I miss you.

Growing up like I did. Who knew? That you all wouldn’t be able to even see you inside of me.

And. I miss the you that’s inside of me safe and sound. I miss the part of you I kept safe within me in you reflecting back at me my worth. I know your worth to me. Do you even know my worth to

You?

No. Ya don’t. Or you’d be here. With me now if you really really realized how much I love you.

And yes. I’ve been angry. What a waste of a white skin divided in two. See me together and it all get better. LeAve me laid out for all to see like the caucus of a traitor. And we all will go down rotten.

Am I forcing anyone like I was forced? No. I’m not.

I am pleading with your brain and heart to work together with me to take back what’s been lost or placed somewhere else.

But. I guess I fail to even express the depth of my feelings and all you see is a mess of a woman gone mad from neglect.

God? Please. Either help me. Or please. Release me from this body and set my spirt free from such a life sentence as an abandoned gift left out in the rain my her own family. I love you. Lord.

If I must stay on this planet. Them please restore my joy because this family dynamic has made me so sick. So sick. My words fail me. And I really don’t give. Shut anymore about anything but sleep. No art. No home. No sewing. Reading. No singing. My song is gone. Help me get it back lord. Please.

What a life this body must live Lord. Made by a woman half out of her mind. No ability to see the value of what was made from her she fill her

House with junk, junk she has more meaning in then me. Wow. I don’t want to feel like this. No. I don’t. And I don’t care who knows now how my hearts broken. I just don’t.

Make fun of me. Laugh at my writing. Ignore me. Abandon me again. And again. And again. Deny me. Y’all small kids behind my back. What’s it matter now? It doesn’t. Matter. It’s just a simulation running on without me. My presence is an annoyance. No one has answered my calls.

But thank you Lord for being inside me in the world gone mad. I’m so thankful you never left me. 💋I’m so glad you like the darkness with me.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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