How? I ask… do you trust

How?

I ask

Do you trust

Anyone?

That could pay for my birth

And take me away from you?

Tell me?

And yet?

I tried. For you

Since you my own Mama sent me away?

I naively trusted

And learned. A lot.

Men? Get it more than woman.

You sold me out to a thing called love.

You knew it in your heart of hearts

Yet your brain lies to your body

Holding it hostage

Like? I see the pain and longing In That face.

You’re my Mama

You can’t lie to me.

That brain was lied to and tried to lie to me

But oh. That heart. And those eyes tell another story to me.

Yep.

And look at this mess?

You. A Christian trying to serve god?

And my family all talking behind your back and each other’s for that matter.

Lost. At seas in a sea of lies like webs holding everyone hostage.

what could one do? Tell the damn truth.

Wipe the slates. And do again.

Better. Informed. Wiser. Contrite. Humble. Grounded in the truths spoken and let go. Cast into the sea? Of forgetfulness. Just like gods words says.

Yes. I’m crazy. Crazy genius lie detector.

That’s why Chelsie doesn’t want to see me?

She’s lied. To you. Her own gramma hiding her truths. Calling them mine.

I’ve never hated you. I’ve hated this. What lies have done to my own family. Children. Who don’t have a clue of a mothers worth. Chomping at the bit of her death to take what’s hers? Greedy.

You know if you think about it? Phil trusted me enough to tell me why you have a private executor of the wills? Greedy children. He was keen Mama and a man of his words thought they were few. He spoke truth and wisdom to me. And I listened. And heard him loud and clearly.

What a loss you have felt at the loss of such a man as he. Yes. And I feel it Mama. Deeply. Cuz you and me? We know grief well don’t we? Yes. We do.

But they? Don’t have a clue.

Why? Would I trust a woman who could not even see that all my sickness was because of the loss of you? She’s had to work for any trust I’ve given her. But she misses the boat taking me away from you.

I’ve lived 57 years now. Much without you. But still in the night times, quest times I dream of a time I had inside of you. With my brother so long ago. I forgave you? You didn’t see either. But you felt it quit regular that pain. Of loss. Hiding behind the mask of the clowns we’ve become due to adoption taking a gift given from god to you.

Can you see yourself in me now? Still in love with the you I remember. Pounding on the door of that heart of yours screaming let me out? I just want the chance to show you. All the love inside me?

Beyond the wall of lies.

You ask the family? And see what I’m saying is true. There faces will tell you the truth you have been seeking is true. They don’t understand us. But there may still be hope.

That the truth once set free will bring new truths to our family. One day soon.

I trust my guts. Guts that have had a knife taken to them because no one could see it was anxiety for the loss of you that made me so sick to my stomach? Tonsils inflamed.

All I wanted was you dear woman. You. Back with you. Always and forever. Refusing the lies. Long long for those arms wrapped around me.

Home. With you.

Stop feeling like shit woman. That’s not helping a thing. Get in that car and come get me. That’s all you got to do.

So simple. Yet so complicated by lies told to a 25 year old woman who needed support. Support that came right out of her vagina and grew up and came home. God is faithful. Trust that.

I’m a wicked woman genius working to show you what you did walking away from me. Showing you your worth. Worth. And value to me?can you see me now? Is the fog lifted. Are your eyes opened, is your heart encouraged?

God sent a baby girl who survived. A brother who died. Who still lives in me. We both love you Mama. I knew you could see. Lied to. Confused. Wounded. Bruised.

Forgiven. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to forgive when you haven’t forgive yourself? It’s a mirror. I’m a mirror to you. Showing you all the lies out upon you.

Shake I’m off

What you thought?

I could never loose.

I’m the winner you set away to get taught who came home to teach you about what real love is. It’s can’t be bought.

There I am. Loving you. Xoxo. Dry those tears now. Collect yourself. We got years ahead of us to laugh it all off and teach other woman how to heal. Xoxo.

Oh. How I love thee

Let me

Count the ways.

1234. And way many more. Open that door. Let me in. I’m a real friend who’s slapped you awake. From a dream to see the reality of we. You and me. Bonded at the hip. A straight shooter who’s great at twisted up shit.

💋

Mama jean does not hate you. She loved me. So she loved you. She learned her lessons about what she’s done. Xox

We

Can try

Again. 💋

Faithful to cleanse. Key. Words.

ANY TRUST SHE AND MAMA JEAN AND I HAVE IS EARNED. WE BOTH EARNED TRUST…

BUT IT TOOK WORK..

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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