Is she my Mama?
Well technically no.
But she’s the Mom I now know to be Mama.
Is my own Mama my mama?
But she the Mama I now don’t even recognize.
Cuz she lies. And I just can’t lie anymore to save her skin and ruin mine now mixed with the woman who raised me.
What does a person do?
She sets folks straight after a long time of observations. People seem to be confused by all the players and no players in this game of life called mine.
This woman? I call Mom showed up to finish what my own Mama seemed to not be able to bring herself to do.
She had no manual.
She did not get a tour of the manufacturing of me facility.
And yet. She took what my own Mama made and did the beat she could with what she was given.
Only to find. That when I went to go see her she. Was u gray devil with what she did with what she got without any Instructions.
Does that sound grateful to you the reader of this testimony of my life experiences?
I say no. To me it looks like a whole lot of ungrateful tied up in a bible verse or two trying to look like Christmas but is more like trick or treat.
This woman I call Mom did not deserve to have her efforts treated so ungratefully by a person who at the time was the charity case in this case. Not me. I was the gift sent away unopened and unaccepted and unappreciated by her own Mama. Let get that straight for once.
And my own Mamas a big girl with big girl britches she can now put on after she gets up off her ass and show some damn respect to the woman who showed up and did finish the job.
This woman I call mama has done a good job. And you my own Mama, or anyone else, don’t get to even tell me i suck as a Mama considering you are the Mama that chose to not show up to work the day I was born. Okay? Okay. Let’s just get this straight right here right now.
She’s been faithful. When you were not. She’s helped me when I needed help which you tried to but still did not. why? That’s for you to answer. Not me. I’ve got a few ideas though. Faithless is one.
And I’ve taken this all in. Watching my whole family’s actions and non actions about it. So I’ve taken the time to help you. You all seem to need a hand up again.
Where’s my daughter? Is she acting grateful to the woman who raised me? And helped to raise her? Emdring I guess? Away her pain. About what? Her lousy thoughts she can’t seem to delete about me and Nana? Oh please.
No. I won’t stop until what I kept is returned. In better repair then when she left us. And all that takes is to do what? Show up. So easy? But so hard for folks that can’t be honest. Blaming it on me? Well blame away. Here. Let me help you honey. I blame some people too. Better? No?
Well come home. So I can tend the wounds of the mother who stared all of this. And it wasn’t me honey. I kept you. Because I was so happy you surprised me and came to be mine. That’s the truth in a nutshell called my life.
At the end of each day. I love you. And want you safe and sound minded. If you ain’t coming home that ain’t sounding well minded at all. Life’s crazy. We make choices. True. But. If nana has not taught you the meaning of love by now standing by loving you while you are acting like the woman I came from so long ago I do not know what you need at all to make you see love and not hate.
Yes. I can blog to everyone in one post. It’s my blog not yours. It’s sad you can’t address as many people as you want on yours. But here. It’s about Inclusiveness. And setting folks straight. Much like standing in a room and turn around in circles and just talking to everyone all at once.
That’s what it feel like to be adopted. So many misunderstanding what’s going on in your ring. Think they know and they don’t even know what’s what with me. I thought my own children would get it. Nope. It’s a very complicated lifestyle for those who have been kept. And obviously I wanted mine to have better but? but they got me.
And it’s sad for them if they don’t even see the me inside here working like a mad man to reroute and route again so they will see clearly the course of how to navigate the life of a woman who Mama did not want her and see me wanting them. That’s a miracle right there that this woman I call Mama did in me.