You just can’t make this up. Amazing, both soul mates coming back and both looking good in the end. Its is our destiny….
You just can’t make this up. Amazing, both soul mates coming back and both looking good in the end. Its is our destiny….
Like I am a warning shot, so pay attention.
I am an alarm going off, like a trumpet.
My peps be waking up, yeah
They be waking up to it
We got lots to say, are you ready
I am just one flaming arrow, we are many
I am a gong of war, sounding the call to arms
My peps we getting ready
They are loading their guns
We got lots to change, are you ready
Pay attention good people. This ain’t no joke. I am talking. Pay attention. Can you hear the thunder of hoofs? A might vibration of change is coming. And the warrior’s arrows will take flight to blind you by the light of the truths to be shown, to illuminate what is dark and shed clean light upon us all, so we can see, again clearer than before what we are doing when we do what we do.
When we do what we do. yeah. We need to change it.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I know the results I do what I do for, do you? Do you know what you do and why? Is your reason good enough to justify your results when you see the results in my life? Are we proud of me having to go through so much to figure out this world, let alone the Adoption version? I am proud I made it. I am proud of my Mama and Daddy’s genes together that helped me survive such insanity of an idea?, yes I am.
Am I upset that me and Mama got some insanity here? Hell yes. And I work daily to right this with her here in front of you, cuz you need to see the mess I have to clean up! Damn straight. I mean sure, people get off track, but this is ridiculous people. We got Mama being guided by whom? Family that don’t know shit about me and Mama. Like she hid me, she did not tell them about me. What can they help her with? Do they have training in reunions? No. Do I, yes, its on the job training as you go, because I want this and will learn, and keep learning until its done. Is Mama going to a counselor? Is this counselor trained in Adoption? Or reunions of Adoptees? Hell, Does the counselor even know about me? What are these untrained people advising her in regards to her relationship with her daughter who has come home and wants an honest relationship with her Mama after 50+ years? HMM? Doesn’t not look like they are advising her it is healthy? And with that advice? They are right.
Dont tell me how to come home to my own Mama! You don’t get too! Stop. This is mine. Why don’t you help her see the beauty in this most honest profession of love ever! Back me up why don’t you! This is what dreams are made of! Will someone gently hold her hands and turn her around to me? Can someone see this homecoming is right and true. That for she and me it was written, from the day I was conceived like everyone else, to come home to her.
You know? Mama energy is naturally healing. Its just how it is, and I need Mama’s energy, she needs mine. And all this shit? Is just what made me see how important she was to me. Pain of stop, turn around, go home.
I was allowed to grow within her and create cells that had to be abandoned. You want me to stop what fate started? Well, your asking the wrong person. Your gonna have to tell God to change how God designed it. I really don’t see any fault in how God is doing it, but how we handle it.
And this is fundamental to the planet, when a child’s experiences is interrupted while they are still forming is a determent to us all. It’s just making a bookkeeping nightmare that court houses have to right! Yesterday. Look at the cost we all will pay to turn this ship around and give children and adults now what is by birth right theres and not the governments power to change, it is falsehood in the deepest sense and deceit to us all. I mean we went here, but we don’t have to stay here and need to change our course and our fundamental knowing that this is just not a good idea nor complete in its supposed well being it is supposed to provide to all participants.
I feel all parties suffer confusion and pain. If the child has adjustment issues, the new parents will have to go through that with them, many unaware of what the issue is at all? Our cut up relationship with our parents looms over us and demands we fix it, how can we feel good about ourselves if we feel bad about our parents? I cringe when an adoptee tells me their Mama is a drug addict and did not deserve to raise them? So hopeless a statement to have to say, but who gave them that info? Most likely the A parents, and its so subtle a knock at our family, but it erodes at the self confidence of us, or me. Like what the hell? Dont talk about my Mama, I’ll ask her myself, thank you.
This mess was not made by me and Mama alone, it was made by us all, for not seeing the ultimate truth that I have learned is unchangeable. Who your Mama is is for god to decide and you can’t change it, not even paper can change blood.
My mama may have not realized exactly where she sent me. She believed what she was told and it sounded fabulous. I imagine she felt relieved when this option showed up, and it sounded like a dream come true, for her and me, but she was mistaken to think it would be easy, and fun, for me without her there in my life.
I am the child, the variable, that Adoption did not notice in this equation of this removal and relocation. Adoption, one of the biggest businesses today, thrives on bad math, due to the lack of input from the variables themselves, us. You know, the one Adoption thoughts to save and make better lives for? Better? No, different? Yes.
