I’ve got. Lots. Of friends Mama. My world. Is the world you are blocking. I’m everywhere.
I’ve got friends in Africa Mama. Florida. Ohio. Ohio’s is nice. The lady’s there were so darn good to me when I was Prego with Angela Marie. The La Leche league of woman helped me when I was breast feeding her. The woman at the Assembly of God church gave me a shower. So nice of them right? I still have some things from that party.
I’ve got friends in Jamaica. Shake is his name. He was our driver when we went there and he protected me. Gave me a voodoo necklace to ward if the demons. 🤣 and got me into the adult only club so I could see the fire limbo front row. At ten years old Mama?
I grew up around doctors and lawyers and ate cake at the masonic hall in a long dress. Green with poka dots. Pattern leather shoes. Gloves and my own purse. I was a star Mama. Your star shining all over folks. And folks saw you there. Some? Where blinded. And some got scared and those folks needed to be scared cuz they were not nice to you.
I have friends in Redmond, Oregon. I’ve got friends in England and Ireland. No telling what friends I will meet today. Facebook, Twitter, IG, tiktok, YouTube, etc etc etc as a king once said. I’m social. I follow hip hop. Rap. Classical. Country. Heavy metal. Rock. Etc etc etc. I read all day. Research all day. About food. Nutrition. Exercise. News. Comedy. Sciences. Astrology. Astronomy. Any science. All science. Quantum anything. Meditation. Reiki. I am reiki One certified. Crystals. Mushrooms. Recipes. God. Scripture.
I am a big search engine. Traveling all around to see and experiences as much as I can mama. And there is a lot of pain here. I agree. And it’s not all ours that you and I are caught up in feeling these days. Folks need relief. From what we call pain.
What is pain? Really?
Pain from laceration? Pain. Comes with change and it doesn’t need to seen as back. Pain equals increase or decrease of something. And we feel. And feelings are connected to pain. Meaning to me? That pain is telling us something. But what? Relax. Center. Stay steady. What are you thinking about right now? For me? Mama. And a pain. Do I let go? No. Why? Because I know what pains me is to see my Mama is in pain and she can’t even scream. And she angry about it
How do I know? Her soul told me through her eyes. Her eyes told me. Such pain. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. Calling her over and over and over and needs to stop calling her back to nowhere we want to be. Pain is a cord tied to an emotion that I am cutting away as I type these words. It’s affect is in all directions of time. I don’t need you to believe me. I believe the power of the words.
We ain’t in Kansas any more Linda? And Jean. It’s 2020. And our story is worth money the bank ain’t even made enough. Why? Cuz we did it. And I lived to tell the story of what woman had to do in the 60’s to help a child have a life worth living however crazy folks say it is or we are. They were not where we where are are at all. Including the girls. There stories matter too. To find out about me all of us where grown? Wow! I can see that’s a mind hammer. My brain got the hammer when yours did. So we got hit early. But. No matter the length of the hang time it still packs a wallop.
And. I know how strong and prayed up you are dear woman. So this hit had to be explained to everyone. So people can see and read and feel our coming back together. So the pain. Will ease us all.
And I refuse to parade around acting like I’ve not been torn apart when I was. So long ago. And still smiled and waved at everyone. Everyone Mama. Everyone. Only to find my children? Ungrateful for me? And you for that matter? I did come from you first. I like to be able to say that out loud now that I am old enough to truly be allowed the right to speak freely without worry of loss of my life. I could have been an abortion. Reminding me life is precious. Your a Mama could kill you will you still grow. So. Make it count. Whatever it is.
People don’t wanna hear about how hard you had it? Cuz they don’t wanna hear nothing but themselves all day. But I. Listened. And play the quiet game. Cuz I was told to. Told too. Taught too. Why? I had no idea? But I did learn a lot. Which? Answered the question why? Watch. Listen. And learn. Until the ahh hah moment hits you square in the head. When all roads meet and you get it.
And my life is a series of ahhh hah moments. And I get it soon. But not everyone else does. So I share those ahhh hah moments with people and it seems to help them. See life differently. An orphan has a unique gifting. People. Listen to someone who’s well versed in the art as well.
