So. My Mama thinks this blog is horrid.

Okay? Thanks Mom. After 57 years to slap such a reasonable assessment. Thanks. Especially love feedback from someone who done little to even help my writing skills. So sweet. Yeah.

Why is she reading this anyway? My number one critic finally shows her face. Nice. She can write and tell my son and not me. Okay. Well? I’ll say at least she’s trying to communicate and David is my best filter right now. He actually has great and healthy ideas he’s suggesting. Of course. I already had the idea? So he’s very tuned in. We will see how Virgo, can talk to Virgo won’t we?

My Mom and I are like a German talking Spanish to a French man talking polish at this point. And I’m

Not gonna hide our communication struggle to save anyone face. If my Mama can’t understand me? Then most of my adoptee siblings will experiences the same thing in different degrees. My story sounds horrid because I’m kind of the only one doing like this. Unedited and raw real time stream of consciousness. Of course my writing doesn’t make sense cuz y’all don’t have my content.

I’m bleeding content to help my Mama understand why I am as I am and she’s taking it all very personal. Which is precisely what I am doing this to show my mental process working for a real reunion and not some fake as hallmark card. And with everyone working together we could have already been past this. Everyone want to shoot this messenger. God will just send another one. And another one. And as it is now I won’t be alone soon.

My family really only knows me. And I’ve not hidden my wounding from them which is way more healthy then to try to hide them. And my awakening to all my traumas has come in layers and waves along the way.

This awakening is taking me 6 years as I slough off the emotions that clung on for years and haunted me. I’ve faced my own fear of telling my own Mama and her not understanding me. I didn’t understand me until I went here to really release and relax my hyper-vigilance. An alarm went off in me. And it all just came out. And if I’ve lost my own Mama then this has proved what needed proving for me to let go and go on. I’ve given her way more then she gave me. So we are square. Now.

Chelsie can do the same if need be. She’s free to release me forever if she so wishes. I’ve released it to god in that case and only write to release at this point. My Mama seems to like to read this blog and eats what I write and says it tastes horrid. That’s for the confirmations. It did taste horrid to me too. especially coming home to this kind of family dynamic. Very eye and heart opening.

So Linda. Feel free just deleting me fully. And just stop stopping by to rubber neck this sight you hate the taste of but can’t seem to get enough of. I’m praying for you. I love you.

It’s ok my arts bad. Thanks. For the review.

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