I’ve been working on ways to remodel Mama Jeans house.

But she would rather complain about money and then suggest we go to the casino to do what? Speaks money. Our beliefs are quite different.

When I know full well I can do the work? And she? Doesn’t have a clue who I came from. I do. But she don’t. My own Mama knows if I can did it? Cuz she can do it. Which means I am able to do the remodels.

Mama Jean thinks I need a man to do it? When the last Man learned from me how to do it. He was held back by his own Mama? And I set him on a fast track to doing anything he put his mind too. Just like I do. Just like my Mama do.

How can my Mama sew the wonder of herself if not by taking a look at what came to be of the price of herself she rejected? I’m asking cuz it’s a real good question. And I’ve been held back by both Mamas while my own Mama thought she was putting me at the head of som class? Only to find out who she sent me to could hit the broad side of barn? When looking at sizing me up? Mama jean ain’t got all the info or details about my parents to even add me up right or left?

There’s a whole lot missing in her file about me. A whole lot she can’t see cuz she never met the woman I came from. She’s seen my potential as far as my Dad was concerned. But she not impressed by men at all. So she needs to see how my Mama rolls to even get a grip on my potential.

Mama jean can by booze. Smokes. Even pay for the electric that would be lowered had she just invested in the garage remodel? Way cheaper in the end would have been what she spent? Papa was the better math man then she. He invested hard into me. Hoping I could salvage what he made in her.

She’s living off of principal now and not interest as he set it up and blames it on me? She changed the accounts and never fix it. Like I suggested she do. She likes her broker that fucked it all up better then to call him on his suggestion that this was better? With me here to help her she can’t take my help? Why? Does she not wish for us to succeed or is she to stuck thinking I’m to blame?

When I married my last man she invested hard into that union? She could not seem to invest in me? Going to school and graduating? But she could give me

Money which made me dependent on her? Way better way to do it. 130 thousand invested into a home with a man that left and could stop lying? Left me with 10,000? Which I gave to her and bought myself a new phone and computer?! Did she stop me? No. Now I am living in her garage? All very curious.

Adoption seems to have done such a great job with me? Seems adoption never even considered I’d grow up and need to fend for myself? Seems my Mamas never considered this either? What a plan! Yippee! I’ve just followed the leaders people. This is what ya get if your loyal to your mothers. Orders that suck.

They both never considered I’d have a mind of my own and have been quite shocked at the site of my own mind taking over. How dare I think on my own? I mean they have done so much for me? How disloyal to them? No. Disloyal to Adoption rules that didn’t rule me into this game of three? Or account for me growing up?

The perpetual child. Pinocchio all over gain. In the minds of people who can’t see the real me under all this veneer and paint. Parading around like patsy’s clown?

How does a child who is still her parents child get seen around here? I’d like to be seen for who I am. Not who’s I am. If I am gods child like everyone else? Is this how we treat gods children? What’s the standard around here? As I see it the standards need to change.

If we came sew this up? I will be forced to leave them both because I do not agree with our relationship as it stands now. Is that what Mama wants me to do? Does she want me to do a Chelsie Lynn move on her and mama jean? Cuz that’s kind of looks good right now? Chelsie did show me it is an option? Just cut the toxic out. Leave. Don’t say goodbye. Fuck it! Run! Is that what I should do?

Poof! Gone in 66 seconds. I’m sure god will show me my course. I’ve always warned folks before leaving. So? Guess I’m not like Chelsie Lynn at all.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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