I always felt a deep connection to my mamas energy. I did not deny my feelings when asked.

Folks just didn’t ask. They like what they imagined better then my truth.

Raising me soley as ones own when I am not ones own except by paper that’s says so. Who is that paper anyway? I don’t like him. What kind of name is paper? Telling me who’s I am as if I am dumb, blind and lame? Who? Thought this up? Not even Moses new Mama did that? If folks wanna get adoption etiquette picky on me? that’s a deviation right there all this private adoption shut up in here. And the Bible clearly states the facts so Every one can read about Moses and his people? And the crazy king kill them all and making them act like slaves. It’s took a child having to grow up not living with his family to get them free? Plucked out of the herd of sheep to learn from a crazy Kong’s sister? Hmm? Okay?

In my adoptions day they hide it? From who I will never know? Cuz I knew? My mamas knew and the whole town knew. We learned to hide it and all the incriminating evidence of the tragedy of the collective loss of mind back in those days.

Like adoptive Mamas. Own it. You ain’t they Mama. You aren’t the one god sent that child too first. Ok. Own it. That’s the truth. Accept it. You are second best. But that’s not that your second skimming. Seconds are great! Everyone likes seconds of their favorite food when hungry. so lick those wounds for lying to yourself first. Then stand up and do better then the first. She tapped out. Ok. But she’s still connected. So it is a slippery slope you are building with this child on. Own that too. Watch your mouth and what you say about the first one. She still counts to the child and always will. And that’s their business. Not yours.

Obviously me and my first Mama got shit between us. That is plain to see? 😩🤷‍♀️ and we working it out here so folks can learn from our lesson away from each other in this filling off period called my life. She definable has struggles being ready for me. Okay. That’s on her. She’s got some coming up to do for sure. Cuz I’m calling it by birthrights and she didn’t even consider that to be a thing? It’s a thing Mama. Yeah. I do have rights. You had your right to do with me as you willed to do about me and now I got the right to say, you need to take it all back. And check again.

Check on yourself? As to why you thought this child was to much to handle and why? Did you feel like you needed to handle me? Like this? I’d like to hear it from your lips now. I’ve done heard everyone else ideas as to why. Why? Did you think this was a good idea and why do you not act like it’s a great idea now? Seems like you’d be excited when I come see you? But you call my sister and have her come over and act? Crazy on me trying to get to the bottom of this Abyss?

Where is your truth? And excuse me. I’ve been telling folks the truth my whole life about you. So I’m not versed in the lies. I cleared that up a long time ago. But with you we keep going round and round? Well? Leave me alone does not work when one is tied to her roots always. The human race is a race when everyone wins when everyone wins. And we ain’t got that right yet.

People race against each other. Instead of running with each other. For each other. Beside one another. I can’t do your walking. But I can walk beside someone or before someone to make the path easier to see. Just because my Mama was physically gone, by body through dna was still connected to her. So. What and why are we doing this to certain people and not to all people? Anyone know? I leave that like that so you can ponder it.

Nothing happens without gods permission. So why did God grant my Mama permission to leave me? Makes one wonder? It must have been a very important family emergency? She uninvited me to the family daily reunion. Why? My dad was crazy? Or was my Mama crazy? Was she love struck? Had he maybe called her out on her shit and the thought of a little shit that came from her calling her out again just make her cringe? If you haven’t noticed. My Mama don’t like folks telling her how it really is or what to do?

Oh. But got my rights. Right here to speak. And her free will tickets been spent on trying to get rid of me? Forever I guess was how long she expected me to stay away? so she ain’t got no will to stop me now. Or any one of us as I see it? Our parents both shot their Wands all over getting their way and we the children now got to clean this up and do better. Our wounds demand it. I guess beasty boys are right? You do got to fight for the right to party? Even at your own Mamas house for a reunion of all reunions?

With all I’ve gone through in my life I haven’t shared here? I think I could have handled being raised by my own Mama? I think I would have survived. And she would have survived too. And now? We’ve got another woman’s work all over the mirror of ya staring back at us asking what? What is she asking us to see? What did Mama Jean see in us? Hmm? Well alright Linda? I’ll take the baby you don’t want? I won’t meet you if that makes you feel better? And I’ll raise her as my own. But she won’t like it. And then I won’t like it either.

And you’ll get all upset cus she came back and spoiled the poison soup I’ve been talking about all day since you left to your daughter and her children? I’ll keep them alive so you can say how messed up they all are and not realize you’re talking about yourself? I’ll love her even thought I’m second best. Cuz she like second best too. She wants us both. I’d like her to have that. Do you? Want that? Finally? Am I enough? Did I do enough for her and you? I believe she did more then enough. And deserves recognition for that effort. E is for effort I am sure auntie O said.

Mama jean and I don’t live in de nille River. We live in the truth soup. We are the medicine cooked up by you. And you are the main ingredient missy. Missing. In actions not taken yet. But soon finished when you do for consumptions. By the world watching us show how united we all are.

This adoption theory is proved by our collective soup. We say when it’s done. I say when I am done. I got the right to say so now that I am grown and a fine cook of my own. So let me put some of my magic spices in this and let’s see how it tastes. Let me go to working on this pickle that’s not quite cooked in enough salt of truth.

Cuz this artist is smearing all the lines. And softening the edges of a very harsh visual representation of us. You do wanna let me work this magic. So magic can work. Science is magic. It’s the answers the bikers talking about in a very strange language from long ago before sciences was a thing. It’s a thing that now explains god work is true.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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