Yes. disruptions are a part of life. But.

For the adoptee they are more of the norm and not the exception to the rule.

Talk about disruptions? Disruptions disruptions of the mother lover of disruptions. Adoption is an elephant in the room called this planet, disrupting what I want. always has been disrupting what I want and is always out of order in my court room. Silence! Adoption!

Your going to jail. I’m done with gig parading around looking like normal and not even being normal. Adoption is such a fake ass hoe. Trying to tell me my own lines when I know my own thank you. No. I’m not fine. You took my Mama and I want her back.

But. Adoptions got you fooled not me. Nope. I saw adoption coming. And y’all need my prayers now. Your welcome. I already prayed for this day. So. You’ve been cover with my prayers to handle this day coming round again and again until! We get it right. And not left anymore. Thank you.

Adoption is a one legged dancer. Dancing always away from what adoption could dance towards. She’s such a player that one. In and out. Weaving around. Drunk off stolen love and drooling for more. More blood! Give it to me. Now. and infecting people daily who got caught doing what folks have been doing for years without a Anne’s license. Procreating.

And yet? People don’t know how it happened? Oh my? It happens when people are stupid about what the powers to create means? And fail to learn how to protect it. Woman still are not protected? Against advances? They simply yield. Why? Cuz men seem to feel entitled to our honey don’t they? Still? And woman have not learned the art of love and war yet have they?

Do woman train their young woman to fight to protect what is there’s? Well? A little. But men get in anyway? Taking. While we give and then get left hold the bag cuz he don’t wanna pay for what he helped create? Not even the ones that marry want to pay for the children after they played. I’ve been married thrice! I should know. First one don’t pay a dime for his girl. Second one tried to not pay for his two? But I learned from the first one what to do. Go to court and demand that the court clock his ass and make sure he paid for all three. yep. He paid for the firsts child and took care of his brothers bill. That’s how I roll about that!! My children watched me fight for their value. Cuz I know what they are worth. Way more then any man has paid. That’s how much.

My fathers actions disrupted my life and cause my Mama to disrupt it even more. That’s where I came from. A big disturbance no police man even saw coming. If Mama says Daddy took them Daddy took. Mama didn’t want any price of that man in her life that’s what my Daddy gave her. Me all caught up in the middle of this disturbance they call love. Capricorn’s don’t like being disrupted. I’ll say that. So Mama and Daddy’s fight affected me. Their little bundle of joy with all her names. Thrown away. A mistake my ass.

Some family fights go on long after your daddy’s dead. and Mamas been fighting god the whole way. About me. The cat in her bag she can’t seem to leave alone. And she could get to know this part of herself again all changed up and different. But she’s scared of what she created you see? Scared of her own daughter? Scared of a relationship that came back from the past? Am I the past or the present? Can she even tell for the mask she has worn for years since our parting?

People think it’s me that’s upset. When it’s my Mama that’s upset. She’s like a wounded bird who’s been gimping for years but my family is used to the gimping. They can’t remember what she was like all straighten up? But some how I do remember? God love me I do. It’s me leading her out of the dark tunnel. Making it safe again by calling out all of her demons so she knows that she knows this is god answering her prayers. Through her own daughter. Yeah Mama. Daddy was a mess back then. Okay.

But I got to see him after he got broke in. God took care of that man Mama. He learned his lessons. Mama. Stone cold sober minded when I met that man Mama. He remembered you Mama. As he looked at me. Mama. Into my blue eyes showing him who was full of shit. He lost his shit after you went away Mama. You broke him. And I finished the job. Your welcome. And I used love. He knew you. So he knew not to fight me. be and my new name. Belinda is who he met. Not Stephanie. You broke him for Karen to finish too. Cuz men have many sides that need addressing. I was the last boot to the butt all wrapped up in pink. God took care of it. That’s all I know.

I’ve watched karma get delivered to those who messed with my position. My whole life. People so strong and thinking they knew. Didn’t know about me. No they did not know about what god was doing with me. Using me. While you went on. Without me. cleaning up the mess everyone said I made. Cuz someone’s got to clear this up? Might as well be me. The subject of such scorn and rejection. Called love and adoption. Twisted all to hell.

And I am not alone. I am multiplied into trillions now. But our themes seem the same yet different. Used. By whom? For what? Why we wish to know. Do you even see? What people are doing with the children these days? When Jesus. A man you would believe would carry some weight around here said, suffer the children to come unto me? Who is me? Supposed to be if not you? Was he a teacher or not? Are we to follow and allow the children to come into us? Or not? What is a disciple? if not a follower of actions as well as words?

Humanities flaw. Pointed out by god through me. Learn the lesson adoptees bring forward and learn much about how to change human nature to reflex our original nature is to stay connected. Not everyone gets to be a mama? Not at first and some do. Support them and then see your own womb open up to give you your own? Seems so simple to me? I’ve helped a lot of Mamas in my day with children working my way up to deserve to create when the time came because I asked god to spare me the path my Mama had to take as a child. Who does that? If not a child who’s love was spurned by her own Mama? Who prays such a prayer so young? Spare me an unauthorized pregnancy? me. That’s who. Me. And you wonder why.

Disruptions would not be what my children would be conceived from. My children would be intentional and all welcomed. But they would learn from me what I welcomed felt like. So they would be ahead of the kept ones and kept all the same. Aware of the pitfalls of abandoning yourself all bungled up looking like a child. I pray they succeeded at not killing a piece of themselves. I do. Not want that guilt in them at all. But it’s not for me to say. Mothers are only directors. This way gets you this and that way gets you that. They are the choosers. I pray they all have chosen well and been protected.

Each day. My prayer. Protections for my children’s steps and mine. As well as my family. As well as for you the one reading this.

Adoption seemed to amplify my concerns for everything around me. Once you’ve lost your first love it’s not the same at all? Spending a life time having people tell me who to love is a cruel joke on anyone trying to just grow up and be happy and find their Mama. Exasperating. watching people just sound silly? Thinking if my Mama saw that she’d read them the riot act? And having folks think you’re the crazy one? What a life indeed?

When I heard that shit talk come right out of my precious sisters mouth? I flipped my lid! No!! Not them too? They got to my family? Oh god no. This must not be. Are they believing this? And not me? No!! Your damn right I’ve poked them for all they are worth to figure out where to even start clearing this shit talk up! I was stunned. But determined to clear this all up and we are talking about a lot to clear up around here cuz people are way off track about adoptees experiences. Way off.

We are like you. But cut off from ever really being like you in the one fact that our family’s got separated and yours did not. and that fact changes a lot. A lot. A lot. Like a fractions of an inch when doing the molding? Off. For anyone abandoned or lost or separated. This factor contributes to a whole lot of behaviors that happen after that fact happens. It’s alters the ingredients. And alters the outcome.

And I’m just sick of people playing dumb. It’s time to learn. Listen up. This path. Changes a lot for the participants. And our desire to come home is a constant. It’s in the DNA original programming that adoption does not reprogram but just paints over the top off. At some point we break loose that paint and maintain presets and search for home and Mama. That is not being talked about by many and is by me.

Adoption does not even have that fact on the radar. People adopting if they knew this? Well? Adoption would change cuz they would know where this goes and the work involved before they signed up for this ride. kids are work. Adopted kids are twice the work. That’s a fact no ones taking about until after the fact and the Mama has been cut off and there’s no way back to even help the child now living with trauma and separation. Cuz it’s evident. But no ones taking about it for what reason? Being exposed. That’s the reason. Everyone’s been duped. And no one wants to admit it. They got desperate and took it out on a little child who already had a Mama. They took advantage of a world that doesn’t get natural laws.

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