to bring this most needed change to Others who will be touched by Adoptions bloody knife. I know the depth of the pain Adoptees feel, I have talked to them my whole life. I know the signs of fear and anxiety that riddle their faces as I ask the unasked, and prob where I know the truth is. Many have run away, for fear of exposure. And I am done with my people having to hide! I am done with Adoptees being treated like they are crazy for their opinions that no one understands because of psychosis in most AP’s heads, dreaming that the child they have, is theirs is a shame on them. And with education, there is not need for shame. My bible says, Study to show thyself approved, a workman who need not be ashamed. And from what I am experiencing by coming out with my data is that folks don’t want to learn. Ignorance is king, and needs to remember, Adoptees are Queen and the queen always runs the King.
I want to say here, as November is Adoption Awareness Month, My Mama Jean has exceeded any, well, even Mama, as far has commitment and faithfulness to be my Mama, like Mama wanted, and has not abandoned me during this most trying time of disclosure, and discovery on my part. She has been a rock, my Mama should appreciate and thank. There is hope. Mama Jean adopted me not knowing what lay in store, and never backed off when it got tough. Mama? Well, she’s still not stepping up. And that is the thing I speak for. If Adoptions so good for us, why must we loose at all? Mama said I was a product of a date Rape, ok. But I am not a rapist or a rape! I am a person who was created from a rape. That is different indeed. And thank God she gave me away! But I do not thank God that she stays ignorant of what she did by blocking progress. I mean I am 54, almost 55, and I am grown and she still treats me like that act? I can see it, and yet she act like she can’t? She still tries to deflect.
People may say, I am way off. But we will see about that! Adoptees are posting as I write and the web is forming to catch you all in its educations webs. So your time is limited, by our voices of education. Your ignorance is done, as we speak the truth from experience, not fables and stories of this and that. Our truth will win, for it is truth, and not made up lies however white they may be, our blood stains them. And Christ died for us, and our blood matters, our voices are heard by a loving God who gives us strength to speak our truth to make them see. I want change. November is the month of changing the script, and our lines will not be read as given, for a new narrative is coming, up out of the bells that they were crammed into for lack of anyone to listen. There is no place for Adoption to hide when we speak up, and find our roots and ground in the truth we have lived. All will learn, all will grow, and all will see a better way when our dust settles.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.