Being the daughter of two woman.

Now. Let’s talk about what’s real. For me.

I’ve got two Moms. And a few more Dads. Four Dads I didn’t really know that well. But. Well enough. One Dad was mine. But he didn’t get to see me until I was able to find him like some god forsaken Easter egg hunt.

If anyone’s tell me to shut up. They need to sit down and play the quiet game this woman’s teaching class. Y’all don’t have class. But I do.

To walk this world without what’s mine for the sake of an idea that’s not even gods idea. Moses was sent away so he could live. It’s 2020. Why are we doing this to children still?

Moses. Lived in the palace that God used him to destroy. How is that helpful? Did they get it right? That dynasty is gone. Wiped out. And y’all don’t even see the lesson. Did they get it right? Slaves. Did those slaves even get it right? They couldn’t even fight back. A thousands of children paid. Moses was spared. And grew up to wipe the slate clean and mop it up with a king.

Moses Mom had to do what she had to do. And I ask why are we still doing the same things? It’s micro managing at its worst. And I have felt man handled my whole life because of Adoption. I’d love to tell you a fairytale to make it all better. But that’s my truth.

I decided a long time ago to tackle this and bring reform. And I am not alone but my people have been altered and brainwashed.

A barren woman has no business being a parent if her body can’t reproduce. But I stayed and insured this life my Mama wanted me to have. And now I know what y’all don’t know. The facts. About adoption.

I’m 57 now. An adult. Yet do I have the respect of my Mamas right now? Hell no. One maybe read this blog. It is a lot to take in. Now you know how it felt to me. A lot to take in as a baby and my Mamas came even handle it. As I call them out in my class to teach them a lesson about me.

My own Mama hides. Blocks. And the other one pokes at the screen of an iPad when I share my Side. Talk about some entitles bullshit show. The audacity. The nerve. The delusions. And I am confronting their behavior and the behavior my own Mama condoned my own daughter to behave like. Hot under the collar doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now looking at this shit show.

Where’s my family? Asleep. I’m bleeding and praying in the garden from being crucified on Adoptions tree and my family is happy go lucky living the dream while I watch in horror as they go through the motions and repeat the lies over and over.

The sickness is so deep my sister tells me upon my arrival to Mamas place that I am unwelcome. I say, no shit Sherlock. She calls me crazy because she has no idea what it’s like to be me and is so disassociated with her sister due to brainwashing that she can’t even comprehend how hurtful her ignorance is to her own sister who’s loved her forever.

I’ve made it my vocation. I’ve trained myself with Gods hell for this day. I’m prepared to fight for what mine. And the demons live inside my families heads. Which is where my words go to tear down the strong hold that exalted the labels against the knowledge of god.

It’s not all their fault that my Mamas didn’t see this coming. Adoption blinded them. And it’s me who must risk it all again to have what is mine. To take back what the canker worm stole from me.

Mama Jean is called a mom. But she’s a caretaker. She’s not my own Mama. So just cry about that one and get it out. I’ve accepted her for one reason, god and I honored my Mamas choice and stayed to finish what was started. I will finish Adoption. She needs to die.

I am angry. Adoption in my way. Words spoken hide me from view. They see me but they don’t see me and I must explain it and break it down into little pieces to feed to them so they will wake up to the blessing of this woman who’s overcome a horrific experienced called love. and I now forge a new love. A better love. A better and complete picture for me. For me. After 57 years.

I’m doing this for me excuse me. I’ve got needs that have not been met and they say ask it it shall be given. I want my own Mama. With me. Humble. I want her clean and clear of all lies spoke. On my behalf. I want her ground in my truth. The truth of a love so strong I could take on all the brainwashing on my own Mamas head and end the lies with my sword of truth. Adoption is my fatted lamb as I cut it from one end to the other and gut that bitch.

This. Is what happened when you do Linda’s girl like this.

Adoption is cruel. To the children. Adoption is ignorant with no reunion plan and parents ignorant that we will go home after we’ve played house with the strangers our parents sent us too. Lizzy Boo. Looking at you girl. You may really be triggered by me but that’s only because Mama didn’t teach you how to face your past actions. But sissy here’s got you boo. You will be ready. And it will be your new heaven on earth when you boy comes home. I am your sister with love in me you’ve never seen the likes of in your life because Mama gave this woman filled with love away. I apologize it’s taken me so long to find my words. I took a hit at two days old and crawled out of the ditch alone with only god helping me.

Mama didn’t know any better them to just give me away and taught you to do the same and we are gonna fix that. Cuz your son will have better them you sister came home to. He will have me to turn too. And that’s the blessing in this storm called me.

If Mama felt so good about me then she wouldn’t be blocking. And it’s time we all heal this cuz your all affected. That’s plan to see. Mowed over with my words you have absolutely no legs to stand on. You must now trust this Moses to lead you to the promised land.

How do I even express a love that runs so deep? I’ve love all of you my whole life and maintained space my whole life for you in my heart while people tried to occupy the space reserved for only my family. Telling me to abandon you all. I did not. Because I know who’s I am from.

Living this life of my has made me grow up fast and my emotions and feelings have had to catch up. My children. My witnesses to the trauma I have indured walk this planet as amazingly empathic people who make this world better each day they take a breath. Valuable? Oh my god valuable to me because my Mama don’t want me. I wanted them and won’t ever change.

I’ve now got a very high tolerance for pain. I love you Chelsie Lynn my baby all grown up. Mama is trying to clean this up but if you’ll remember, cleaning is way more fun when you do it together. And so. I need you to help me. You saw my struggle with a temper. While I battle i front of your faces with my own demons to make myself better while tasing some amazing children. Who does that? I’ll tell you who. Me. Your Mama.