Is it all a wash? No, we still have time to save the variables here, us. We still have time to turn the ship around and include the variables that are supposed to be bettered by this equation away from homelands and kin. But we got to get real about it an stop telling stories that are not back in truth, truth, from us, the variables who’s thoughts and feelings and rights have been taken and have not been considered in this intricate math equation of our lives.
Did removing me from my Mama’s math equation to throw me into another Math equation make my life easier, or my Mama’s? No, it just made it different and very complicated. Lack of support is a contributing factor here. No support is offered to anyone, unless they go get it themselves. That is a big gapping hole in a system that is trying to say they are about a child’s well being? yes, big. For me? Huge hole. I was left out in the cold by the blanket Adoption was supposed to be for me. My Mama knew it the day we separated and has been making up stories for years to compensate for her child being subtracted from her life equation. Her Math has been drastically off and she’s had to limp and gimp along life way without all her marbles, legs, and children. That is huge for a Mothers well being.
No Mama does well without all her chicks. No Mama heals after throwing a part of herself away. No Mama heals herself if she doesn’t realize her child is always a part of her, and yet different. We are the evolution of our parents. Our stories matter to our parents so they may evolve as well. Evolution stunted my family by removing me. I have much to add to my subtracted from family. Adoptions had taken my reputation and thrown it in the mud, stamped it and then left me there to have to make it right with my own Mama all by myself? Thanks Adoption for being so thorough. Not.
The movie Alice in Wonderland is a cake walk to what we Adoptees must maneuver through life with such a gapping whole in our history, our identity that is linked to that first history, and it makes our job growing up, harder with so much missing in the equation, its no wonder we go around and around in circles like cycles, we are missing vital math! And like it or not, nothing makes sense without Mama in the equation of our life and not one can replace her. Get a grip people. Look at the natural process called birth, she’s woven into us from herself! Makes me crazy when folks don’t know math and act like they do. Ive waiting many years to show these flaw in this math I have had to live for 50 years!
It just ain’t right folks! Look at it.
I like the part about fetal cells gathering at a wound site. I did that, to my mama, and so did you. We left pieces of ourselves, like bread crumbs within her. And so we naturally can go home, but it takes work dismantling the carnage of knowledge that conflicts with our hard earned experiences. And Mama’s want to be right, not left.
The flaw is in the system itself. Lack of forethought, and true analyzes of how the system is truly working is needed to fix this. My feeling is Adoption should only be the solution if a child looses a Parent, and then all efforts should be to place the child with family and train the family, and support them in doing so. If we want better families, then we are going to have to support the family structure instead of throwing it all over god creating thinking we solved it, I am proof we did not.
We don’t even make it pay to be Moms? That’s a problem here too. Moms get no awards here and yet they are doing such a good work?
As I blog each day, and my Mama reads, she learns more and more. She sees what I am saying to her and showing to her. And in the end, love will show her whats really going on past her failure to see. We live and learn and being a Mom is important. Mama thought it would be ok to give me away, that I would have a better chance. Chance for what? To become an Adoption Advocate and educate the world? Well, thats what she got. A research nerd for humanity, that is me.
Ive had no real college education.
I have tried the equations and found the flaw myself with living them and seeing that it does not add up. I don’t need a certificate to see that, just a damn good mind to add it up.
Like don’t try to tell me that Adoption helped me when I can’t go home and talk to my own mama after living like this for years? Don’t. Your going to have to do better than that. Dont tell me Adoptions equals love when my own Mama says she not my own Mama and acts daft in the head? You try driving all day with love in your heart and gifts for your family, to have doors slammed in your face and your Mama saying she is not your Mama? Yeah, try that and tell me you feel loved. Try driving all day with your boy and going to your Mamas to have your sister show her ass in front of your son, who’s not seen this side of the family he came from? You go with love to give a gift to your child, who’s now a woman, and have your sister boldly profess your “Unwelcome”. Then talk to me of love.
Love is me taking it from them, while still loving them so as they act mad as the hatter before me, their kin, blood sister, child. Oh, yeah Adoptions makes so much sense then. When the jig is up and your out of the costume they gave you long ago and all they see is an ugly pain ridden bag of nothing. Adoption, shame on you, we all go home. You didn’t plan for that, nor did you tell my Mama. You lied to her. The shame is on us all if we don’t see that.
The link above shows that my cells still live within my Mama’s brain and tissue. I will say, they are quite alive, you should see her squirm when I come to call. They want to be recognized and validated, and cherished, like all children do. Adoption validated my Mama’s fears, I was a mistake and needed to be removed, like a weed. And yet such mentality is flawed all around. Nature defies such notion, and demands that we come back to center on this vital issue of birthing and evolution of our species.
