It Took me a good minute.

It took me a good minute. But, I’m the daughter of Mama Jean. There will always be a piece of me that’s Linda’s daughter. And. I allowed her 6 years to let it all out. You got to remember, Mama Jean is a clean as you go girl and there are some jobs Mamas just can’t do for ya. This was one of those jobs. I will tell you this, she trained me well. And I am spreading my wings and flying like she taught me.

That’s the thing about a woman who was cut off from her own heritage as the great great granddaughter of an Osage princess, she held herself in a way I had to study due to being the daughter of two knuckle head that didn’t have a clue. She. Taught me how to stand tall even in front of the haters and love myself anyway.

I’ll be fine without my own Mama. And I see now she did the right thing by me. Sure. I’ve shown everyone the traumas. But we all have trauma now don’t we? Mama Jean has hers too. But we stuck together. We worked together. We love each other and folks can’t even understand it. But, we do. Not even my children understand the actions of the two of us as we act like Indians in front of a world that can’t see us.

She passes the test my own Mama could not. She stayed when it was rough. She has no need to hold onto me, because I was better than my own Mama and stayed.

Looks pretty confusing to most. But that’s most people problems, not ours. And after living with a woman who put her life on the line for me for 57 years, I owed it to her, yes her, to put my Own Mama in her place.

My own Mama didn’t even tell her thank you.

And that’s just not ok.

This Mama called Jean is my name sake. So don’t get me cofused just cus Jean is my middle name. Jeans in the middle of me. And as we see, Linda cant even touch, me now.

And like little Chelsie poem, she stood by. She kept watering the seeds of her intentions that countered the seeds of doubts Linda planted in me. Huey got a pass for just being a man in love with a lunatic that could do his child like she did.

In Mama Jeans world where I live? I’m a queen to her now that she can see herself in me now. The one twist was what I learned from Elmer was to fight as fair as I could to stand up for who I am when the world seemed to only see an orphan? Abandoned and given away. Worthless.

She’s watches me struggle. She’s taught me how to face the demons. She’s not judged me for all I’ve done. She’s listened and allowed me to right my own wrongs because she knows who she is. That’s why Mama can’t seem to figure it out? All My own Mama sees is a mess. But that her shit not mine.

I’ve always been valid to her. And accolades are worthless to this Linda when all I wish for her is to see all she taught me before she takes her last breath.

Loyalty is not just staying quiet and mottling through in our home. Loyalty is truth. And she’s know all I’ve said. She knows I’ve stood up for her and reprimanded my own Mama for her honor. Honor is something my own Mama nows nothing about.

And I guess Mama was right to be scared shitless when I came to see her all stripped down, because my own Mama was facing Jean inside of me.

Merry Christmas’s Mama. Jean. I owed you my full heart and need to kick Linda to the curb where she once sent me to show how much I respect and honor a woman who could even love a child that came from such circumstances as me.

This one thing I know. She did not leave me there. She took me home to be hers for good.

And I won’t take that back. Heritage to me is Jean Ann Fowler. My angel undercover. My sovereign. Queen Mother.

God saved me from a horrible fate the day I left a woman who couldn’t see the queen I could be.

Mama Jean saw it. For that. I am eternally grateful.

First Mamas matter. But second Mamas matter more. At least to me. And I had to get this right and not left like my own Mama. She needed to see the bed she made for herself. And now she can just sleep in it for all I care.

I still love her. But not like she thought because she gave me to a woman that taught me better.

Mama Jean the great great granddaughter of a Osage princess, now the Mama of this queen from a nation of trillions of people called adopted. I stand tall and own my heritage. All of it.

I would never have been loved like this by my own Mama. That’s why God corrected my position to place me in a better position. I owe Mama Jean the honor of telling our story and turning the world on their ears.

Judge not the words I’ve written, or you’ll be judging yourself.

Cuz this is a trash blog. You can dig around. But it’s for people to learn from.

And Mama can tell my kids whatever she wants. But she’s gonna face me for this bullshit she planted in my own daughter because Mama Jean raised me. In the end. The proof is in our puddings of action.

And I guess now she’s told on herself once again. First time shame on you. Second time shame on me. Third time. I’ll make sure everyone knows how you are.

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

Submit a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.