This tweet is so true and most people that are not on the receiving end of the quote unquote of the adopted life style seem to struggle to comprehend.
Most of us are like, life was not better. It’s was different. And lonely mixed with grief that’s takes the breath away. We struggle obsessed with a constant why? Inside the brain at the life everyone says is so great. And fail to realize it was more of a loss then a gain and being faced with the truth that we will never win it back really.
For me. I’ll go down trying all day and night right here where anyone can see if they take the time to read? More than 60’s at a time? Without a video? A personal log of this woman doing all she could do. Fighting with sisters? ✔️ Driving to fight with my mom and make her see. ✔️ writing my dramatic reason as to why I wish to receive full honors and a return of a soldier to my own home✔️✔️. Video. Silliness. Craziness. Some happiness. ✔️✔️✔️ Angry. Sad. Poetic. Whatever. This is my tribute show here.
I can do what I wish here. Ain’t no one saying I can’t. For 6 years now. The Psyche Cafe Show has been going as strong as I could present at the time. It’s been rough. Y’all wanna know what it’s like not having your Mama in your life growing? And what’s it’s done to me still does to me? Well. There ya go! Good luck figuring that shit out!
Why you think I am throwing it up here? I don’t want that shiitake mushroom no more? blah. And it seems like my Mama likes me like this? Maybe it makes her feel good? Sadistic. And well? Evidently? She’s likes it like this? To stubborn to order something else? What kind of fan is she? Dark. Very dark. She likes it dark. Nice. I do like people that can walk in the dark side and use their light. Yeah.
There’s always a twist in life’s story people. And maybe my Mama wanted to make sure that at least one of her girls learned her lessons and had the guts to speak publicly about it to her like a queen. Not behind her back treating her like a god damned idiot. Yeah. Maybe? Like. Come correct. Or don’t come at me at all. And three times I came correct to her door and slayed her mind with my sword. To release her mind from the chains that kept her blind. She blinded herself due to the pain she’s felt for leaving this special piece of her. Maybe?
Like? I had to hit all the bullet points of her minds presentation. To pick the lock with a sword. Wicked. Ness. Had grown in her mind. She needed me to cut it out without her telling me where except in the mind. That’s. Is a wicked connection. And it had also attached to her throat. Strangling her inner voice. Except to a daughter who read her face like a book. Same face she gave me when I was born. Like. Bingo. Facial recognition. Any child can do that who’s looking at her Mamas face she memorized after birth when the nurse took me back to take her face in after screaming bloody murder so they would do just that. Demanding an audience!!!
And that scream and cry has haunted her. For my whole life. Her whole life after me. She’s not been able to find the words to tell me. Is that a big enough affect for all of you? Grief stricken silence at her knowing her truth and my truth are this much the same. Like bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Nailed it to the cross. The Ego. Her armor of protections. And me the key.
See people? The Ego is a part of our protection system. Mama is probably not realized this yet. Or maybe? everyone is always talking about the Ego and the flesh like there’s something wrong with the flesh? Like? We live in flesh? Body? Hello? And it’s a darn fact that, we get so attached to our body’s we forget? We are Spirits inside body’s. And when born? Many forget this. And loose their way with Ego, flesh doing all the driving around making mistakes. Jesus take the wheel ring any bells here? Yeah.
It’s more like this. If you don’t build and trust with your flesh, body? You are crazy. If you dismiss your bodies abilities? To protect? Hate your Ego? Hate your body. And that. Right there is the issue with most people. They hate their body? Their temples. No animal. No temple will bow to us. Especially if we are not good to said temple. Hello? Can? I even get an amen?
Ok. Let me say this. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Hate yourself? You can’t even love the neighbors. Amen. Preach preacher. Get ready for a revolution. R-evolution. Hello? Jelloo. So. If you can’t love your whole self even the trash you take out at night? How you loving yourself? Can I get a witness up in here! Am I getting through? Hello! I will be surprised if anyone likes this post. Cuz I am way ahead of so many.
I drink my collagen peptide like Hod showed me on the internet to do to feed my brain. And I took my diatomaceous earth like my sister showed me. I learned to make Kraut. And kombucha. I charge my water with activated charcoal people. And clay. Bentonite kind. I take my vitamins. And I remineralize my teeth and body to stay grounded. I drink vinegar because I know I am 90% bacteria. And eat ferments, yogurt and good fats. And I run circles around so many who’s Egos are running their show and not the spirit within.
