I swam back up steam.
It’s just so darn perplexing that my own Mama isn’t singing my praises for finding my way?
It’s so darn upsetting when all you’ve ever wanted was to meet her and give her the love inside you that’s hers alone.
It’s like being a forever package that’s trying to be delivered and the recipient keeps neglecting the notices for fear it’s a bomb?
Guess I am a bomb.
There are so many analogies. To describe how it feels.
Guess I haven’t changed a bit and neither has Mama?
If I’m a bomb so is she. My question is what did she and I come to blow up if not Adoption?
Adoptions like communism in plain view. There are walls of understanding that are between us and the natural world.
We are ruled by a regime.
There are rules of engagement.
And I am in the no fly zone.
Daring to be seen flying in enemy territory.
The unspoken zone.
Where we adoptees have been trained not to go.
Lack of knowledge keeps us going round and round doing the same old same old different name.
When has abandoning your post ever been cool?
Yet adoptions lead so many to abandoned theirs to another when there have always been other ways?
And now I’m pointing at society.
While standing by my own Mama from a far.
Pointing now at you.
Asking you while you abandoned us!
Why did you abandon yourselves?
I swam back to the pond I came from to find it stagnant. Literally and figuratively.
I came with fresh water and was treated like some vagrant? Peddler? Swindler. Thief.
Yes. You caught me!
Stealing your stagnant breath away!
Stealing your nightmares! Calling them out.
You know what they are.
I’ve touched on a few.
But those dark places need light.
Mine is my love for God and my Mama.
I’m not ashamed of loving either and professing it boldly.
I detest misunderstandings.
I swam back to clear it all up and out!
Go big or go home?
Go big and go home.
Now at least somethings make a little more sense to Mama?
She wasn’t crazy. Her body never let go cuz it couldn’t. The body has a brain too.
Mind body spirit.
Cellular memories are real. Like
Mama experienced phantom pains from me.
And mental disturbances.
She’s old enough to confess it now. And has me to back her without being sent away for being insane. The connection is real. She’s not crazy. Nor am I.
Mama had to live with it. And did not realize that her way out was me?
She and I linked also in our guts. The bodies brain is the stomach.
I’ve had stomach issues for years. Digestion issues for years.
The truths I have spoken have shocked Mama back to center. Her body complies. Her mind disassociated it with me.
Lies. White lies. Need darkness to reveal the lack of color. For black is all colors.
Mama. Had no idea what an idea she gave birth too when I was born.
But God wanted me to tell her. I already know.