My children.

My children don’t have to pay for anything they don’t want too. What does that mean? My placement was a prepayment.

What life is worse then that of a person abandoned? I grew up in abandonment energy and yet, I did not abandoned anyone. Which is pretty miraculous.

My youngest child just walked out of my life without even a goodbye. And I still love her and claim to love her and wait for an explanation when my you eat figures of what that is. I don’t expect her to be aware of every reason why she does anything. I don’t. I do anticipate that due to her training from me she will figure that out and will report it to me. She has nothing to fear but fear itself. And I do have full confidence she will do just that because I trust God who guided me on how to train my young so that when they get older they won’t depart from that training.

Not to mention again that I love myself that much to anticipate the same thing I have given to my own Mama. Why else would Chelsie be in EMDR therapy? 1. It’s healthy. 2. Her Mama showed her where to go to get healthy. 3. She’s my child. She will compensate and adjust. Just like I did.

Triggers aren’t bad. Triggers from experiences help you guide other to avoid things. It’s like a red flag for a reason and if you use your wisdom you can guide you children to make better choices then you. and also see the holes in your own Mamas idea of what and how family acts. She’s a different breed now thanks to Adoption. So that means Mama Jean changed the whole game and Mama is learning about her and so is my youngest. She don’t give up. So. I don’t give up. Fact. Mama Jean loves Chelsie in her way. She showed up for me which means she showed up for her and that’s an iou. Mama doesn’t get to trap Mama Jeans rewards. Flat truth.

And Mama has not handled her privilege of knowing my daughter by damning the woman that showed up when she did not and own it. Naughty. Naughty. And not very? Grateful of her. Yes. I will call a fowl ball. I am in the middle of this game. And I will call our players that are out of line and my Mama is no exception to the rules of engagement. I’ve earned the right to speak. 57 years I’ve earned with my life. And my mama can just suck it up now like she expected me too. 😳

I see just fine. I’ve been playing this game a few more years then my children who want what I want and got it due to my trust in God, which is a relationship with the woman I came from. Just that I waited 26 years to come clean is respectful enough of a time gap to wait to speak my side after long enough no one asked me. My children, didn’t even know the things I’ve shared here. And I ask you how would I even explain it before my Mama was found? I’ve been so patient. And I am pleased that I could and did hold such restraint. I was not sure I could hold back such a message. But I did.

I paved the way for my children. I prepped their way. and prepayed their way. What’s that mean? It means they don’t have to sacrifice. Even though gods word says we don’t have to sacrifice? I did it anyway as a way of paying tribute to Jesus and all he went through. I share that with him now due to adoption. So thanks Mama. My children are blessed. And blessing chase them down the street all day and all night. Nothing keeps them down. They are all amazing resilient humanitarians. And that’s to what I had to work with. Their fathers where good matches but not that great at husbandry. They are created from my Wisdom. They are ahead of this game due to my life experiences that I gave them.

My children’s friend? Did not have a life like theirs. They are extra. They are extra from me. And they are blessed and walk in the blessing of this woman who walked as a child lacked a winded and proved that label wrong. How? Abandoned leads to abandoned. But I transformed it and kept them defying the odds placed against them and me. I raised them to know the world as it is and yet cultivated democracy while they transformed what i gave them from what was given to me. It’s really beautiful. They are beautiful. Why would I clam anything else? Sure. I would accept what’s been said. I’d accept what my fears said. And I’d open up space for them. Yes them. To prove me wrong and relish that I was right, they would prove to be valuable. Which proves I am valuable.

They bring so much light to the world. Which means I am the lighthouse that created that with God taking my best qualities and cause them to shine back at me. And that’s. Healing in the rawest form. Each time I gave birth. I gave birth to a new me staring back at me saying, you are amazing, I am the proof in your pudding Mama. Xoxo.

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