Evidently? Mamas life without me was uneventful?

Not so for me. Evidently? Mamas got know stories? Thinkin about me? Feeling me? Yet different? Guess I got all the feelings? And she just died? Mother board down kind of thing?

Guess I made it all up? Yet I see the same thing happening to the kept ones? Plugged into their Mamas who guide them. Where did my mama guide me too? Did she? Not even consider she was my first leader? That means she’s first? I may look like I am following another? But I’m following my Mother over here. Sound crazy? I did not invent this game. I did come to dismantle it. I know that for sure.

It is much like being behind an enemy line. Of what? Of life? And we the products of life hidden for fears sake. Fear has had enough of me. But I can tell you the tales when I couldn’t get enough. Following Mama through her every fear that were still alive in me begging to be freed. for she dared to live. Dare to love a man. Give herself. And receive. Me from that dare. That wasn’t a dare. She was a gift. Proof in the pudding of Mamas life. So sweet and delicious. Folks just can’t get enough of my Mamas love.

Twisted? You twisted me. I’m straightening it all out. for you twisted folks that couldn’t seem to see about me.

Yes. You did piss me off to no end. Until this separation shit ends. Then? I’ll have nothing to piss me off then will I? And we can in fact really go back to living can’t we? And live some better stories then this. But folks need to know where this. Went. For me. Let the record state. This is my life story about my Mamas and me. All twisted up together and me making nonsense.

Mama Jean learned to accept who was in charge for me and she needed to line up with me. Not what she was saying. She still said it. But we did the way I wanted it. She hates that. I followed my own beat. She struggled talking to my brain. She tried to command me like a dog and that just did not set well with how I felt My own Mama would have done it. Talk about a loud inner critic? My inner Mama. And this critic lives in my children. She can’t be programmed out. I’ve tried. Just keeps coming back up and I must follow.

And she’s calling me. If you must know. And it’s me with the condition. Come get me. I need this.

Cuz I followed. And marked every crumb. I know how we got in. I know the way out. It’s time to follow me and trust me now. Like I’ve trust you. This whole while.

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