How to fix a machine that’s not working is an inside job.

Adoption is a machine that my Mama lead my God to place me into. To drive it off a cliff. And then recycle the metal and make something that actually works and has good long lasting affects on the planet instead of leaving folks all chopped up like this.

I’ve just been growing up and bidding my time. Because this story is compelling in a repelling settle. People just marvel when I tell them my story. People learn a standard of being like they’ve never seen as I tell my war stories trying to get back to base. Base is Mama. Which is home. The variable that I have worked to solve for my whole life while people try to keep telling me my math is wrong?

No. Your math is wrong sweetie. Mines on point and I am showing my work. Teachers love when you show them how you solved for x. And gods no different. Albert Einstein showed his work and blew our minds. Would if his Mama had aborted or abandoned him? Where would math be today? Today Albert would probably not make it with the mindsets we practice around here.

A Mother always wants her child, why did mine not? What happens to my own Mama and this is tragic that the world could not even see she needed me. That’s why god sent her to me. And adoption just made me have to work harder to get back to her so I can be who she needs me to be for her tooooooooooo.

And people need to change around here about children. Fix the Mama and fix the family unit. The mother is the roots of her children even if they are abandoned or cut off. Sick roots. Sick kids. Sick unit. Sick Mama. Sick kids. Sick sick sick.

My Mama did the unspeakable because I was forced to live it in silence and watch it all go down. Strangled. Denied. All for pride.

Mamas ego must die to Gods spirit, who was who she sent away the day she did this. If she can’t hear me she can’t truly hear anything but herself arguing with her god through me. Which is how it’s been for years. Excuses. Stories. This that until she clogged her own mind with useless nonsense that at the end of day did prove to all be a lie. Who lied? Mama lied and called it the truth.

Don’t tell me I don’t know. That’s all I’ve known.

Growing up with the shame that my own Mama could do such a thing to me. The world reflected that to me with pity. I don’t need pity. I needed help getting back to the place and woman god sent me too.

Yes. I am going around and around the point of my entry into the world. Like a bird squawking about a snake. My mom was down. And she got bit by the snake that took me!!!!! She was poisoned and I am the antidote. All the fairytales we tell ourselves and our children and my family can’t even believe the story is true.

The poisoned apple.

Snow White asleep.

Loves pure kiss.

Who was the witch in my story? Why do we need one. Maybe Mama needed the cool down time to the tune of 57 years to figure out what the hell happened back in 63 and me.

At some point we all reflect back.

So I took the time to clear my Mamas mind so she could see my properly through her new lens cuz Mamas was going blind from squinting to see me coming back home despite her.

Win win Mama.

You can’t always get what ya want.

But you find sometimes.

You get what ya need.

Guess we needed this lesson. My family and me. And I’m a born teacher and a preacher. So I’m sharing this testimony with the world.

Cuz who I am? What I stand for is beyond my Mamas wildest dreams.

And no. It was not easy. And my standards are set high. Higher them most folks can see. A dream. Something you came to be. To cause an affect so radical that it stops folks cold in there tracks, dresses them down, and suits them back up, sends them off more prepared for the days ahead. That’s why god was us to look ahead and not behind. Yes. We have rear view mirror for a reason. And some things we bury are bound to rise again. Like seeds and plants. The seed must die for the plant to live.

The only way to free my families mindset is to get to the root of the cause of it all between us. Adoption rhetoric basically causes, due to misinformation the family, the unit to live in a conflicted state the moment a child is removed from the unit. If the child is removed and and if the mother makes no restitution, if she does not lead the family to restitution, like,? They never grieve the loss of me. They found out about their loss when I was 30. That packs a wallop.

You lost a sister and didn’t even know and yet somehow ya did. Cuz bingo. I hit everyone’s panic buttons. Best we get this over so chaos can leave. Panic never helped a thing. Panic issues when there is no plan. I’m the plan woman. But no plans any good unless we all plan a better plan.

My moms been at war with herself since she let me go. Why did she burn my papers? She tried to bury me and I am alive and well. She knows what I am saying is true. That didn’t change a thing. It’s just covered it. And Phil helped her cover it and for that he apologizes. He did not realize what his actions surrounding me did to you. He’s apologizing through me Mama.

He’s helping right the wrongs. All my ancestors are. Yelling at me. Type. Type. Your gonna get through. You were born this way baby. You’re your Mamas super star.

Better than the post man through his sleet and rain. I tested to be a postmistress and got high scores. But that work is so monotonous. Guess I went postal anyway. 🤣

Just want my Mama back that’s all people. No harm no foul. The harm has already been done people. I’m the clean up crew helping Mama after the party. She likes things nearer than this.

Adoption. You suck. And y’all don’t know a thing!!! Go back to the damn drawing board man. Ugh. Where are my people? Are we awake yet? Someone chime in please.

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