The place for change is in the mind of all of us. The place of impact is within our minds that need to realize the math of this Adoption equation has flaws and need to be altered to reflect the true math.
Lets talk about pain for a minute. What is pains purpose? Well, I see that pain tells us, don’t do that again, it hurts. We burn ourselves, and it hurts. And we are more careful next time we work with fire. Pain is like a dead end screaming, turn around! Pain says, stop! Pain demands adjustments in our mind to protect ourselves. Pain is an alarm, don’t go there. I felt pain like river on and in me. I felt pain screaming go home for so long, all my life. Go back, go home, do not collect 200 dollars, go home to Mama. That is an onboard alarm system designed to keep us with our Mama’s. And folks tell me to turn it off all day, but I can’t, we can’t. It is natural law.
Above is a list of the 7 natural laws here on earth.
Mama and I are working on the law of polarity. And you are learning from us. 4. The Law of Polarity (Mutable): The fourth of the seven Universal Laws tells us that “Everything is dual, everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree”. It is also the first of the mutable or transcendable Universal Laws. It means that there are two sides to everything. Things that appear as opposites are in fact only two extremes of the same thing. For instance, heat and cold may appear to be opposites at first glance, but in truth they are simply varying degrees of the same thing. The same applies to love and hate, peace and war, positive and negative, good and evil, yes and no, light and darkness, energy and matter. You can transform your thoughts from hate to love, from fear to courage by consciously raising your vibrations. This is what in the ancient Hermetic Teachings is called the Art of Polarization.
Rising Above the Law of Polarity: This Principle of Duality may appear to be very real in your life but it operates only in the physical and mental realms, not in the spiritual realm where All is One. As it says in the Bhagavad-Gita, “God is Above the Opposites”. By always placing the all-powerful, all-knowing Great Spirit of which you are a part behind your every thought, statement and action, and by always focusing on the “good”, even when things appear to be going “bad”, then in time you will rise above the Law of Polarity.
WE are rising above the law of polarity to find our equal ground in our now, accumulative truth. Meaning we are squaring up and showing each other our sides to show the whole of our relationship and many things have to go. Mama lived a polar opposite life as me and yet felt many of the things I did. Mama thought I lived like she thought, and I show her now, the polar opposite of what she thought.
I am sure my family thinks I am going to send Mama over the edge, and they are right. This ship is sinking, and has been sinking since I was 30, so Mama has to jump to a safer ship of thought. Mama lost her mind long ago when she relinquished me, but I represent the part of her mind she lost, and yet did not. I am a walking, talking, breathing encapsulation of her essence back then. I am like a snapshot, or precious gem of a thing, God liked, that God made sure she did not take wrong, so that when I was grown, she could see the true value of that woman she was back then. She has not really enjoyed the first part of that person she was, I am bold and firm in my convictions and have earned the strips to say I know from my hard earned life of living like she wanted me too, as loyal as a child can who’s forced to love someone other than the one they came from can.
Things have appeared to Mama, that they are going bad. She felt called out, by me, and by God who did not stop me. So did I Mama, growing up. I felt like a fish out of your water. I felt like a mole in society when Adopted labeled me. I felt bad. I felt like what is the use? I felt lost, without you. And I didn’t care to be found, unless it was you finding me. I long for you. Stop. Dont make me lie for your decision. Dont make me say it was ok, it was not for this child of Linda Marie to be- linda, without you. Damn it hurt. And I don’t like being tied to a pain like this.
” data-hasqtip=”24″>Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
” data-hasqtip=”18″>Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. read more.
I just feel like the time limit of our old life has run out and that god calls us to a new day with much joy in it now that our past has been faced a talked about. And be blessed your child loves you so much to show you the polar opposite of it all in the end. Love would want to know, and the world needs to see what you meant to me and what I fought for was a better way in the end. We deserve a happy ending after being apart so long. And no one needs to loose anything, except he idea that this is a bad idea? Like seriously Mama, and the world. This is the best idea so far and I want to follow this to completion and rejoice at setting this president in history. Of me truly going home to Mama in all facets and folds of this idea. I deserve that, and so does Mama.
We deserve our second chance. We deserve to have each other in our lives and to be ok with it all in the end, because we won. Nothing tore us asunder, I made sure of it.
