If I’m such a liar? Then how have I gotten such a rise out of my own Mother?
She, in front of my son verified I hit all her buttons?
Liars? Blow away. They don’t stand strong.
Do I looking like I am blowing. Away?
So? Tell me? How have gotten so under my own Mamas skin if I’m not under her skin already?
Ask yourself? If you can?
Any honest person sees exactly what I am pointing at.
I cried last night.
And I hate crying. But it’s a bodily function that cleanses their body of toxins. It was intense.
As I grieved the loss of my brother. The person I lost that no one even realized was with me.
Loosing him was so painful. And intensified the loss of my Mama. And family.
Being born naked and alone. After loosing him while we still were growing. What a blow.
I held this truth in until the time was safe for me to speak of the brother I lost. So I could bring honor to John, my twin brothers name.
And of course? My family will be shocked.
People don’t believe that a person can hold a truth like that inside for so long. That’s where everyone’s being proved wrong. It was not safe for me to speak of John after being adopted by people who had no idea about me before I was born.
You get me angry enough? Well? I use that anger to go higher. And prove myself.
I did not come, survive, to fail my brothers memory. I could give a shit if people struggle to believe me. Not even my children have been told. They can just read it here cus I’m done. Like catch up you children with me now.
My brothers presence. Always in my behavior.
Dorky. Tomboyish. Mechanically inclined. On and on. Much like a father inside a mothers body. Living with survivors guilt? I took on many of his traits from the womb. Not wishing to face the world completely without him.
May sound crazy? I call it adapted to new circumstances. I was given no manual. Excuse me for being unconventional. That’s the love I had for my brother carried forward within me.
My own Mother’s reaction to me after I cut my hair is very telling about this that I share here. She looked like a ghost had come to her door?
I had to hide my brother in me. But? He was seen anyway. I was called weird. How does an abandoned child even explain? And gain respect when no one can verify?
But science is catching up. So saying and identifying that I am a twin survivor is allowed now. The only reason my Mother would block is due to guilt and pride. She did not anticipate that I would confront her about John. She’s gotten quite rigid in her viewpoints. And thinks she’s bullet proof in the area of truth. It what about a sword of truth?
Evidently she brought a gun to a sword fight? A water gun.
Ask yourself? Is this that way off? And ask yourself? Why would I speak up now? If not for a sister being honor to her brother? Yeah. I would be brave and stand up anyway. I’d rather risk folks calling me crazy then deny my brother his honor due. Why? Or how? Could I let him down now? It’s time for his coming out from inside of me.
Yep. He’s there. But you don’t notice him
Until I cut my hair.
It’s him that gave me the strength to survive.