I feel so much like this.

In so many directions now. To want my own Mama is treated like some kind of treason to the Adoption ideals. It feels like Adoption appointed itself God over me and to want both my Mamas fully in my life is some kind of twisted, sick, idea.

And it makes me sad and upset. Looking at this that is my relationship with my own family. Separated. She’s the devil. She’s crazy. She’s sick and needs help?

Who started this I ask. Who decided? Who came to make the decision? Who came to deal with the affects of a decision? And learn the conscience of that decision if not me?

These polygamists. Leaving all they have ever known to learn and grow. Is that not me? Unable to return to the homeland, the motherland due to what? What is the excuse today? Ingrained bible bullshit. And poor interpretations. I’ve listened. Remember. I play the quiet game well. I just soak it up like the sponge I am.

It’s a shock to me? That I can even relate to a polygamist who wish to be free of a doctrine? A black sheep? Yeah. Adoption and all her hype could drown out their cries like mine longing to what? Leave a lifestyle of bondage.

To face my Mamas naive faith in a system and not God. The supreme rebellion. Chose to settle. What a crock. A hoot. Don’t let Daddy down Linda. He always knew you were gonna do something special and Adoptions just the beginning honey.

Slugger.

And she is rattling this bush. I’ve never been so lit up like a Christmas tree. Not this long? Not sitting down appearing to do nothing but complain. Or that’s what they say. 😱

Shouldn’t talk about Linda’s girl like that. No. She’s special. Reserved. Mama knows how to play the quiet game too. Cuz she taught me. This woman did not have a chance against Mamas prayers. No no. Oh oh. Me oh my. Holy hell!

Oh. And God used me to deliver each of her messages about how o was being treated! If not up to Linda Marie standards? Hello to the No! Thanks God she gave me such vigor. What a connection. Mama was not happy nor is she happy and she will not concede. One may have raised me if that’s what you want to call it. And on told the one raising what she thought about the whole way. Opinions delivered. Hello. Goodbye.

I am. Linda’s daughter. One of them. She let a Stranger raise. While she helicoptered then whole thing in her prayer closet. Daily. Hourly. Seconds. It is insane how far a Mamas reach is. And I can tell you with confidence. It goes far. Infinitely. She will haunt you. Take note Chelsie.

Whatever you said about me you said about me and my Mamas they raised me. There was no road back once the ink was dry. Only I could break this contract. And make a new one. And I’ve held my hand long enough.

I’ve made peace with it. Have you Mama?

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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