…5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
In the psychical sense, my father married my Mama the night I was born. For they were one flesh the night I came to be. They were one flesh, and created my flesh. She was still married at the time, but separated. But she was with my Dad anyway? And I came from that act of defiance to the written paper laws of the land, but I did not defy Gods law. They joined. Men in many countries join with many wives, my Mama was a maverick. Mama, found out about me and thought god cursed her act. Nope, he blessed it and x marked the spot where the rabbit died. Me, came to be.
I see no wrong in my Mama’s actions. She had told her husband her dissatisfactions, she like many men, needed more in a man, than he in her. I fault her not for seeing the writing on the wall and setting him free to find another, for she was not the one. Neither was my Dad. As Rihanna says it well,
But baby, don’t get it twisted
You was just another nigga on the hit list
Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch
Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?
Fuck ya white horse and ya carriage
Bet you never could imagine
Never told you you could have it
I see no fault in Mama being a strong woman, to not place her worth in a Man. She knew her worth and needed to find the man who saw that worth. Anyone other than that? Well, bye. That’s what my Mama needs to see, I learned my Daddy’s lessons. To withhold a daughter her Mama, magnifies her presence in all of it. Its a natural law. I know her worth from living without her. Damn straight.
That is what I am also saying is, that this is a natural law, I have pushed against it for the sake of Adoptions fowl mouthed idea and I am coming back to ya with equal and opposite force that this natural law threw me back. Negatory ghost riders! No go zone on this one, Mama stays. Removing her fractures the infrastructure. No can do. All its done is tie us all in knots trying to fix something we should be supporting.
My Mama, had not support like that from society back then, but she does now, me. And she can take it back, off this silver plater of understanding. I made sure she could, cuz non of you Mo foo’s had her back. But I do, I got the back, the side, the inside, the upside down, angry mean, of this loving woman. Who’s been through a lot herself. We are laying it to rest and sharing it with you, so we can learn from it. Our lives are the meat and potatoes of this thing Adoption, how our lives have been impacted is of great importance in continuing our evolution in better ways of taking care of the generations to come.
You’re right, I climbed out of this rabbit hole and took you down to have a look see at my world in the rabbit hole called Adoption. Thanks for diving deep with me and learning about others and learning to do better by knowing a little better.
As I remove the clothing of the wounded warrior. And I stand naked and vulnerable. Will you love me? Will you see the part of yourself in me as I do you?
Come away with me my love. I have tales to tell you over fires and wine of a love such as this that burns within me and dukes by God. Will you look at me once more with eyes of acceptance. I may show you a ragged road warrior, but within is your little princess, who’s truth was love others as you love yourself. I am hard on myself. I came to win.
I stand here vulnerable before my brethren and sisterhood. A child within me carries day and night. The alarm can only be turned off by one person. Her Mama. That’s is the call of a Mama. To quiet the alarm that’s been going off now for 55 years and gets louder each year.
I was called to go home. I know not exactly why. I know some of why. But I obey and have gone back and been honest. My honesty is a gift. It’s precious. Not many know it. Now I tell all. If you turn away from me, you shame yourself, in me. Be wise. Be strong. And do what’s best for us both, now that you know better. I love you. We are gonna make it right. We can do this. I am very strong and connected. So are you. Very much so. Xo
As I stand in the rubble of what used to be.
Come take my hand
As we say goodbye to our struggle that’s now gone
Hold my hand and find rest with me
As we turn away from all that we once knew
Squeeze my hand. It is real. It’s me. I’m real.
As we take a small step
I kiss your hand and a tear drips down and touches your skin
And we walk away. Free to be who God first said we were, who we always have been, and yet now, open and free to start a new day, new story.
I brush your hair away. Look you in the eyes. And just study that beautiful face of yours that’s like mine and yet different. It’s a moment as we just breath it in. What it feels like to just be together. Wow. What a ride with you Mama. What a ride. I love you for teaching me early what you mean. No argument there. Xo
If my Mama only sees anger in me? Then what? What does that say? Good question. I’ll answer you.
First I need to tell ya about me a bit. I’m adopted. And what that means is that I was born from one woman, and legally relinquished, meaning given away, or trafficked, as we call it today. I loved many years not realizing I was a victim of human trafficking. And it had a profound affect on me and my perceptions being raised by someone who lives as though I came from them.
Anger, can not even doctrine how I felt. It’s a mixed bag of madness, my life growing up like that. It was a wild ride of the brain. My constant to this living circus of mine, was Mama. I was not from this madness. I was adopted into this madness. This charade. I played. Sure. Mama wanted me too. I don’t have to like it all. Like anything. We have our likes and our dislikes. And the fact that I had to go through life like some clown with happy paint on my face cuz Mama thought it was a good idea when I felt like it sucked big ones, loomed over the whole parade. Rain rain.
