In between a rock and a hard place.
I love Mama Jean. But we really don’t connect like I’d like. There’s something else I need.
And it’s lot for her to give me. We don’t have to be so polar. This or that. Or one or the other will not satisfy me at this point. I’m just done being denied.
I love my own Mama. And I wanted all this out in the open. Triggers labeled and everyone aware. Obviously I zeroed in on Mamas buttons or triggers. Did she zero in on mine cuz it’s not a one way road.
I am just not able to tolerate squashing myself for anyone. I’ve grown out of the box of adoptions idea of how i should conduct myself. The rules. Must change. And if. Anyone’s got the right to change them it’s me I’m the only one who’s not had a chance to give Imput for a better experiences for us all.
And I have taken all into consideration. we all can work it out so everyone’s at ease. Of course my sisters would be turned on their ears. Of course they would not have a foundation. Mama didn’t give them one. Which is fine. A bit of work for me. But I am building our foundation together and they must know first is I’m not to be fucked with.
My body can’t tolerate lies any longer. I just go off. Ask Chelsie. It’s a limitation. But a blessing that keeps me from over extending myself. My nerves won’t deal well. So I have taken pain staking steps to explain my issues.
My language is different. And when I pushed. Like Chelsie Lynn pushes me. I snap. I’ve worked on this. But blocking me? Is a big no no. Blocking has only triggered me again and again. It’s so unhealthy. And I wonder why my own Mama would choose to do me like this? It must be a learned behavior?
And we have words. And we can work to set our boundaries and work through it.
At this time. I wish to spend time with my own Mama. I desire for my sisters to support this. I desire for trust to grow. And I’m so tired of my family just giving excuses for why it can’t. Forgiveness people. It’s time.
I will at some point end writing about you all. And I will pray. So watch out. It me warning you. I do sense things and we are all off track. And we must get back on track which is a simulation of my return. Completely. To bring the closure we all need. I’m done with y’all denying.
I do apologize for it taking me so long. I do wish we could have worked it out together but y’all didn’t choose that. So. Being a Capricorn? shits got to get done and six years is less then never.
Why don’t y’all try to get to know me? It doesn’t look good y’all doing me like this when I’ve made my request clear time and time again. And y’all freak out because I am angry and confronting this behavior day in and day out.
I’ve had to come Home and do all the work. What the hell did you all do? Complain. Ignore. How hard is it? My goodness. I’ve had to build relationship from scratch?
Well. I don’t know how much clearer I must be?
People must wonder when they read this about you all? Nothing to wonder about this open book? I’m pissed. No ones reaching out. I’m pissed you all taught my kids to be like this. Yeah. I’m pissed off.
I would like to not be pissed off and to have what I have waited patiently for. I am 57 Victoria. Share for god sakes. It’s time girl.