What’s so crazy. Is I went up to see my Mama. Three times. And three times she let me leave. She keeps sending me away. Away. Away. Away. Can you see a pattern there? Subconsciously. True. But evidently still in send away mode. Trauma mode.
And my sisters all triggered? Evidently? Boy? My presence pack a punch? My family? Thinking I’m out? While I show them I’m all the way inside of this family dynamic. So close? A little to close for anyone’s comfort. I’d say. So close they can feel the hair on the back of their necks raise when I pass by. Eerily close. so close? They thought I was just a piece of them? Didn’t even consider I might have feelings about the how thee treat this piece of the family tree? Yeah. I don’t like it.
Do something about it. Cuz I am family you dodos. Act maybe? Not accordingly? Maybe act like I am a stranger now that I truly know what y’all think of yourselves? Like wow. That is some crazy ass adoption reunion shit right there.
They got me. And they can’t ungot me. Cuz I’m in the family fabric. My threads run deep. So? Who you gonna listen to now? Adoption? Fairy Tales? Blah blah blah or are ya gonna listen to me? The one on the inside of us all. Right where god put me, yet so different then we remembered. a precious package made from god? Unopened. I accepted. Unappreciated. By the person she was made from? That’s just sounds like some crazy shit right there? When you put it like that?
Can’t even accept how crazy they are? gonna throw it all on me? Woe! Woe! Woe! Wait a minute. Two of my sisters and my Mama were here before me. So I did not start the crazy train or did I guide it to this lovely destination. But I can guide us out if y’all like? Or do you just wanna stay here while the world look on at the crazy I am pointing out? Cuz I’m not crazy. I’m fucking smart. My Mama through away a smart one. She obviously needed some help with her life. So she sent me to the neighbors to learn some better manners. Now she’s the butt of her own joke and says it’s me. Lol.
So funny Mama. Your funny. Or is crying a more appropriate gesture?? Evidently yelling in the street of the world is appropriate. Cuz that’s what I am doing and you’re not stopping me. So. On some level you know you need this. Bravo on that.
Right there. My family had me. Did my sister hug me? No? Who does that? Reunited adoptees family, members that’s who! it’s a thing. They do darling. It’s so I’ll mannered and dumb. And some of them hide? Deny. Refuse to see. Blind evidently? It is quite the sight for these now even more sore eyes to see. Your family so oblivious to what’s even happening, so triggered and loving out some kind of nightmare right in front of you while you carry the groceries hopping they will wake up soon? Maybe they will greet me? Maybe they will not I just don’t know? What do you think is what this blog asks the readers but readers are befuddled too? No one knows what to do now? Therapist? Off track. And on and on.
No one. But me offering help that my family says they don’t need? Oblivious to the stares now on them through me. I’ve turned the lens so may family could feel what it like to have all eyes upon you like I did growing up. They’ve been oblivious to their sisters whereabouts. They don’t know where I have been? In front of the world. Letting then see Linda in me. Spreading the word to the kept ones. tell them. Yours kept you? You really should be grateful. Mind did not. And I am grateful. We got a time out. They call it adoption.
Mama wasn’t ready and appears she still not ready for me? So she threw me to the world so they could get used to me first. If they accept me then maybe she could? See? Without Mamas real reason why I can just keep saying this or that or maybe it’s all of the above or below? Who knows? No one knows except what I tell them about Linda. And that problem scares her? She worries about her reputation? Obviously. Or I would not be blogging about all this now would I? No. I would not be.
And this blog is making her real to people, cus she is real. Shes a person with feelings and fears and love to give. Just like all of us. She just has nor understood her daughter? So I grew up to go home and explain myself to her. Then maybe she will have ease in her mind finally. Cuz this did not give her ease of mind. No. Her mind has nor found ease living like this. But? It’s all she’s known. Until now. Until her story telling daughter got on a blog to see if we can do this rewrite right. Finally. What a messy story teller adoption is. They don’t file things right? If at all? The edit what should not be edited. It’s a mess. All jammed up and no peanut butter. That’s no sandwich I want to eat.
And so the adoption tale goes on. Times all of us adoptees with similar variables but a base story line to follow. Our families reactions are. A mixed bag of loveliness we the children of this fine organization acting as god. They had it all figure out didn’t they? Nope. They did not. I found the flaw. I should get a prize or something? My siblings see it too. It’s just explaining it to all of you who don’t see. That’s the issue.
Trying to make a fairytale real? Now that’s a screen play writers dream. Disney? Did he make Pinocchio real? Do we even know the stories real meaning? Do we? What am I carved of? Wood? What are my siblings? Carved of? If not carved from our Mamas bellies to perform for the world? Showing them how to appreciate the Mama and how her loss has a damn affect on us all.
And no. We won’t get back into a box so you can understand ya. It’s you who are getting out of the box now to come into our world. Which is trillions strong and growing by day. Children will talk about us in the future. And our names will be linked to praise and not curses taught to our Mamas. adoptees. The invisible visible holocaust no one even saw coming.