Or? Is it stitching pieces together like my Gran Gran used too? So creative. Here. Google.
There’s way more now on the internet even in six years. Just like I began saying and keep saying like some kind of Paula Revere.
And tell my family how it is and they think they were tell me something I didn’t even know. Like I didn’t know what I was up against going all balls to the walls honesty mode. Like Mama wasn’t gonna blow her top? Or act like she is. I knew.
That’s why I didn’t rush it. God did not make me. It was a natural progression of natural response finally happening after years of denial. They call it developmental stages. And children go throw developmental stages with their parents. Especially with the Mama units. That’s a damn fact.
Oh Mama. We be growing up Mama. Finally. Together. Growing up and together. Mind. Body. And spirits. And gods moving anything that’s setting itself up against the knowledge of God and gods ultimate truth including the knowledges of the laws or nature. God made us like this. made us, feel like a half a person or something’s missing. And it’s gods gift to us for all we, have been through. And once everyone settles down and accept the truth it’s gonna be fine.
Coming home after adoption means the baby is now 30 and has rapidly gone through the stages of developmental bonding and all that entails remotely I might add. There’s not been a lot of contact with me and Mama for these 26 years. And less when I stopped calling her. She just didn’t ever call me.
I guess she looked herself in real good denying everyone cuz she denied me. And that’s got to be fixed. I’m here. Alive. And we all look like where crazy now. 🤣👏👏
I am thorough cuz God rules me. God wants or just right. And won’t let me be. Be. I’m Linda and Jeans. For god sakes ain’t no body spiritual in the family? Does anyone understand my language anymore? My children. Are fluent in their Mother speak. Guess they thought I didn’t know? I speak metaphors and go in and out of first and second any third references.
Listen. Try to explain why you are sick to a woman who you were not made from? She and I still struggle. I don’t know why? It’s not for trying. I’ll say that. And my children. If they could get over themselves. And we could forgive? Like I am illustrating here cuz that’s how I till. Examples. That’s how I teach. By example. If this ain’t some example of telling them to empty their damn pockets emotionally and mentally then what the what? little shits. Oh. I trained them hard.
So they would be hard on me when I needed it. Mama ain’t playing. And neither are you. But we now are working to change from quiet game to working on honest communications like I’ve been working on for years.
Life. Felt cryptic growing up. I mean everyone was lying to me. I knew it. Thank God Mama Jean told me early although they say that is not a good thing to do to a child so young. It did explain a lot of the adult behaviors. Sweeping me aside. silencing me. The unspoken rule to never ask until old enough. Restrictions I felt at a very young age. If you don’t believe it? Well. My siblings will take care of that I am sure.
My story carries much weight. Because I’m early. Blah blah blah while they rest waking up. and feeling that sting finally hitting. Makes you just yell all kind of things. Like a delayed PTSD exposed on steroids. No holding it back. Chelsie made sure at her sisters insistence.
One of the beat ways to heal is to tell your story. And face it. And so I have at the expenses of my own welfare. Because honesty. Being alone is killing me. As my eldest daughter. I’ve aged telling them truth.
And y’all made me