Adoptees. Sentenced to trolling family while they weep because they are cut of at the pass. My own Mama sabotaged our relationship. It’s sad to experiences your own Mom doing such things.
When my daughter left without saying goodbye? My own Mama did not even call me to let me know she was ok and with her. And I was so shocked and dismayed that my own Mama would do such a thing? It’s not healthy. If Chelsie wanted to leave and be an adult them she knows what to do. Say goodbye like an adult and tell me herself.
But. My own Mama got between us. And I was like wow Linda? You are messed up aren’t you? Mama Jean may have driven me crazy at time but I never did her like that. Mama can drive you crazy I get that Chelsie. You only have one sweetie so. Yeah. Mamas a level up in that with two.
At thirty. I found my Mama after three years. she wasn’t happy to see me. But. That cat was out of the bag so she tried to show up and tried to love me. And that’s where it all just stopped after I quit calling her first. And that was my test of where we were at. So I saw after not calling her that she stopped calling me all together.
She never came to see me after I went to see her after moving back to the west coast. That’s when I knew my Mama wasn’t healed about me and she needed my help and it would not be easy. I married a man she never met and moved on trying to be normal. Normal? Ha ha ha. Adoptees are not normal and our Mamas are the ones who called us out of the normal line. So. Yeah.
I was married for 12 years. She and Phil came by once. And then. I didn’t hear from them anymore. For years. I lamented in silence. I held it in. And then Chelsie left and hit me like a clean sharp knife to the heart and holy shit balls did that hurt like hell.
When you child does that it really makes you realize your not where you thought you were. Everything changes. I began working on me. Expecting she would come and explain one day and she did come home once with a bunch of people. Which showed me Chelsie wasn’t healed at all. She did not even explain herself and just talked to my mom. I stayed out of the way. Why? Because I have a temper that I have worked on for years and I was not going to go off on Chelsie. That’s girl was gone. Meaning the old angry me that lashed out at her. Nope. She wants to act like my Mama well have at it girl. Good luck. Her choice. She knows that. I taught her that. Your choice. And now? She can’t face me cuz she doesn’t know how too anymore she follows a woman who avoids. Who blocks. Which hides.
That did something to me. And I knew who I needed to go off on. But I would lash out with words and use them to educate my own Mama about me. And. Now I’m just reporting adoptee news and sharing how I feel about it too. My children really only knew me as an adoptee. God can surround Chelsie with more adoptees as needed and then she (maybe) can see my people and that Mamas not alone in how she feels. Not sure she ever will since now she following a blind woman to hell. But? Who am I? Just her mother.
What my own Mama did not realize is that her reputation was shot with me. She gave me away. She never explained why to me after I came back and she struggled to reach out.
My oldest still talks about the card she got from her gramma that told her that since she was 18 she no long got gifts. My sons birthday came around and she gave David a gift. So messed up. She messed up right there doing my girl like that. She hurt Angela for no damn reason so messed up in her head. Why would my own Mama do my best player like that? That’s was a dirty thing to do to her.
Even dirtier was when Angela went up to Oregon to check on her sister like always. And the family didn’t even care. A veteran who fought for my Mamas right to dismiss her. Wow? Wow!? So entitled. So dumb dumb. And no. I won’t pour candy coating all over that. Mamas gonna have to eat that shit plain.
I’ve not been sure of why God lead me home except to see where god took me from. A sad lunatic woman that wanted me dead but let me live. Wow. I mean change my mind Mama? Oh. But you can’t can you cuz it’s the truth. The truth always comes out if you pay attention to the actions of those who say words with no damn meaning behind them. Mama didn’t want me. But she did want my child. Sick.
And I find it so funny. She loves Chelsie. Hates the one who made her. 🤣🤣🤣 ok? Can’t say I didn’t expect it. It still hurts. I had high hopes. I’m really glad I am more like my father who accepted me without a care. He owned what was made. Good men die young. He was my age now when he died and I could even go sing him home. Adoption.
Same for Jack Brumley, and Phil Brown. Cut off from even being able to say goodbye because it upset the siblings. Why should I get to mourn a loss? They get it all. Chelsie didn’t want me at Phil’s funeral. So. She got what she wanted. And I chose to stand in the rain so she could have it.
I would have sang them a home but nope. No one wanted this song bird to utter a word. So. They got what they wanted. They are getting what they want now. And all I am are words on a internet wall called a blog to read. You all don’t get me now. So don’t call me later. I’ve warned you long enough to come out of your own rain.
I came stand looking at this with them. Anymore. My family has made me sick to my stomach. Thanks guys. Love you too. From afar. I don’t need fair weather family members. I need real family member that give a shit.
They have no idea what I’ve been going through and I’m not gonna tell them. I’ll give a clue. It started in 2012. I began my blog in 2014. Do that math.