Me. If she realizes this? Bravo Mama. If not? Well, I’m still here.
Why do I say this? Well? Because. It’s true.
It’s probably an angle she’s not considered.
Evidently? Maybe she’s scared to align herself with her secret weapon? Maybe she struggles to understand? How a stranger raised me to stand up for myself and them both by telling the shocking truth, and still be loyal to two woman.
Linda + Jean = Me.
When you take what Linda Made and give it to Jean you get me. A woman who had to go through life silent about her origins, who has been standing up for underdogs and undercats for years.
Orphans aren’t pathetic. Orphans are a unique set of people who have felt such losses, and yet keep going. Like Wayne Dyer. Our parents gone but still alive and working through our veins to help humanity.
I’ve been working my craft for years. People should not try to take me on because Gods with me and they will loose. It’s not me. It’s the hole in my heart where I placed God. It’s the hole in my soul that is my connection to humanity.
The pain of loosing it all seems to span any pain and give me a loop hole of understanding pain. And God is the one who’s shown me how to overcome it time and time again. And I teach others by example.
My sisters could learn many lessons from this sister who’s lived on the fray for Mamas sake. Ask my children, the ones who can tell the truth, ask any of my friends, even now my Mamas can attest to tell the stories of me standing up for them when No one would.
I’ll take the heat. Why? Because I’ve taken the heat for years. Being adopted doesn’t mean that no one sees, it just means they ignore what they see. Not me. I saw. Mama Jean working her ass of trying to get through to me.
Which showed me she was a damned friend to my Mama. My Mama who’s blood is linked to me. The highest form of friendship is to raise a woman’s child as her own knowing she’s not. Facing the world and standing up for me as best she could. The best she could. The best at the time.
And I’ve learn better. What a great pay back to them both if I can get this turn around to work.
For my Mamas sake I took the blows. The waves of grief. The criticism for being strange. And even the love called separation for them and God above all. Jesus was rejected by his own people. Who am I? His sister. His disciple.
God the father and mothers child sent to stop everyone cold to take a look at Adoption as a whole. I do see what adoption trying to do, and yet is falling short to do. I do now.
Close the wounds.
Two woman lost. Two woman have gained.
But until the losses are accepted. No gain will be seen. And from memory, from my gut, I’m not turning back. Let’s get that straight. I can feel it all. Deciphering it is the job. I’m doing now as I drag them both into this turn around to see into our future. Together.
Mama jean lost two children of who I am not.
Mama lost me of who I am no longer.
Social suicide of the me they both thought I was has given me a new lease. And it’s giving them a new lease too. When I finish turning them around. Grief has a hang time. Grief is contagious. Grief must be faced and respected. If you ever want grief to stop giving you grief you’ve got to face her and learn her lesson of value.
In that. I am a secret weapon. You will respect my Mamas when I am done. Why? Because I respect them and what they were trying to do. Adoption. Tried. But adoptions just an idea.
It’s me the child thrown into adoption that’s gonna bring them both respect.
We are linked forever. We three woman. And I’m dragging these woman to a better way. They might kick, and scream, and pull away. But the ropes still there. And this goat is pulling them together as God wills.
I look like a lone wolf right now. But I’m not alone. Theirs a pack of us adoptees standing up now and making ourselves and our stories visible to the world that could not see about WE in a way where the woman who care for us can win.
Im so tired of win/loose mentality. I’m going for the win win.
Two woman didn’t have a clue and joined forces. One would be viable and one would be invisible until I choose to make them both visible. And so I have.
To treat me like shit is to treat me and my two Mamas like shit. And I don’t take kindly to that kind of dumb ass bullshit.
Throw me under a bus? And I’ll climb up and throw the driver out of his seat, and drive the damn thing myself!
And my kids need to learn this lesson toot sweet. Selfishness. When two woman gave of themselves for me? Ha ha ha. Living adopted is to live a selfless life for two others sake.
I will too their horns. I will clear away all that folks said that keeps those two woman apart now. And united we stand. They just can’t see it yet I guess? Two woman tied to the hip of this woman now. Walking us all into a promised land they never even dreamed of.
But I did. The secret weapon with many names.