So? It’s not cool to me is it?

My story to sad. To loud. To hot. To cold. Just to to for all of the kept ones. Cuz my siblings aren’t complaining about me complaining? They are fueling it with their complaints. Y’all want me to shut up? When I hear them daily. Y’all are just so darn cute. So kept I check. So grounded and permanent.

It’s just to bad y’all got kept. Cuz now you suck at compassion and understanding. I thought. That’s my own children would it could get me. But they don’t. Cuz I kept them. They don’t even know how their a mama feels really. I’m just some clanging symbol of adoption hanging out on the line of life.

It’s so much cooler to just hold the pain in and save face. Yeah. That’s just so darn healthy! Self inflicted verbal constipation. That’s what people want me to do to myself. And don’t shit in the yard of life honey. No no no. Your making a mess of it all. Well? It’s not me making a mess. It’s me showing you the mess made of me. So deal. Or leave the table altogether so I can deal with it all as I tell the truth and see. Who really for me.

My family ain’t here? So why they all upset I am? I’m upset that they ain’t here and they are upset that I’m here. Nice. Tell me I’m out of line? I’ve been out of line my whole life and now your telling me it’s true as if I didn’t see that already? Call me out of context. Adoption is out of context. I’m just a person who was moved around the board of life. A person who knew she was moved. A person who could do nothing about moving myself back to where I belonged cuz my Mama didn’t want me. She didn’t want me. She doesn’t want me.

Have I made this clear yet? Do I like this? No. I do not like this. Does my family care? Does my own Mama care? No. That’s how I got here in the first place. She cares about what she cares about and it ain’t me. And people want me to just keep sucking it up like slop on a bathroom floor all day. You sick it up cupcakes. Cuz I’m done suck anything up that makes me sick. You eat what I’ve had to eat and tell me how it tastes.

But you can’t can you? You got kept. I got gotcha’d. I got moved around. I got placed. I got cut off. And all my rights taken away. Yeah. My right to stay denied by my Own Mama and supported by the government. But this Humpty Dumpty is still operating. I put myself back together. And collected my affects. So? Was adoption gods idea? Or was it some human idea?

It’s an enemy no one sees because we all are in on it. Ignorance. The bliss one until the truth come out. Then ignorance is just dumb. And people soon see the ignorance for what it is. adoption. The half baked idea that’s torn us all up without even a fight. Call me crazy? That’s crazy. The way people decide who gets to stay and who must leave without even a prayer.

I was upset at birth. I am now even more upset at 57. Why? Cuz people are still just doing the same ole same old different day and it needs to stop drop and roll around here. Cuz adoptees are finally speaking up. We’ve seen a lot y’all kept ones didn’t even see coming. And we have our say in this matter now, that we are old enough to know the law was not working to save anyone but the bank.

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