Going back.

Going back. Everyone say to go forward. And we all do go forward. And then. We go back to see. Where we just came from. And for me that go back started when I found Mama and could now look at my natural nature working in my family to see what kind I came from and what kind I went too. It’s a surreal ride of the mind that takes you back but launches you forward.

Because it does she you how far you’ve come without your family. You watch them. React to you. And then remember. Your own reactions. A pulling away. A hiding. A blocking. Fear. And that when you see. You ain’t in Lindaville no more. And that’s when you invite your family to a safe world. The world I was thrown into. Tested by me. Safe.

When they believe me. We will be restored. Better than before. Wiser then before. Aware. Awake. Alive and living down walls that held us apart. Mama? Wanted me deep down to catch her on every lie. To free her. Not flog her. She’s been flogging herself for years now. This ends that flogging. Her spirit whips her body into shape. While I narrate. And I try to stop her. From doing. My whole life. My Mama addicted to cracking her whip on herself. And no rest. I mean no rest for her soul. And god damn it! She will have peace about me so help me god damn it!

It is a profane thing to leave someone so long. But to leave us three and our family. I will not take laying down without a fight for a clean slate from god who I confess to now for my families sins and missed marks. I do have the right to by birth. If you hadn’t notice? 😩 our life now that reunited is a lie. I will not have this behavior. We are connected. And we must own it. To even be blessed. To walk and call God our father and mother. We all must confess when we got it all twisted up. And remember. Little sister didn’t play. Cuz she’s already a winner teacher losers to keep trying cuz they are winners already they just can’t seem to believe it.

Still. Connected to a story long gone and now a lie. By my training begat is real? What is the truth? Two woman. Came together. For us all to learn some lessons. And I’m claiming that story. Cuz it goes somewhere. So go back all you want to and I can recount it all. Are you ready for better? Have we had enough of our ways? Are we willing to work together? What are borders anyway? What are we blocking? Why are we blocking?!does anyone see the pattern? Keep going and going until someone says hey! Did you see that? What is that pattern in behavior? Hmmm? Curious? Why do we do this? Walls? Protections. Does it protect or does or block? That’s a deep question?

And then from within our homes we reconnect in the sky through a devise? What a curious people we are. As I type my words onto this screen and see my presence known publicly. I feel at ease knowing. I’ve finally been seen. For that I am grateful.

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