Now you can see why I fly low and then high. Turn left and then right? Maybe? Maybe? You might see I’m clocking everything and everyone. Including my kids. Like a click click clock ding dong the witch is dead. She was all in your head not mine. But? I played y’all like fiddles didn’t I? Had you really thinking? Working that grey matter. Firing the mind up. So people can see the Ego!! Is protecting the body. Stop hurting your temples!! It’s madness. Taking smack all day. I hear it daily. I’m sorry what kind of trash talk is that? I ask you. Yes. You reading. At least your read! Good on your. Your trying to learn. Thank god! There is hope!
Treat your body like a well loved dog or cat or plant or maybe? A pair of shoes you just love. Or the car or truck you paid so much for? and insurance for? Go. Get a god damned massage! What you waiting for? I know I am waiting to do it with my children! When they sort their Egos out and learn you get what you give baby. If you can’t give back to the woman that allowed her body to be used by your asses to get here? Well give up. Go home. Cuz you missed the PowerPoint presentation of our lives in service to your asses. Including myself.
I. Refuse to give up on my Mamas. You may only have one. But I’ve got two so I must work twice as hard to earn my respect, by being brave enough to be a grown up and tell the whole truth so help you god. In front of God and everyone. Cuz God knows already. Little spoiler alert. Remember? Gods within. Saw it all anyways. And like your a Mama don’t know it all already anyways?!!! Can I get an amen up in here? Seriously. Ungrateful children don’t give credit where the god dam cried goes.
And Mamas. Pay dearly. Invest all into us. Whether they are with us or not. I saw the lines on my well moisturized Mamas faces. I must be so far ahead I look like I am going backwards to even speak these days. I watch them try to even shift a damn gear when I begin to speak. I blow the circuits. Just the other day I asked waitress if I could substitute a salad or a one trip salad bar with my meal? She spun out on me. Couldn’t figure out what to do or how to make it happen? I told her I would pay more. And we frequent the place often? But she was new and had not been trained to think on her feet? Nor did she know enough about how to make it happen? It’s was like she thought I was trying to steal? I used to work at that place. Like avoidance behavior all over the place. I finally said. Just give me a salad bar. Lord have mercy.
That’s what my kids struggle with too. Like I am not being mean. It’s mean to leave someone like that? Ill prepared for her job? I am going to write the casino that I was trained at and tell them they need to get with it. Usually they say oh. Ok it’s gonna be like 200 more dollars or so for the steak dinner or something? And I’m like. Ok. Sounds good. But she got the drink wrong and totally had her mind in some weed patch freaking out. Where was the manager? Hell I don’t know? I don’t even think she tried to ask them?
And I am tired of toning it down so people can suck at their jobs and feel comfortable. I’m not paying for lazy, uneducated service y’all? That’s lame as hell. Only reason anyone does that is because they suck at their jobs too. That’s a fact now.
Back to Mama and Ego. She should not hate her Ego. But without my side of this story mixed with what I can put together with her actions and no actions mixed in, she could not see how much her flesh had done to protect her spirit while going through all we went through. This is just a receipt guys. My Mama is still as a mouse taking her Meds getting better. She’s begged God for mercy. And Mercy is what’s here. After the oil and the wine has been applied along with the truth like salt in a wound. Need to cure the wound so the oil and wine can heal and make a scar. Where pain obviously was.
And little ole me. Talking her through the surgery and showing her how to speak up after being quiet so long. Boldly going where no Linda has gone before like Captain Kirk if the SS enterprise. Bride of Christ I am. Owning my own scars healed by Gods love through a Samaritan on my Mamas road to Damascus. No woman should be left in any ditch for creating such a child as me. I talk good to myself!!!! You could try it. Works wonders. Wonders.
People think they telling on me when they project the vomit they say to themselves on me all day? Ha ha! Your telling on yourself now! Hilly. That’s chapter whatever. The help. Helped those woman believe for better cus they couldn’t see it. Took a white woman to show them their own privilege and how to use it!! talking smack behind woman’s asses calling them racist oh damn right I am going there. Don’t slave talk to me!! Invisible slave. Right here. And I am white!! Adoption tried to own me. But this blog bought me my freedom of speech!! A woman no doubt!!
Freely speaking all kind of stuff people can’t even comprehend. To dumb. To numb. To hum drum to see their own worth is decided by them. Take it. You ain’t stealing nothing. Your the key to unlock yourself. Honey. Go on. Use it. Y’all good to yourself. Now. Not later. Begin. Talk to yourself like you talk at the grocery store. And if that don’t work? Well honey work! Read. A god damned book honey for god sakes. About affirmations. What so ever is good. Think on them things honey. Go on do it. Making us all look stupid out here. Your Mama did not product junk!! Get out of the god damn gutter of your mind!! Clean that act up honey. 6 years honey. I’ve been flying low for you. Not me. I told ya what folks said. And you called it crazy. No duh honey. We all been told some crazy but don’t keep it in. Let it Out. Don’t hold onto to that?
