A new book. Learning.

I’m listening to High Achiever by Tiffany Jenkins, narrated by Tiffany Jenkins on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=0593154592&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006

I found this woman popping up here and there on Facebook. And she kind of spoke to a place in me. So I had to get her book.

Guess I better learn. Tray and wrap my mind around why. My child used. Try to figure out how to prepare myself just in case she, dares to return. Not sure she ever will. But unlike my own Mama. I won’t be found unready.

Finding my own Mama like I did was so hurtful and alone. Knowing she could give a crap about me is the most hurtful truth I’ve ever felt in my life. No one can prepare you fo the shattering of a dream you’ve dreamed of your whole life. And the waves of pain just over take me when I wish they could go away.

It’s just so crazy. That a womN who drinks is my only Allie. That she doesn’t give up on me has truly shown me something so extra ordinary. My own Mom can’t even face me. And a stranger faces me daily. And I learn. And grow.

And all this has shown me for real. Not a dream. Who is who for me. Me. The child given away. And that my own Mama is just a dream. And my body held me for so long that I had to rage to get out to see the woman who showed up. How precious her love is. And how much is grown. Beyond where I came from. And that alcohol didn’t mean a thing when someone keeps loving you anyway.

I had to go there to see. I had to face and burst my bubble. So I could see who my Mama had become at this point. The woman I came from is not here. And I needed to let go of my addiction, a dream I held like a blanket to survive. That woman I came from was mean and unfeeling. And I’d been much like her my whole life. And I had to get free.

This woman here make the most sense to me and is helping me get clean. From the dream of a woman I’d main lined for years. My escape was no chemical. It’s was the mind that woman’s body made for me.

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