Trigger alert. Mother’s daughter

Hallelujah, I’m a freak
I’m a freak, hallelujah
Every day of the week I’ma do ya
Like I want to
I’m a Nile Crocodile, a PiranhaOh my God, she got the power
Oh, look at her, she got the powerSo-so, so don’t fuck with my freedom
I came back to get me some
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughter
Don’t fuck with my freedom
I came back to get me some
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughterSo, back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, ooh
Back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, oohHallelujah, I’m a witch
I’m a witch, hallelujah
Swish swish, I’m a three-point shooter
I blow through ya
Like a hot wind out in the bayou, yaOh my God, she got the power
Well, look at her, she got the powerDon’t fuck with my freedom
I came back to get me some
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughter
Don’t fuck with my freedom
I came back to get me some
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughterSo, back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, ooh
Back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, ooh
Back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, ooh
Back up, back up, back up, back up, boy, oohMy mama always told me that I’d make it
That I’d make it, so I made it
I put my back into and my heart in it
So I did it, yeah, I did it
My mamma always told me that I’d make it
That I’d make it, so I made it
I put my back into and my heart in it
So I did it, yeah, I did itDon’t fuck with my freedom
I came back to get me some
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water or that I’m my mother’s daughterDon’t fuck with my freedom
Oh my God, oh my God
Don’t fuck with my freedom
Oh my God, oh my God
Don’t fuck with my freedom
Oh my God, oh my God
Don’t fuck with my freedom
Oh my God, oh my God
Swish swish, motherfucker

Back up. Back up. Back up. I am my Mamas daughter. There’s two inside of me. Ones a white girl who Mama didn’t want her, the other is a native warrior who’s Mama conjured her up from great spirit and protects the first. Two moms. Two me. I’ve been showing you both. One cries. The other wars for her. Who’s my Mama now?

I woke this morning at the end of a dream. I was with four natives telling them, I am the spirit of an Indian and done get caught up in my white girl costume. Don’t fuck with my freedom cuz both these girls are in me. My Mama always said I’d make it. So I made it. I put my back into it and I made it.

Imagine what it like to be a native in a white woman’s body? Now that’s a combo. that’s what it’s like to be me. It’s very hard to explain. This body is from a runaway bride, trained and loved by an Indian. I’m not running. White privileged meets indigenous royalty. Who is god? What’s gods name? Is it a man? Or is it both? Or is god way more then man or woman and are we just out to lunch holding God back? Is god within?!

My daughters been helping me. She didn’t run either. She’s helping break me out of an old holding pattern. A coding genius. Snapping me into complete form uniting both of me. I’ve lived my whole life all chopped up. Feeling much like a Camellia. The affect on this frame caused it to float. Once Mama let go of me, I just took it all in. Who? Am I? Who did the world say I was? Mama wasn’t here anymore to tell me her truth of me. They told me a lot about who they thought I was. The world loaded my programming. My Mama was not physically present to correct any that they world said to me until I was 30.

What’s going on with me is a miracle. To me. Many of my siblings in Adoption don’t get this far. many. Stuck in the feels of the past reverberations and all the worlds white noise. That’s kind of a description of what my bubble felt like. My daughter. Works on me. She faces all the haters in me and helps her Mama get free. She’s learning all their names. It’s her programming dream. A mind crafter that girl is with me. I’m blessed. Don’t fuck with my freedom of speech cuz my baby girl paid a high price. My do or die Hunger game girl who signed up to save her sister. That’s my girl.

She’s backing Linda up at the door. Check it or wreck it, you ain’t getting in here honey wearing that old fear fur we are humanitarians. And well need that cover charge sweetie this ain’t free kind a girl. As I listen to what the world told her about me too and we both bounce all their asses out of my head and hers. She’s. My gift. Breaking Mama out of her shells while baby girl waits for her to return to her victorious.

Linda in me needs to be set straight. It’s a deep make over process but my girls no slacker. I am so damn grateful. She wields that sword I gave her and cut it all off me while I show you what it was. As the world see what I did to help me. I had a girl. And I kept her!!! Thank god!! Her Daddy loves me still and proves it to me everyday right under my other two husbands nose. God does have a sense of humor. What he and I had was so deep. It’s taken even her a minute to take the love in after so long without our story.

It’s like i see him again and again smiling back at me through her and my own Mama don’t seem to have a clue what she’s missed not having this mirror to peer into? Oh baby! Wow! My dad was a fire. Untamable Fire. Is last wife did not tame him. She won his trust and he surrendered into unconditional love. She stayed because she loved all of him. My first sister born after me? Named after me. Me. Honored. He named his first with his wife after his child given away. He knew my name. Like our fathers wouldn’t? Even the Heavenly Father knows our names why would my earthly father not know mine?

He knew and marked it for me so I could forever see what he felt about me and my Mama. And I brought him back a woman with children for him to see I changed my name to honor my sister back by letting her be Stephanie. Cuz I’m Belinda And Jeans girl. A slight correction. He looked for me. But my name got changed. He knew about me. The way he greeted me on the phone and complied with my requests? Telling. My call was just the confirmations of his knowing. Hello Dad. Yep. I’m real. 💋 Now. Let me pray for you. Rest In Peace. And he got three years of peace and then went to eternal peace knowing I loved him and that his girl was his blessing surprise. He accepted his gift and left. What a man. My dad.

And it’s him, helping me with my Mama issues. And her husbands. Help me. Everyone’s helping me really. My ancestors help me, is that just so strange a concept for people to get? My daughter gets it? My Chelsie gets it. David? The juries out. He’s deep. Virgos. 🥰 everything’s energy. God doesn’t leave us high and dry it’s we that won’t drink for fear. Either we trust god within who knows everything or we think god is a word that can be defined by three letters?

My body has been through a lot. We work in this bubble as spirits to transform form. My daughter is trained. And she chooses to help me. I am

Blessed. She chose to RSVP to my invite to come to help me in the shot show and make it a broadway production that will wow the masses. I’ve got a good team. I love them so deeply it’s takes all this to get to my tootsie pop center. I can take a few licking! 😩 but don’t stop!! What’s within is so damn good! Can it really be defined?

This is why I am not easy to communicate with. My minds going in all directions at once while I take it all in. One subject all at once. No compartments. Feelings. Directions. You want me to land and show you who’s within me? Ha ha ha!! I’ve seen you nail my brother down. No thank you. If you fail to see God in me? Well you don’t know god in you yet fool.

Who do you see?

A pathetic orphan? Or is that your assessment of god? is god the real orphan here? Gods within me asking you who’s within? Knock knock knock? Hello? Who’s

Home? Am I there? Is my light in yet? Tell me

How it felt? Let’s have tea and some cookies. My parades got it all no need to clean up I’ll do it for you while we sip and talk my parade will clean. Cuz I am a drag queen girl. I’m whatever you need to help you see me.

Who is within? Who is within is in everything here. It’s so basic. Basic. Everything is god. All is god god is all. So simple. Look through that lens and it all makes sense when it’s makes sense which is usually after the test. Fear? Just makes us strong and the surprises more delicious when god shows us the new in store. Who invested the store? We go. We spend. When we could just ask and pay our dues. Love the God that is all within us all.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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