My body a killer of my own babies. Yet three live today to prove that wrong. I did not kill one of you and miscarried none. Each one precious. Does anyone even know how hard it is to give your children what you were denied? Nope. My children don’t know except to watch me struggle with it. Unable to swallow that pill wrenching I vomit the lies told to me out and tear the blindfolds of ignorance off.

Becasue

Chelsie is gone. I now know what my own Mama feels like. Giving up. I now know what is like to be cut off from your child with no way back. And it hurts like hell. Which gives me fuel to keep going until Mamas right in her head and we all can drink some tea. That will be the most amazing thing once we do drink tea and have our tea party as adoption flows in the Red Sea like the Boston tea party.

Cuz once I’m fully home. And we are all united. That will be the best day as we drink and enjoy our promised land and adoptions floating away lost at sea. That’s the black eye I want to give adoption for doing this to us. And to open the flood gates for my siblings to see this way home is complete lacking nothing. Confronting the lies and cover it with love.

I now stand at the door and knock. Will you all let me out cuz I’m already in you. I’m that pain that won’t go away because I am destined to come home to all of you a victor. Your patriot. Who’s fought the good fight of faith and won back what was taken without my permission. just like Ling David and ziglag. I am a woman. But I am king. Anointed king of my Mamas womb.

https://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/30.html

There no reason I came identify with a king called David. Who came home to desolation and destruction after being rejected by the philistine army who would not allow him and his army that the philistines trained to fight Saul the king. The same king he was anointed to replace. His family gone. His armies family. Gone. And they mourned and David prayed. And god said. Go get what’s yours I will restore them. And David. Rallies his troops, troops that had just lost all for fighting with him. And they followed David. And they took back what was theirs.

And when they got back what was there’s a message came. The king was dead. Jonathan was dead. And David was now. King is Israel. And a very dangerous man because he now knew how the philistines fought he was the wiser king. Fully trained to protect his people against the enemy he actually charmed into teaching him. Brilliant man.

And god used the philistines to crown him king and to rid the land of such a horrible man who had dared to try to kill gods anointed. David just went home. And god took care of it. Because David had won the war before they even got started. And the philistines want David to be king they could work with him. He was grounded and humble and not haughty like Saul. Saul has no song in his heart. David did. God is no respecter of person. What’s David’s is mine. I can have it if I can have faith.

David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.7 Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelek, “Bring me the ephod.” Abiathar brought it to him, 8 and David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?” “Pursue them,” he answered. “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.”

I love this part. As David consults the ephod. Cloaked in a garment of god. He rose and fought for what was his. And took it back. Just like I am. He wore a priest garment. Asked god. And god said go and get it back. Can you see me now Linda? You fear the wrong one. I’ve been trained by the enemy to know what to do. I’ve prayed. God sent me home for this day. To take back what was taken and restore balance to your brain and heart.

Preachers preach to keep the faith. They preach to stand on the words and claim them as yours. And so I have while looking like a fool for love. The love of a woman I call Mama.

Now. Tell me to shut up again. Yeah. I didn’t think so. I’ve got the right. I always have had the right to take back what’s mine. But I’m not taking now am I? No. I’m not doing y’all like y’all did me now am I? No. I’m writing words and appealing to your mind and souls. I’m facing off the demons in your head that have exalted themselves up agains the knowledge of gods design. Restoration is gods word. And god will restore what’s mine.

So. You back down. Sit down. And pay attention to me the sister who knows the worth of a mama who’s taken away. You don’t even know what she worth to me. You don’t even know your own worth to me if you can’t see this woman’s heart has bleed for years for you. I am loved by many. Crazy yes. But crazy genius I help everyone I know. And they love me for it. I’m that person who can help in a time of need. I say the hard things no one else has the guts too. I face the facts and help people change their lives for the better.

I look at all angles. I’ve lived a life of the invisible child dolls. I’ve observed family that have stayed together, overcoming all odds against them. I know we can do this is we all can see the value of what’s been taken away. If we value it enough to fight for love and family we will succeed.

We have time. And with that time we can heal ourselves. Lizzy boo can be prepared for her home coming. And she will have it. I won’t let her down by worry about hurting her feelings. Her feelings are already hurt living without a child born is a life sentence I will break her out of. She will not languish in a prison my Mama ignorantly places her in. She will not be unaware or unprepared for her home coming and it’s gonna be amazingly healing to her children who have also lost a sibling. Their eldest sibling that will teach them so much about love. A son who is making my sister proud right now by being a good person and living the life she choose for him.

I pave the way for him now and smooth the path to his Mamas door. That’s love guys. That’s love. And that’s a god damn good sister to have prepared herself so well for. I want my second biggest sissy to have that. And not this shit show me and Mama have. That’s why I am going to the top and confronting my own Mama to make sure Lizzy is ready for her promised land.

And she will see her promised land even if she can’t understand her own sisters love. She will when I am done. See me on that white horse riding in. She deserve what’s also still hers by birth right. This paper trial will burn.

Daughter of two woman. Princess to two realms. I work for both for higher ground then this. I’m not a goat for no reason. I am one of jewels in my Mamas crown. This jewel will be returned. Plus more.

Alright. Chew on that and let it sink in. Love you all so much. We will work this misunderstanding out into more understanding. I’m Linda’s daughter and so. It is. Blessed be. Namaste. Amen.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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