When your Mamas right she’s right. It’s time.
It’s time to be grateful. Oh? You didn’t think I had anything to be grateful? Well I do.
So get ready for post about that.
It takes a little more work please two mothers then just one. So thanks for the patience.
6 years of active grieving? Not bad.
But I bleed grief all over my children while so unaware that I needed to pay respects to a loss?
57 years old? Wow. Guess I am a late bloomer for sure? Late bloomer, tale end baby boomer. Key word: Boom.
And my truth is needed to balance the scale of justice for others who are going through it eight now in adoption, as adoptee emerge from the fog.
We need real facts that have been lived, written down how they were felt to show how discombobulating it is to young children?
Have you ever gotten so angry? That you could not even finish a sentence? Just half sentences spoken loudly, mixed with curse words and screaming? Yeah. That’s how it felt at two days old.
Seems people don’t take that seriously? And I’m a big sister now in adoption and I take my station seriously for their sake. And my Mamas needed to see my coming up. Stepping up to make it better for those still in cribs reeling in confusion.
We must do better by the children. 57 years is a long time to work up the courage to come clean to the world, let alone your own Mama. I don’t want children to carry grief around like some dirty blanket? We need to get ahead of this now.
And therapist? Need to know what’s what about us? So many missed it all together? No one saw my adoption at the root of it all? How unsettled I was? How hard it was to commit? To stay? To be calm? People past me off when I didn’t participate in speech classes? No one had a clue? Nor did they even want to go there due to not having a tool to why I was there?
Why would I speak up and participate when I lost my first love I ask you? She mattered and matters to me. My first cheerleader? Taken out of my game? Before I even got started?
Just a real whopper of a buzz kill I’ll tell ya!
Just took the wind right out of my sails for sure.
This blog? Is gonna change. I’ll leave the mess so people can read and recognize their own pain through my words. But now. We move on to brighter days.
I won’t promise that I won’t be hard. Because I am the preacher here. So I must follow my heart? But. I think? It’s gonna get way better from here out. Now that my Mamas are desensitized to my truth. Well worn? Down and smoothed out about it all with me.
Like. Oh? Is that why you acted like that? That must have hurt real bad? I could see that dear?
Something like that. Who knew? I could take so much pain? High pain thresholder here!! ✋✋
I’m proud to say I’ve never had a tantrum like that before? And even I had no idea how much little me had stuffed inside?
Little secret. I had to really give myself a pass of forgiveness to even divulge all that I have. Like my Mama? I’m kind of private. Only my kids knew even a portion of what I’ve shared.
And for that? I apologize. I had to learn the hard way because there was no other way. Fact.
And I’ve come to use my pain to change it for children all around the planet. It’s time for the children to be seen and heard!