But where she really sent me was to college at two days old. That’s what it feels like in the classroom of hard knocking where no one answers the door. Everyone is to busy knowing it all! To even pay attention to what I was paying attention too.
And when you are thrown into life by your naked heel, it’s on you to adapt. Any old way you can honey there is no dress rehearsals. Hard knocks schools are not allowed to have manuals. Nor do they listen to or encourage suggestions boxes! Like some survivor show gone wild! Balls to the walls. Where ever the walls are? Anyone see the walls? How did you do it becomes an epical.
It’s way to complicated to explain. Most people don’t even understand the basic mechanics of relations let alone getting to know how other relate as well as maintain your own nature as best you can.
I’ve been running with the big dogs all day since Mama left trying to figure this out. Trying to find any sign of life? Sanity. And what folks tried to tell me was going on was ridiculous. Clearly this whole story has been blown way out of proportion. how I maintained sanity was to keep telling myself the truth. Two woman came together to help me. And we can’t call it a mistake because there is no real manual stating what it should look like and how to get there. Here. Whatever this point is trying to make. Called adoption. We define what it is. What is really anyone given? When a child is born? Stuff and a good luck. You’ll need it kind of greeting card hallmark moment that’s nothing at all but hype.
Children are work. I took two Mamas to finish. And countless side Mamas helping me understand them? it was work growing up in such a fashion as to be hidden and yet fully visible. Strange indeed contorting oneself to comply with such vague non instructions. No regulations. No standards except the two woman that begin the journey together and forget that one fact the whole time. While you watch them wander when they could have just been friends and worked together together not together separately. So insane an idea. Tears is children apart and then we get blamed. Blame is not it at all. It’s accepting the affects of the adoption lifestyle paradigm in the children as well as the others involved. Especially the Mothers who have had to stretch their wills and energy for success of this mission on earth. Evidently we wanted to see what this affect has on folks and I’m here to show ya. Step right up here and see the show.
Evidently I am the demon my Mama popped out of her belly. Dear Mary. Thrown out into the yard of life like a lizard. Gizzard. She just was processed by the devil and the devil made me? Is that it? Is that what I missed? I mean. Guys. We made up the devil. It’s called human nature. People become unaware they are also animals. I don’t know why I did it? The devil made me do it? And so on. Blaming. In fact the body for the issue. Do we not know ourselves. Do we not relate deeply with ourselves? If not. Fix that right now.
Cuz if your fight with the devil honey. Your fighting with yourself. Maybe. Go eat something. Then the body will calm down and know you love it. It’s easy. Take the damn bath and spend the money on making bath bombs. Invest in your animal body. It is your spirits temple. Why is this so hard for folks to see? It’s so basic to me.
Do you see the words said to me? As a child living in a grown up world? Yeah. Wow. That’s raw. Damn right it’s raw like a belt strap to the ass.
I’ve told my body I love her. And thank her for housing me. Helping me live this human life and that’s not crazy. That’s smart. Thank God I do with the things folks say. Armor of God. Love. All over. Head to toe. Self love opens a flood gate for others through you. It has a far reaching affect Linda Marie! You threw me well dear woman. And love protected me. And protects me now.
See. I come out of know where with a crazy story and then take you somewhere else and tie it together. Word associations. That’s why my writing is all over the place. There are many pints being made in all these statements I state. With all the pitfalls of the design clearly states over and over differently.
I think I deserve a damn medal and all adoptees should get medals too, for putting up with everything folks think they know and they don’t. Cuz they don’t really want to know. they just think they know it all about us. Ya don’t. I’m telling ya what you missed about me and my friends are doing the same right now everywhere. Like a slow drip turning into a river of voices calling out so you all can hear what Gods been hearing all along. Our cries.
And if you feel you need something? Let’s begin to ask for it. And let’s allow the universe to give us different. Knowing we need it. Evidently. I needed this. And my Mamas needed this too. And our whole family needed this and we have had an affect on everything. Like a pebble. Ever so slight. But still moving.
And I’ve ever so slightly come out of Mamas left field of vision and stand now in her center view. Right where I’ve always been. Now she sees it. She’s to focused not to track me. Her daughter off to college. 🤣 what did she learn? Hello. She learned a lot Mama. A lot you did not want to see. Evidently. But I graduated with high marks on my ass. They could take me except by speaking to my mind about it. I made folks explain why to me. Constantly. I would not grow up ignorant as to the why people tell you they do what they do. Either it be a doctor or a Plummer or a Mother. The answers are quite different if you pay attention to the actions and not the words. Talk is cheap.
Fiddle de de. Farting around when you should be rolling up into my town. My Mothers. So DeMaria am entrance they must obtain. Cathrine Hepburn. And Doris Day. Sophia Loren. And Ava Gardner. Garner. Whatever. Two swanky felines. Classy. Yet brazen. Perfectly matched. Yet so completely different. I should know. All about them. The secret child. Growing up under their wraps. This one is special. 😳 I hear it all the time. 🤣
Nursery school. Think again. They harder on ya here in Adoptionland. You grow up feeling like a street thug. Saying. Who you looking at? My Mama that’s who you looking at. You better be respectful or I’m gonna tell her when I see her again. I don’t play. I’m sticking to the Mother code. They working it out right now. No worries. We got it. I know. Seems crazy me living like this. I know man. But I’m more then just a person here. Two Mamas be working this all out for me. So I’m good. Just be respectful. They both count at the end of my day. No matter how crazy it get here. I stay loyal. I tell the truth.
They are gonna really struggle believing this. I know. But that’s in them. I’m telling it like it was. And it was crazy like it comes out. That’s how I took it at the time. And it’s all jumbled up. Yes. An insane person would not be pointing that out. All the time. If they did not realize how it looks. Looks the same to me. I’m showing you.
I’d be minding my own business. And folks be saying stuff. I’m not gonna lie about my life. Deal with it. Sounds crazy? Yes. You are right. It’s crazy. Do I live with it? Yes. I do. This is what my Mamas wanted for me. This is what this got us all. This is what it all equals. This is me. Being me. If that ok? Yeah. I think it’s ok.
Keeping up with me is like trying to harness a tornado. That’s just how it is. Only thing that might change it is my Mamas changing how they are acting and maybe? Trying something different like I’ve been trying for years and really did not want to try. Being forced to stay with one and not seeing the other for years on end. Yes. Missed marks all over this paper. Check check check. Thank you next.
Some cards I am making. In between typing this.
I think they might sell? Handmade cards. Art cards.