Why would Mama want me to even go see her with my sisters such a mess? It’s not all me? I’m it’s the scape goat. Goat indeed. Took all the shit Mama could fix straight to gods throne room and ask for the keys from Jesus himself.
I told god I’m angry. God said why? I said my Mama ain’t working right. That’s why. God said I know dear. I know. And she’s connected to you too, which makes it so hard. But I’ll help you.
This is a journaling blog I’m not going to punctuate a stream of consciousness for you. Figure it out. You can and will learn something new without all the boundaries you can feel like me. What do she say? What did she mean? She did not punctuate that? Is it this or that? What? Oh me or my I’d like to stab my eyes out right low. Welcome. To my world dears. As Mama laughs at what I just said and see my turning around facing it all off for her. Her twister of words writer daughter. Who’s wicked with a thumb. 🤣💯💋
Oh Mama. Thinking I’d just let the girls abandon you like this. Yes. Abandon. They don’t mean to Mama. They just ain’t trained to love you like I do. You see. Grief is a funny friend. But once you just let her in and wash you over with the reality of it all like a blanket of living remembrance. she held me inside a bubble of love. For you. I just never lost it. It’s my skin. Filled with your dna that wraps me close and keeps me safe. Thank you Mama. Thank you.
Can you see me now?
I’m training the girls too Mama. Be proud. Stand tall. Who’s got you now? Is a warrior for the love of Mama on a planet that can’t see what’s what with you and me? Don’t cry. Or do. It’s up to you now to let that gorgeous hair down. Let it fall. And flow. How gorgeous. You are. Stop trying to make me hate you. I won’t!! I can’t. 😩
Gods not gonna let me hate you. So stop hating yourself and denying yourself of this reward. Gift. Gods says I am a gift and my sisters need to see that some gifts ain’t perfume and candy. They are lesson Mama taught one of her daughters that the others could even seem to stand? It could have been anyone of you. Lizzy Boo. I got you too precious woman I proudly call sister. Who Mama couldn’t teach her what I teach you now. Get ready. He will come home and on my word of honor, in front of our Mama, you will be ready and healed back together. I am your sister! I Be Linda!! Can you see me now?
Is my adoption costume gone yet? What a god damn label? It’s like shrink wrap to get off😩🤷♀️what they hell?
When an adopted person goes into therapy. If is for grief. That’s how we need to ask for help. We are our children’s parents denied access to them and must process the grief of that first or nothing will work. Fact. I am the case and point. For success in reunion one must be honest and it would be helpful to have some kind of mediator to help break it all down for understanding and learning of lessons so healing can truly happen. And it’s a family affair. All must be involved. All have in fact been affected in very foundational ways. The return of an adoptive child to her original family will begin the process after first contact.
Everyone will begin to change. They all will feel mind fucked and confused. it will feel foreign and abusive as nature take her original course and reroutes everyone as we learn all the lesson of adoption. Growth of a unit. Growth of a family. We are way more then my sisters anticipated. And more then Mama prepared for. But I am helping everyone prepare for reality to really sit in when I ever come to visit again. And we will act way better then. I’m sure of it. And Mamas gotten out of my way and sat the hell down and drank a cocktail and prayed like hell as her Hail Mary Prayers answers get delivered to her in style. Right on time.
Publicly recalibration the harmony of our units frequency remotely online through a blog with words. Just like god. Who taught me how. I’ve been tuned in for years. I am a blue Eagle. Rhythm is my thing baby. Everything’s a vibration. and I know it. I’m just now telling you I always knew it. It’s a gift. I’m tuning my family up, publicly because I know the power of words. If I trigger you? Well. Welcome. I’ll help that. Don’t leave? Do you really want that gun anymore now? Do you?
Sure. It’s kind of peaceful in the dark? The place of unknowing something where we dream of it. I’ve been there. I used to sit inside my closet as a child. I did this a lot after the divorce of my A parents. who did I talk to as a child? Mama? And God. Gods always there. I included Mama in my prayers. And asked that I be included in hers. So that I could track where she was at. At all times. Day and night. Night times are rough for Mama. She can’t sleep. And nothing helps her. She reads and a few other things. Prescribed. For sleep.
How do I know this? My daughter. A Leo. Granddaughter of a Virgo who’s blocked at the moment. This place is my open gateway out of that hell hole of a past life. And I am trained to read every sign. I don talk about it I just do it. I don’t expect everyone to get that about me cuz I don’t appear to appear to be that? I assure you I am. I’ve seen Mamas night in my own daughter while god shows me through Mamas veil.
She ain’t got no connections like I’ve got with god if she can’t see that shit happening up in my life? Oh yes. God tells me on you Linda Marie. And where you’re at with me? You’re wild and feral and how I like um! Do disconnected with that essence that’s in me talking back to you. Can’t fool and fool. Your match. Time three baby. We all love you and want you happy. I’m just your mouthy one speaking up for the crowd you divided with lies. We inside your lines. The troops? Silently with me. All aligned up to address you.
We like her! She’s honest and refreshing Mama. We wanna see more of her in you Mama. We love her. In you Mama. Bring her home in you Mama. We love you both. And always will Mama. Black sheep’s have wool and that shits worth money. 🤣
Skin me alive! No. Seriously folks I am a joker for sure and very dry indeed. A bit of a pusher is the envelops of minds and hearts to truly boil it down in my caldron of doom, to dish it up as the last eat soup for the soup. No chickens needed. No chickens invited. The jokes on you. Whatever I triggered triggers it in you. Ask yourself? Why do I have a trigger? What’s a trigger for? A gun😩 who do we wish to shoot and why? What? Are we trying to kill? Is it inside? A thought? A belief?! A wound? A misconception? Needing redirection? Yeah. I’m that girl if your asking me?
I’m here. And y’all asked for it everyone.
And not one. But two woman backed this bitch up. So suck it up soldier. Mamas granting me permission aboard and to move freely about her cabin as I please. thank you for stepping aside so she could finally let me in? Thank you. For worrying about Mama but you could have simply prayed and been in on all this business? To bad.