Of course my Mama did not look forward to seeing me. Of course she knew it would be hard seeing what she had done to me. Seeing how I now lived and how she didn’t do a thing or so she thought?? But she’s getting all the credit for what she did with me. Good. Bad? I call it all good. If she doesn’t then she hasn’t done her homework like me. And I am showing her sides of herself she thought were long gone. It’s me coming back around and around. Pieces if her room flight a long time ago. And now I’m a dove bring the branch back now. Life!
I did not die. So that’s really telling about my mama and daddy’s strength put together. It’s strong. Which might not be how Mama remembers it all? Back in the 60’s it was strong like whiskey and stunk like cheese. In 2020 it’s aged and mellowed. And now just smells like shit from yesterday that no one even drank it ate? The rat was me. But I am not rat at all. I am a strong willed strong minded daughter she underestimated herself with.
I guess we now know how Linda would take being treated like this. She would not take this. At all. But instead would give it to me thinking she would get out unscathed? that’s a lark. Cuz we all go down like this if we all go down like this. Or we can change course?
Of course Mama knew she would see herself and Huey. She told herself such horrible things about herself and him she couldn’t even see the good? Her own voice to loud inside her head about a baby. A baby? And her dad? And that does deserve some readdressing and reframing for sure because obviously our foundation wasn’t very strong it needed me. obviously. I am here.
My parents never married and made a child. It’s like dealing with divorced parents before you even get out of the gate. Adoption. Divorce 101 of the heritage. Two sets of parents now. And no ones talking to anyone but me. evidently I am listening but are they even aware they be talking to me at all?
Of course this was not on Mamas to do bucket listen?? Duh? She ran from this a while ago. That’s for sure. How to stop the runaway bride that started a family and then ran away for it for fear.