If your a face booker, you’ve seen these fun games where they analyze your profile and answer the question in a way like these here on the page. The one above was funny, and not far from truth. 🤣🤣🤣 And the cussing? Oh Lord did my filter just disappear. I’m like an old woman when she’s lost her mind but I still have mine? I just don’t care anymore if you are offended. Why?
Well? Because I was offended a long time. And was very polite and kept my composure until I could hold my tongue no more. Probably all the butter I eat? Makes my tongue hard to hold these days. Which make this Facebook game so darn funny. As if Gods telling me. Yep. It’s ok baby girl. I got you. Go on tell them what ya told me. It’s ok to speak now. It’s me. God. Tell you I made your filter not filter anymore. Your filter was clogged.
Clogged filter? Really? That makes sense! Cuz I did feel clogged growing up. It did feel like a thousand people had my neck in their hand holding my words back. But? Maybe that was God holding me back? Letting me fill up with junk. And then to unleash it on the world?
And as I see it? Linda needs to get behind me now. Cuz she not supposed to be in the line of this fire. Sure. She needed to be cleaned off. True. Old this and that needed to be trimmed so that new growth could occur. Because she is a Christian she does not despise the chancing of the lord. We will hope for this. I am not so sure these days and working on settling down my doubts. Doubts I have revealed her and why.
I like this post here too. It sounds about right too. What a combo there. And I would need those skills to succeed at living the life my Mama and God are giving me. Looks like my percentage are good too. 90% or above is a good sign. 🤣
What did my Mama want me to do?
Well? Leave her alone for one.
I tried that. Didn’t work. God kept sending me people to tell me about you. I prayed for god to take my desire to find you away dear woman. For your ego sake. But god has other plans for us. Obviously. Defiantly for me to confront all this and tell the tale of a honest fairytale. And let the world watch the story transform before their eyes as they read the tale in real time. Sounds like a great read to me. Unedited first not later. Genius.
No copy right. Even more genius. This story is mine. We will see where it’s going won’t we? Will Mama stop crying every morning? Will she heal? Will she open up again? Will life become clean and fresh like after a storm it will she hide in her prayer closet for fear sake and no other? We will see as our saga continues. This is juicy news.
Grown Adoptee does what no other has done publicly while the world watches her work with her own Mama blogging like never before seen. Hmm? Yep. She is. Step right up. Get your popcorn as this heart wrenching story unfolds. As one adoptee takes it all back and forges new roads to explore that lead to home in ones self first. The roads in the minds of those who have traveled the road of adoption is where this story begins. It’s where I became aquatinted with feelings called rejection and abandonment.
And these two feelings have come to testify and prove themselves wrong. I’ve walked with them for years as they try to lie to me. So I brought them home to Mama to show her who’s been taking care of me. She’s the one that needs to tell these fair weather friends to leave me cuz she chained them to me the days she left me. Fair is fair. They know they are liars. They’ve come to show a mama the truth of what really happened. So she can release them from the whole family. Cuz if they are on me? They are on us all in my family. My family just is so used to them? And their lies that they can’t differentiate lies and truth anymore.
That’s why I keep coming here working to help their minds expand. I’m cleaning my rooms in my Families minds while I write. I change it for me and take my rightful place in this family tree. Visible. Public. Recorded record of where I belong. They can’t stop me really? And they really don’t want me to stop. They just want to understand and make our pain go away. And it is going away as we all learn.
It’s a god smack wake up news flash flood. God smacking us awake. I get the lovely job of waking my tribe. So fun. Fun fun fun. I’m working to turn all the alarms off and do a rewrite at the same time. That’s a big bit to take but, I’m hungry. Cus if my Alarms went off that means my whole family’s Alarms are still on high alert for what they don’t know but I do. I know why they are all blocked off. And I’m showing them. Cuz it’s power to the people baby. We teach folks how to fish here. We teach folks about how to heal a trauma and we don’t hoard.
I’ve been to the trained hoarders who did nothing for me but teach me how not to be with a gift like mine. I was more traumatized by a bunch of trained people that need the help the laces but make me pay to help them. Cuz that’s how it always goes. My last therapist is a schizophrenic. Wow. She’s scared of her voices and I’m supposed to fear mine? Mine don’t tell me to kill myself. Mine tell me to stay alive. I watched a man who had voices. He shot himself in the head. my voices don’t tell me shit like that.
There are voices of fear. How do you deal with them? Hide them? That won’t work? No. You face them and say so what if it goes like this? Then feel it. Is that what you want? No. So you talk to the fear and say let’s try and not get all upset now and just let’s keep going and see. We lead fear. To whom? Back to god. We take fear to god and we tell god, fear needs you. Fear needs some faith and hope. Can you. God. Please feed my fears with faith and hope so they will calm down.
I’m feeding my families fears here. Calling them all out and there are many. But my family is not fear. They are just facing fears in our DNA coding from days gone by so we all can get clean. It’s karma. Changing karma to be exact. To do that we must face the fears. Feed them hope and faith mixed with lots of love. pray over them so they don’t got back to their fearful ways. And then transcend the DNA fear coding into a new way of being. Faith and hope grow in shit like fear baby.
My Mama needs to see. How much I love her. And doubting Marie’s get what they need. Because she prayed. And because she should not have to explain, this alone to my siblings I have come out for us all. And also because she would want this for us all. No doubts there about that. What does it profit our family to be like this? What does it profit for she and I to have a great relationship while my family is left out in the cold? She’s does not wish for that now. She wants inclusion.
And I am working to help manifest our new beginning here.
People try to tell me adoption doesn’t matter. But trillions of adoptees would disagree. And I would present that home is at the center of everyone’s life. Including adopted children who in fact now have more then one. Because both matter to me. Without home where would any of us be? There would be no home.
Home. Children. These are linked from and to home. Mothers and Fathers are linked to home. So everything else is what we made up. And that can always change as we learn and change how we see home. Adoptees have a very unique placement in that we observe the family unit as a broken fragment from another family unit denied our family units. So we know the value of home. And we know the affects of the denial and replacement of home. It’s strikes hard at our cores. To close to home I would say.
Adoption is me is the invisible virus if the planet. Adoption strikes and a child’s cut off from the vine. Jesus told us to stay connected to the vine. To cut a child off show me we’ve cut ourselves off of the vine. I’m exploring my feelings and expressing them here to begin the conversations that adoptees wish to begin. It’s time to discuss this. It’s time to change this.
Everyday a child’s cut off or killed and we having gotten a handle on any of it. All we do is manage it badly.