My mama has been observing my family’s reactions now.

Publicly. Just to turn the heat up a bit. She’s seeing how everyone’s reacting to what I say. If they even read it? If they even care? About her. About me? I wonder what she thinks about the girls reactions now?

What are they gonna do about this? Or can they even do anything about this? Are they able? To receive a sister? Wow! That is some sibling rivalry right there. It packs a bang after 50 years don’t it? We would have been long past this phase by now if not for adoption holding us all up on our childhood developments.

Mama thought it would be better later then sooner to meet me. Her special surprise baby. Now grown up and a woman of her own baring the name of my own Mama tucked into it. God is good. Tagged. Who I came from not only in my dna, but the name of my baker right in my own rename. lol. God made sure I got the right labels after all. Despite adoption.

And I named my children after someone in my family? Chelsie was the only one I did it consciously? That’s magic. My sister might think that fact is dull. But not me. I appreciate that my children each bear a name of someone in my own family. It give me comfort. God knew all along. I’d go home. Cuz god was leading me the whole way. Can my sisters say that? Is god leading them now? Away from me??

Or is their flesh and ego in the way? Of our destiny? Are they blocking their own blessing too? I would say yes. I know I am a blessing. And I would ask, why would I even consider anything else? Except for being presented with something else? My sisters really challenged my worth and value. That’s for sure. And I did expect better from them and found less. The less Mama left when she chose to not tell them of me.

But. The choice has come back around so they could choose and not choose like Mama did. Pour Mama. Dear in her head light and it’s only her daughter? Feeling on the spot. Just like me at birth. Put on the spot and no words to say no thank you with or a Mama that knew what I was saying at the time. A mama that cared about herself enough to kept me. still get a chance to choose again and again. That’s gods rule not mine. Second chances. Always keep coming back around and around.

But they are loosing now. I won by staying true to who I am and never forgetting where I came from was down right humble. Arms open wide. No one running at me? Why I don’t know? Adoption I imagine. I’ll just keep holding my hands out and maybe? Just maybe? My family trust will be fused again together with gods holy love. While I stand in this gap. And hold space for them all to come into this promised land with me. Fear may not enter. So they must lay that down to even travel to where we will travel together once again.

I sure hope they figure out what I am saying soon. This waiting is driving me crazy. I’m getting impatient. True. Thank god. I’ve got god to hold me now.

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