Climbing out of an early grave

Ain’t easy. When you are still alive and kicking for all you are worth. Why? Cuz I am not dead. I’m just misplaced. Like I don’t know who or where I was placed? It’s only been moved so I must search for home? And my Mama is still home.

But now? I must tear down all the strong holds that lead her to believe she’s not home for me. And that’s a job people. It’s ain’t a pass time or a addiction. If you were me? You’d be doing what I am doing for all I am worth. Which is a lot.

That my own Mama fails to see me for the worthy person I have always been is so disconcerting. And I have not hidden my disdain for this Adoption rhetoric that’s in my way. How else do you go home? You Mamas been brainwashed? So you must face the bully that’s now in her head fighting with you knowing gull well that your Mamas trapped inside and her souls calling you. Home.

I am the Lazarus now mixed with Moses and Joseph. I’ve worked hard and I have the war of the king now. In fact I got Gods ear at birth when I let out the war hoop!! No!! No!! No!! I came to stay!!! Not go away.

Mama was lead to believe. So belief is key. That this was great. Her actions don’t line up with that ultimate believe so? I am showing her the conflict has always been there but she had to just keep reading the lines given from a cruel task master called adoption. And working to convince her that Adoptions not her friend is work. in the end we got left with way more work then if she had of kept me.

The things I’ve shared here? Where said. To me. Around her. Everywhere. If that doesn’t make a woman in her position scared what will? Adoption doesn’t have a manual. Which means theirs no chapter for trouble shooting. This is that chapter being written now.

Me and Mama are working it all out while folks read about it. She’s listening. I’m telling her this side so her side seems more clear. To give us the balance adoption took when I was permitted to leave. Encouraged to leave. If my Mama felt safe back then? I’d have stayed. But obviously she did not and still struggle with fear about this right here. If she was free? She’d be with me and we would not be like this. Fact.

Mama love is unconditional. So. Who placed a condition on my love I ask? Who’s the regulator? If not adoptions laws. Opinions of people who deem a child needs to go or stay? Who does that? We do that to our own children. Rather then protecting the bond and what God brought together we throw shame on it and throw the baby out with the bath water to someone else? That’s what my own Mama was lead to believe was right? And it in fact is quite left.

So you can see why I keep telling Mama to go right. She’s stuck in a left brained idea and needs her right mind to create with me what’s right for us now. Now. Now. we can have better. There is no need to just stand like a deer in the headlights of love and shrink back. Love is bold. Unapologetic. Crazy. Because when someone connected they are connected and that means they drag you energetic into everything you do. And a mamas drug me around for years. Now. I am alerting her to that fact. That’s she dragging me where we need to leave.

I’ve shown the light on as much as I can. So she can see clearer then adoptions glasses have given her to see. Looking through the lens given to her back in the 60’s by people that had not gone through it and had really no idea of what this path brings to the whole unit? Madness I wish to end. If my words don’t tickle my mamas yanked off ear then I’ve got more work to do. there’s something she needs me to say. I must say it.

And it’s not an apology. Someone else should apologize to us both. But who? Who do you place the responsibility of this on? That’s the kicker of Adoption. As of now there is no precedent for restitution. There’s no money back guarantee for anyone. It’s just a crap shoot of an idea? It’s on us to make this work now. They just facilitated the supposed matches. We signed away. No insurance but we.

Y’all about to get the total feedback. I’m just a warning shot fired. By God our father and Mama. And backed up by Jesus our brother. the truth gonna set us free come hell or high water. Cuz we’ve had enough of enough if this charade.

With as many swords of truth I own now from this? I’ll poke a hole big enough for us to see through this veil of deceit. Take me and times that by trillions? That’s a big hole. And my Mamas seeing how strong I am without her arms around me now. Fighting a war for love sake. Mine for her. And I will not back down I’ve got no reason too. Cuz I know the truth. I’m waiting for my siblings in this to finish waking up and y’all gonna see us in droves coming after the lies like the truth sayers we are in the making.

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