Tickling ears is a thing. Yanking them is too. Yelling in them when needed is a thing we do when we need too. Hearing aids help when someone needs to get someone’s attention. Comfortably numb. What does that mean to you? Death. That’s what that is. Running from life cus you made up what you thought was a bad batch of cookies. When clearly. The world loves me too. Friends everywhere. Enemies are people that just haven’t reach the ahhh hah moment yet. They will catch up Mama. They will. No worries. No regrets. I don’t need a trillion likes. If you like me th a ya all that really matters.
Now? Is that to much to ask your own Mother? If mama Jean likes me? What’s your deal? What are you waiting for? The other shoe needs to drop and it’s on your foot while you put one in front of the other to come see me. Goodness. Mama. Wake up. How long must I keep knocking? There is no dooms day?
Said it all here. And your speechless? To me alone. Mums the word I’ll say! Stumped. Stopped in her tracks about me. Wow. My truth must have nailed those shoes to the floor when they dropped running away from little ole me? Scared the shit right out of you for six years? Must have been a lot of shit that needed scared out of ya I’ll say that! I’ve not gone this hard on anything in my life but you dear woman.
Blind side. One of my favorite movies to watch. Who’s blind side did that woman have if not that Boys Mama. Who got your blindside Mama? If not Mama Jean. And I just read you your own riot act. Yeah. This auditions brought to you by God and Mama Jean and me. What an imagination you’ve got Linda marie? did I hit all the hot spots good enough? Are we cleaned up and ready to move on and say goodbye to her yet? Or must we linger here all tragic? Amputated and all. Gimping? Limping? But with a courageous smile!! And With wild eyes that no one sees screaming, “let me out! How did I get stuck in here so long?!””please!” “Can anybody hear me?”
Well I saw ya. But I heard you first. Like a rebel yeller to my soul. Go. Get your Mama and heal this woman. Now. Like I thought it was gonna be easy? My life wasn’t easy. Which taught me life ain’t easy when it counts twice on your records. How you live it counts most. For me Mamas count twice as valuable. Burned into my brain by two woman’s actions. You want out of that mindset so bad you are making me feel it. Yes. You are by not feeling it yourself. If I really thought you were in danger? I’d be there. But I’m not. Gods got you and dealing with whatever this is for us both. For us both. Not against us. For us.
And god is a master at it all. Cleaning. Plowing. Polishing. Planting. Loving. Correcting. And so on and so forth. And I know when gods doing something and when gods fine. Gods doing something here with us. Cuz gods all
Over me right now. Giving me words to type. For us both. I don’t get out of anything? Unless we all get out of anything. This is anything. And we getting out. Bugging out of this scenario. And I’m feeding you the new life lines as I write. It’s all here. The net is being cast around you and me and anyone reading this. The magic of words that bind and unbind and bind again like a twist tie. Binds. And then unbinds, And them binds again.
And Mama. I ain’t going no where and that’s a darn good thing. Folks like me cuz I’m honest. It’s safe to be honest. I’ve been being honest my whole life while living a lie. I came from a small family and was added to another family which added up to more family and then there’s all the adoptees that are now family in this love holocaust where the people live without each other forever in torture for love sake. Now that’s a gas chamber idea!! Pun intended.
Now are we done yet is what I keep asking? Can I come home? Watch ps I love you. I think you and daddy must have been like that with our dynamics? When they argue and he goes to leave and slams the door of the apartment for a moment of silence. Then perks his head in and says. Can I come back now love? And they run to each other and embrace and kiss? Yeah that one scheme feels like ya except clean platonic kiss and hug. But it feels like my Dads a part of this dynamic and it freaks you out or something and it shouldn’t. I mean I get it. It’s like seeing a ghost in me? Mannerisms and voice inflection. looks.
I mean I saw your reactions to me??and they don’t teach about that back in the 60’s? I’ve Ben trying time break it down to you slowly. While be angry that you don’t know this is a thing everyone experiences but ours got cut off so your kind of in shock about it all? Hence. Deer in the headlight. Blinded by the blindside.
People warned me before I made contact. They said she might be a drug addict or worse. My first response was so what? Then no. And then I prayed about it. I asked myself what is this? I asked god. God said no. I said well it’s ok if it’s yes. She my Mama. I don’t care. She need some and she don’t even know she needs me. But we will convince her if she doubts on inch. And you did doubt a few inch sister? But I caught you every time. With my prayers.
Your days of doubting are over Marie. And on my mark to these words, you will receive your blessing. as God ordered so. This ones on god Mama. And your gonna relish in the increase this investment brings.