One reason is I am definitely going against the grain of adoption. Like rubbing that cat backwards. In the face. Hot and heavy weights I bare in the tide. Like an ocean wide. I bare in this tide. No Hutson do I rise white skinned suicide I drive the stakes into adoptions thighs. Stopping her dead in her tracks. No Lazarus shall be for a system that tore me from my Mamas wounded chest. Again.
This defiance is a hot subject not many can hang with it. and I’m done with dimwits that have no idea what you and I have had to walk through apart.
This stand can not receive a gaze, heads bowed low. I stand tall and tell all of my love for Mamas and their jaws drop in shame they only have one. As I tear of their mask to show both my Mamas to a bipolar world learning on one seeing not the other. you called me crazy. I laughed in the worlds face as I practiced my lines inside with Mama in my special room in my mind. I prayed. Hell yes I prayed like hell would if hell could even utter such words. I told god what I thought. As I soothed the Mama in me. Shhh. We will find you Mama. I’ll make it all better. You’ll see. You’ll see. God will answer. We must trust god alone.
For god makes the way where there is no way. We will be together in time on time. Plenty of time to make new memories. I’ll fix it Mama. God will show me. faint not. I can feel you fainting. Faint not lord send Mama help. Thank you. Thank you.
And god did send help all along our way back to each other. God helped us both separately for the same things. In secret.
Welcome Mama. To my secret sanctuary garden inside my mind. Come to life. Now inside yours. Alice in Wonderland come to life in real life and no nonsense please. thank you.
And me. Not Alice. That’s you. Your Cheshire Cat smiling, and my teeth scared the shit out you popping in like I do. In those dreams crying. Smiling. Calling. I know. You haunted me too. 🥰
As I’ve been appearing the same. Now changed. Forever reborn. Both. Alice and cat drank up and moved down. No queen to paint roses for. Adoptions dead. We rule this realm now.
And I’m not here for anyone but you darling. My special cafe. I erected in the sky for us both. I pulled my room in my mind and plastered the place with it. Love. All over the walls where the pain once stained out place. Now gone. I can smell the fresh ground coffee brewing. And a mama singing. The sun shining. Me and the peps laughing. Or fighting? What families do when they reunion.
Those first years? Rehearsing old lines. Last six. Learning new ones.
That’s a rap!