Tell the person to their. Face if you can. Write a letter. Take a minute to clean it up even if it takes 6 years after 50 some years of hold other people shit talk in so you could show your own Mama how it done. I am responsible to tell the truth so help me god. How you take it is on you.
I’ve told my Mamas my nasties and everyone else’s nasties. Could they? Even do what I am doing right here? No likes. No comments. No nothing. Just me cleaning up. Cuz Mama? It’s dirty out here. And I’ll be damn you too! Oh hell know. Gods Grace is sufficient. Sufficient!! Jerk you bald headed girl! To get through that strong Ego!! To show you what I believe you are worth. Me. Crucify my own flesh in front of the world to show you unconditional. No bars hold. Back the fuck up. Or back the fuck down. Whatever it takes.
My love is true. Shoots like an arrow to hit the Ego buttons and turn your spirit on baby! God. Does not back down sister. Brother. Whoever’s here reading. God is no respecter of person. So. What you gonna do now? If your still reading? What? Talk smack? Or change. Talk better and better to yourself and everyone else? wow?
What a concept indeed? Blow the minds and is blowing the minds. Lighting the brain up like Christmas having sex with the forth of July!! That’s. Is why I stayed dirty. Flying low. Playing in gutters. Casting my net low and then flying high with it. To catch as many as I could. Cuz I played the game better than you honey. Just like Queen Victoria. Yep. Push me around like a pawn? I let you. Just to see who you are. Cuz I know me. Yeah. I know who I am. I give what I want to get. Rule of life baby. Rule of life.
Don’t wanna get killed? Don’t kill. This is a nonviolent operation here. I lost a man who hated himself. For what he did to me for one. Blew his head clean off he hated himself so much. And that’s sad. Cuz I loved him so much. And my love was not enough for that man I called uncle. So selfish that Ego took him out. Like fine. You don’t like me? Well then go. Spirit. Go home. Yeah never say it like that? Well at 9 years old I saw it like that. And knew he was batter off with a mind like that working against his Ego. I lost him. And loved him. See?
People get so attached to the bad you got to go balls to the walls to show them your story and how you have gone on. That’s you may be different. Crazy. But that you do care enough to fly low and get dirty in a gutter to show them love and that God. Is real.
Thank you for reading all the way through. Please. Give this a a star if I touch you and made a lick of sense here. And follow me. I’ll follow you back. Xoxo
Love yourself. If we all do this. Things change. It’s all changes. Those things that are done in darkness or shall we say it ignorance shall be brought to the light. Not to shame us. The shame is in hiding the truth. But to teach us honesty does pay off when we tell the truth so help us god we change. It’s growing up. Telling the truths is growing up and being a man or a woman. And grace is the cherry on top.
Because all have missed the mark and fallin short of the glory of truths freedom. Our body’s are not us. We are the sports that ride within them. Get it right guys I’m so tired of living in this insane world while people call me crazy? 😳🙌😵‼️‼️‼️‼️🤟🔥
Especially the church. Thank you. All y’all churches. We are the church. This planet is our temple. Look how we treat this place? Ugh. And y’all want me to clean it up? There is no I in team peeps. It’s take everyone and not everyone’s practicing gratitude these days. What a mess. Jane Fonda’s all upset. Does anyone care? I do. Greta Thunberg is upset. does anyone care? I do. We got hot grandma upset? And the children upset? Where are you? Can you even keep your trash on lock. These days? It’s all over the highway? Why should only those who break the law clean it up, and it everyone cleaning as they go? Straw are the least of our worries people!
We need to train ourselves to be better stewards folks. And not act like ungrateful children of a planet that give us so much. Raping each other for money? Raping the earth of her resources? Even crystal mining! All those light and love people seeking Mother Earth. For a dollar. Seriously. Using Mother Earth to get ahead👆you are behind. So behind. When I watch and see the holes people make and all of the crystals still left behind? The holes looking like wounds we inflict. Take what we want and leave the mess? Go sell them an go get more? Cuz if size of shapes? Ugh.
I mean people. So busy. No time to just go and enjoy the crystal and take pictures? This one does this and that I went there to see what it was all about? Seriously. Voodoo hoodoo. And the church is not much better. Beating folks over the head with bible verses? Oh yeah. That’s so gods nature? 🙀🤷♀️Nature. Is gods nature. And the earth is the temple we are desecrating now peoples! This lady Jesus here is turning the tables over and sees a lot of gum. Sad children. Sad.
People spending so much money on a church building while gods people walk the streets half naked! Veterans! To busy to help or even take a person that fought for the freedom to leave them on the streets and not give a shit!! I saw it with my own eyes! 👁👁👁. All three! yeah. I use my frontal lobe folks!! Forward thinking. Solution thinking ahead? Anyone looking ahead? Where are we? Where are we going? Or are we just gonna fight each other all day? And miss the promised land that we must take care of and are not taking care of? Hello! Jello!!
