I’ve worked all across America from Cali, to Ohio, to Tennessee. One things for sure. Bosses make mistakes. Bosses are human. And mothers are bosses is growing adults we call children. At some point the child transitions into an adult.
Part of becoming an adult is facing your Mother/Boss and setting her straight where she missed a mark. And I’ve learn while bring the correcting coordinence to my own Mama that mamas? Seem to struggle with this transition. Seems they think they know everything. And? They actually know what they know. And it’s up to us to be good adults and set them on a straighter path with our wisdom learned while they lead us.
Times change. People change. Ideas change. And so? A mothers mind must be updated with our vital wisdom earned from our experiences. So? Our Mamas can learn from us too. We are adults now? And so we’ve earned the right to speak freely. And it is a wise thing for any Boss to listen to those who have been under any bosses direction. It just makes good business sense.
I’ve placed a link to show 50 companies that failed to adapt below.
To name a few.
Add my Mama to that list for now. But? Not for long. Cuz she’s getting the updates from me now. And I do have faith she will adapt. Because I’m an adult who’s earned the right to speak freely. Twice.
And? Maybe my other sisters have stayed in line? But I’ve ranted the right to step out of this line and set her straight on a few things about me.
It’s a good person who
Tells a woman when she’s got mascara on her face.
Takes the toilet paper out of her dress after she’s gotten it caught in her pants?
Informs someone that racial Slurs are no longer ok
Fixes that back of her hair when she’s missed a spot
Tells someone they have egg on their face
Or that drool is forming down their neck?
Tells someone that their meals was awful or needed some salt?
And helps them clean it away.
I’m that kind of person and adult.
It’s not mean to correct people.
It’s mean to leave them uninformed and ignorant while folks laugh?
My Mama truly felt that adoption was great?
She honestly believed that I would like it and be ok.
And to some extend? I am ok.
But I’m different that’s for sure.
I’ve got anxiety. And depression as friends now due to adoption. And I get triggered when folks are not informed about the issues we adoptees deal with. Especially my Mama.
And I got triggered real bad about 6 years ago and took to the air to inform her because she just couldn’t seem to see what was up with me?
And now. She’s got a choice to make. Ignore? The updates? Or face the updates and update herself and become a wiser more informed mother of an adoptee who found her way home.
Seems simple? But no it’s not.
See. People get so bent on being right. That they fail to see that we all are a team and we need to work together and stay updated and communicate those updates as best we can. I did my updates while very triggered and upset. But there’s no real good or bad way to update. It’s just got to be done. And so I did while triggered yo show Mama the affects. So she could see me, and what adoptions done to me and her.
It’s called a disconnect.
Some birth mothers become disconnected from their feelings for their children in or to survive their loss. They are encouraged to do so. To consider reconnecting may terrify them and be very scary proposition. To allow themselves to love their child and reunite is now a risk that not all birth mothers think they are strong enough to handle.
With my changes. Because every mother is strong enough. All she has to do is take the steps and it’s like riding a bike. It all comes back. And my arms are open wide to catch my Mama if she thinks she’s faltering. I won’t let her fall. Again. Cuz I’ve learned how to help her and the way is inside us if we just try.
Facing the state of affairs of my own Mamas trauma was horrific. But I did it. I got trigger as hell. But I faced it head on and did not, nor will I back down. I came home. And that. Was no walk in a park. It was work laced with prayer. It took telling my children my truest feelings and not editing them out. And my Mama saw how prepared I was on our first meeting when my children ran to the door saying her name and embraced her, their grandma.
And that’s when we both began unraveling. Trying to hold it together while falling apart is not easy. No. I wrote poetry. Gave flowers. Called and ran my phone will up. All signs of her worth to me. All gestures of my still Alice affections for the woman I came from inside of me still shining brightly so she, could see her way clear. And clear she will be because this daughters no quitter.
It’s scary at first when you cough and speak up. The words, trapped for years, come out all jumbled and sound crazy to a woman who’s not seen the light of your day. But we must do the work need so reconnections can be had bits a must. It’s gods plan. For me at least and hopefully many others.
Because healing is no joke to God. Healing is Gods way. And our way was quite overgrown with tales told while we were apart. Many that I had to set straight with my own truths earn while she was away.
And that’s love guys. Love doesn’t just leave someone this important dumb or this Uninformed.
Jesus cried. Jesus wept with those who weeped.
What good is Jesus and the Bible if we can’t get down in a ditch and pull a man out and tend to his wounds? Isn’t that what the Good Samaritan did? Are we not charged to do the same? Well? Mama was in a ditch of lack of knowledges ghat I as a Christian could not let her stay in. She’s prayed to hard for me to leave her on the side of the road of life like that.
Am I not worthy of that? And if I am worthy of that then so is she? Love. Tells the truth so people can understand. And love listens to understand and that what I’ve called my own Mama to do. And I’m willing to listen to her words as they come out all jacked up from being packed away so long. I won’t turn away. I’ll face her. And help her sort it all out so healing can have her way and wisdom can come were ignorance lives. She not stupid. She’s just uninformed.
It’s like firing up and old Chevy that sat for years. You got to get that baby on the road and blow the carbon out. That’s us. Me and Mama blowing our carbon out. Together.
And this blog is my testimony of a woman that loves her Mama enough to stand up and be an adult and show her the wounds are real. And that truth can heal us when we just do our work together. No longer apart.
It’s my greatest gift.
The highest gift I could give her.
The highest gift you can give your own Mama is to do the work needed so reconnections can happen.
Just do the work. It’s hard and we get triggered. But doesn’t everyone that’s lost something precious?