I’ve heard a lot of complaining about Moms and Dads my whole life.
As frustrated as I was growing up I held most of it in. And at sometime? You must unload.
And by no means do I expect my Mama to pick any of my garbage up. But? She may see similar garbage that we both have that maybe she might be ready to unload as well.
It’s like getting to the end of a land mine and it’s clear where they all were. It’s like learning to walk it out and trust that all bombs have been defused. And that the road ahead is clear of triggers for the triggers have all been recognized and transcended.
If my Mama feels like such a great Mama why did she tell me I was bad? And why does she get to point judgement on me when she tapped out all together and left it to another? Unless? She’s willing to listen to mine?
Can she realize this is just about facing our complaints and making them public so public opinion can change with the new information.
Adoption got a fail because adoption did not cover it all like god does. Why doesn’t the church support pregnant woman? Is not every child as worth as Mary’s Jesus?
I don’t even see where people really believe in Jesus and understand the meaning of the story truly is about truth. He should have been able to speak the truth. He saw it. He saw everyone just doing what they do. He read the scriptures and called them all out on their actions and killing him was the only way they thought the truth would go away? Seriously psychotic if you ask me.
Years I waited to speak my peace about this lifestyle and the quality of the participants who take this path. And still. People are so blind. Even my own Mama? That’s sad folks. So sad on all of us. And I won’t go down just standing by watching the river run.
And adoptees truths that we all be sharing is the damn that will reroute our consciousness about how to handle conception, and birth to beyond. How it affects children placed into this alternative lifestyle. And how can parents be more truthful and willing to learn from the children who know what we need.
My complaint were never gonna get a warm reception. But I still need to speak my peace whether my Mama agree with my delivery or not. I don’t really have her? She’s in my heart and I love her. But she’s off track and going down a path without me still.
And that’s just not a healthy reunion. There are many things that needed to be sent to bed and be discussed so we can come to a better knowing of each other. But it’s been really one sided.
They say that silence will make those who speak stop. Nope. Mamas behavior or lack there of and the life she gave me are the amo. Mama face me to bullets to shoot off my mouth by sending me into this experience. There is no better trainer than experience. Day in day out loving with all the confusions. Misinformation.
Adoptions like a cult and forms a bubble around us that people can stab at us through because the adoption force field is a lie at the core. It can’t change the fact that we were rejected by providing another Mom. And we adoptees must face this fact. I want to change it and help my Mama see where adoption took us and then lead her back out of that because it doesn’t have to stay like this.
I’ve navigated the terrain. I know if Mama will open up that I will change this for our better. But that’s another thing. Trust. Broken trust. If Mama really trust God. Well? I would be here blogging now would i about adoption.
And that poison got into Mamas mind back in the 60’s when the church was trying to fix what the church started which was leading folks to believe that a pieces of paper means anything to God except that we killed a tree to bind people up in red tape.
I’ve had to fight with Mamas ego that’s been trying to protect her. But oh Egos. So frail. Who weak. Yet the spirit within is strong. The Who has its ideas. But the word shows me different and my life experience showed me different. So that Egos got to go. Adoptions ideas are trying to drive my Mamas ego and I’m not having it. For God is on the throne. Not ego UC ideas steeped in lies.
God said I am a gift. End of story Mama. You better back peddle fast and get back on course. And I’ve shown her what to let go of that’s weighing us down.
I could have just stayed quiet and left Mama dumb to her own misinformed life path and let her fall of the cliff into oblivion. Without her Crown of victory. I mean she’s the dumby. Not me. She’s the one believe that shit and denying the truth of her own daughters experiences. Let her fall I’ve been told over and over again.
She deserves it. Is that so? Is it?
Well. I don’t believe like that. But I won’t lie? I’ve been advised to dump her. Yes. I have been told this time and time again. And it seems? Mama agrees. So. I must accept that she may not forgive herself and be able to move forward to build again. She may not be able too.
I see that. But still am going to express myself with force. With the same force she abandoned me I came back with the raw truth and was treated like a lier. Mama knew her side. Not mine. And now. She can’t say that. And if I’m off about her side that’s on her because she cleaned up when we clearly are safe to speak, not me.
Parents are only as sharp as their children keep them and my Mamas getting a real sharping session with me about adoption. I won’t leave her dull and her life dim about this. If she runs and hides in more darkness that’s not on me.
I’ve confessed and it’s her turn now or she won’t have this placed under the blood completely. It’s will always haunt her. I don’t want to be haunted anymore by my Mamas inability to see any other side then hers. That’s on her not me. I’m open to receive her info and she can’t seem to speak.