Second hand trauma

And. My children have experienced second hand trauma from my original trauma. I was so traumatized. And I got no help. I’ve had to read my way to here. The affects are there.

And that? Just make me so angry. But first it hurts like hell. No one helped me. And I inflicted that trauma onto my own children in ignorance!!

Damn it! Makes me so upset. So sick to my stomach. Which is one of my issues from adoption.

And clearly. So does my own Mama. Because if she was well? We would be past this by now. And each day I get up and try to help her see that adoption did not help us. It’s just made it worse.

I was triggered so much raising my children. Watching them get what I always wanted and I did it to myself? It’s so sick. Like a knee jerk reaction. And no one to even guide you?

I replay need a doctor who gets the big picture. I’m tired of dumb asses that don’t have a clue trying to help me? I need a real expert.

My Mama wants me to say sorry?

I’ve always been sorry. Felt sorry? I felt sorry. I’m done being sorry.

Adoption needs to apologize to us.

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