Mama. Where the hell are you? I’m tired of this. I’m ready. Way over ready to end the nonsense of this. I want to play a new game with you in it. I’m angry cuz you don’t seem to see, I still need you.
I met a woman yesterday. She was pregnant. And so happy about having a daughter. I Marveled as we talked about pregnancy and her daughters picky eating habits and how the doctors were filled with fear about the possibility of her getting diabetes. She was such a wonderful person, filled with life. She reminded me of me at her age.
I asked her what her daughters name would be. Who is inside her growing? She told me her name and why she named her. The name had a special spelling and it’s linked to, her family. She talked about her Gramma and Mama and aunts a lot. Kind of like me? But she had the confidence to speak about it that I didn’t. She had the history and it was such a deep part of who she is. I Marveled as she talked.
She must have mentioned her Mama at least a dozen times in our conversation. I could see she loved her Mama very much and considered her a friend. It showed me I was normal and adoption has been the one thing that has tried to stop me from talking about my Mama. I don’t get the history and all I have to talk about is our past these days. Mama and I have been real stuck, and I feel we need to move forward. To stay here is a shame to us both, especially since we are Christian. What does our relationship say about God? How do we glorify God like this?
People, mostly my family on Mama side, aren’t supportive of us. How can I say that? Well? I’ve spoken. I’ve shared my side. And it seems they want to bury their heads, as if I am some storm blowing by? No. This storm has come to clear the air and blow some old things away that hinder us all growing in our Christ like love.
The world is our home. And we all are family. But family is a thing, a unit, a measurement you came from. Family is key to everyone’s evolution and is intricate to well being. Good family? Well being. Struggling family? Bad well being. Why would I go merrily on my way through life like that?
I am not the kind of person to let sleeping dogs lie forever. They need a steak to feed them or they get hangry. My family has slept for a long time and they needed my truth as a steak to feed them so they could see beyond hangry. Thy need to see I mean well in this end. But that things need to change because change is good in the end.
Yes. I am the daughter who came back. And we can’t go back. No, except to take a look at it and learn from it. That’s what I am doing. I go back to learn and I am sharing what I learned living a life without Mama and family. And my learning is valid. It’s shows a truth beyond Adoption wildest dreams. My truth is:
I held tight to her hand in spirit and did not let go. And it lead me Home to her.
I failed to get the memo about staying away. And Mama wants to say shame on me? A baby? For not getting it? Well. Mamas getting it now. I’ve thrown it all in the street to sort here and rebuild what was a major fault line in our relationship.
I am a Capricorn. What’s that have to do with it? I get shit done. That’s what it means. I focus on the goal. I work hard for what I want and tear down all strong holds that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. With the word and my word of truth I tear the old down to rebuild. Yep. Redo time. This sucks doing it without a proper
manual and I have had to make up a manual for us right here.
We all talk about our Mamas. I am no different except that I talk about both my Mamas and I would have way more nice things to say if they just would stop trying to run me and stop me. It’s time we move along and this place that we were is gone.
Now. We begin again. Fresh. That’s the miracle I clean up for. To revive you must purge an old to let a new in. We had a lot of old, so what’s that mean? Yes. A shit load of new is needed to come in, so move it out! Good coming our way!
Thanks Lord. For sending me a friend to show me reality. Thanks that she was kept so she could show me how it is with Mamas and daughters. Thanks you for validating my feelings when my Mama can’t seem too. Help Mama see. Take the scales from the eyes of her heart so she can finally see the blessing of me.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.
Feelings I felt growing up Adopted.
I also, felt
It’s like, within me, my Mama alarm went off. I grew up thinking about all the kids feeling like me who could not speak up cuz it’s so scary to think about this being done to you again it’s stifling. And it took me years to live this life to figure out what the issue was.
It’s like having a sword thrust in your side and folks want you to watch a sunset or the birds and forget the sword, and they don’t help you take it out, cuz they won when your Mama did you like this. I felt abused. I felt taken advantage of. I felt stolen from.
I felt like a hot rotten potato that just got passed around. I felt broken because no seemed to see me and that I was not happy about this arrangement, and no one gave a shit, cus this is what my Mama wanted for me. She did not know, what Adoption would feel like to me. She hoped I would like it, and then just wrote me off per-say. Like adopting me out was some
Divine check list entry on the list of life.
without all the flowery words describing my experiences? It’s kind of ugly. Huh? That’s my point. The feelings were not flowers. Good times happened, but the loss washed over it all, in the end, I lost Mama and that really hit me hard.