My Mamas seen it too. What to do. Yeah Mama. This child will listen the witch was wrong in the woods I’d say. ? 👁🙌🤣💃💃💃
I did not get to hang on my Mamas skirt tail peoples! Nor Mama Jeans. Nor did I wish too. I in my mind grew up the day I was separated form the mothership. And chose to reconnect and never separated from Mama or God, source, the mother father planet earth ship cell. Duh? And people be looking at me cuz I am crazy? How can I know what they thinking? Well? I pay my attentions. And then tell my perceptions. Since a wee child I’ve been doing that. I am well practiced. But I only show it when God calls on me to do so. Now is that time.
My spidy sense have been attracted since before birth. And my Mama knew it and knows it. Just not how powerful it is in both of us. She’s a knowin now. And that it is the truth cuz I ain’t back down. Waiting on her verify. And she a Virgo ocd person who’s got to be real sure. So I had to ouch every button a few times just to show her enough to verify I am who I am lives inside me. Yeah. I’m connected to all and all is connected to me. So it is. Blessed be. Amen.
I am not messing around anymore with anyone that’s not serious about this place being beautiful and doing what it takes to keep it that way.
Get right with yourself. And then your right with god within and without. And then the world changes for the better man. Everyone. Stop looking at the speck in your Mother’s eyes do you hear me? Read me? Feel me? Go higher get into Gods helicopter. And put it all together man. Don’t fly so low and be so selfish. I help others. Cuz others need help. And I’d want help. So I do then like I do me? Capesh? Add it up man. Y’all suck at Math.
We are nothing without earth. And some other solar system ain’t gonna happen. What a waste of resources!! Fuck!! Building walls while people tunnel under? Seriously insanity man. Trillions! For what? While people go hungry? While we ditch for the right to kill? Come on man. So dumb. A gun over life? Wow! Wow! Play with your dick and get happen man and no need for violence man. Rosies always around. Let shame down man. Take care of yourselves man. The church is way off base. Jesus is proof God is for conception and sex. Hello? Man.
And we killed him. For nothing. But insanity and the inability to face the truth. Blind. Money. Adultery. Geez. Animals. Don’t keep covenant. That’s a spirit thing man. But if you can’t strike the Ego like a loved pet? That pet will bite. Own your nature or it owns you man. Madame.
I’d love to see the church preach that. but there so much shame in the church it’s sick. The bed is undefiled and the church is arguing about the text still to this day trying to hold folks back? What the hell indeed. You are damn right I am throwing rocks!! At the church! The Corner stone Jesus conceived by God the father! At Goliath in your brains!! Y’all be tripping on some acid man. Not the psychedelic kind either! Battery acid or something. That’s is so dumb bro’s. Oh. I listened while y’all strutted your stuff in front of me! While doing you nasty nasty behind the church office doors. Like I don’t even wanna hear it. While god was using me to get you to show me your hand. Don’t talk to me about cards being bad. You all ain’t got no poker faces.
Bleeding people for money so you can play games. Only one church I call home. In Hendersonville, TN. Celebration of life church. I’ve done the research while searching for a pastor who when I read him was clean enough to even take in. In the Bible Belt? Oh Lordy Lordy. I felt God there and all the angels dancing. While that man used the sword of truth and taught me how to fight right. Pastor Joseph. Amazing man. Loves his wife. Clean. His eyes said it all. They do not wander. At all. Solid man. Solid. I could smell no fear off that man. None. None. A++++++++++++++ to infinity. And bye liked my singing. An added bonus I was not looking for. My friend Jimmy Carr pushed me to sing for New Years. They said no. And I was gonna walk away. I told the lord. Thy will be done. And they called me back and said they changed their minds. I went up and just surrendered to god and the Holy Spirit. Mother. And father. And they sang through me and blew those peeps away the anointing came down.
I felt it myself and saw it on their faces. Bingo bango. A live channel. Wide open. Serving luscious love to everyone there. Like a Faucet on a river opening wide up and spraying everyone’s hearts clean. Fresh. Refreshing spring from within. My Mama ain’t seen that from me. No. She’s not gotten a goosebump blanket laid on her in a while if ever. And she’s hungry for it. I saw that watching her serve to others wanted what she gives. Yeah. I did. I watched and listened. I was trained to play the quiet game people. You learn a lot from that game. It’s not fun cus you must. Gain control of the ego to ever win that game.
Now. Listen to this song again. Think of yourself and think about god. Talk to yourself through the words and to god within. And get right with that temple.