Can I please just have what’s mine?

Well? I don’t know? Can I?

What does it take to give a child her complete family roots when her own Mama cut them all up? I don’t hate her. That’s just the facts without emotions. I don’t like what’s happened and that’s my Mama is so stuck feeling defensive about what her 25 year old self decided and the results her 50 year old self has seen. That is unfortunate that she now struggles to adapt.

Is there wiggle room? Can wiggle room be provided so that I at 57 can finally enjoy a complete and fulfilling family life? This may not happen for me. I realize that. But this blog stands to reason with those who are awake and reasonable. This blog is hear for adoptive parents to see the other side of my fence that no one prepared me for dealing with.

If you have an adopted child now. Is this what you wish for them to find when they travel to their other home and meet the first parents and siblings? Because genetically. She’s still my Mama. But mentally. Well. That’s what I press to find out now don’t I?

Can we salvage what is and make it more harmonically sound so I the child can have a more harmonized life style with in fact two Mamas that fully supporting my growth. We will see won’t we.

Yes. I’m 57. And yes for six years I’ve been growing up and standing up for myself and asking for what I would really like after being given half of what’s now mine. Adoption gave me another Mama. God gave me one Mama. So now. I’ve got two. You tell me. Or don’t. Cuz it’s a hard thing to say but people Have tried to tell me what to do. People who have no idea try to tell me what to do. Well. Take all my side in and then again tell me to abandon one of them again.

I know abandonment well. Don’t ask me to do that when I know how that feels. K. Just don’t. Maybe take a moment and try to be me. A woman with two woman, both Mamas, and wanting so badly for them to set down the old lines and scripts and begin again with me directing now. Cuz I got a way better hook line and sinker then this dead in the water battleship.

There is more. But trauma. She needs to be dealt with and y’all therapist can turn away while I do your damn work on my own family. Cuz I’m doing this for the world to see and nor in some room where I file it away where no one can learn from my experiences as being a Hold labeled adopted.

I am my Mamas child. Both of them.

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