I held it together.

As long as my body could hold the contorted position my Mama sent me into as I could.

I just. Unraveled and Mama spilled out of me.

  • People think that being adopted just like being born into a family. And it’s not. It’s a forced relationship with a stranger that your mom sends you too.

  • Adoption forced the child relinquished today twist and twist and twist like a top all day. And at some point? I just spun out of controlling anymore.

  • Ive controlled my emotions and self so long? I just? Wore my twist button off. And let go and just spun out of adoptions control.
  • Adoption is a mean task master who brain washed my Mamas into thinking I’d be ok being cut into pieces and spread around like butter.
  • I’ve always had a mind of my own. I just hid that mind from Adoption until I couldn’t anymore. So. Poor you having to deal with me as I’m triggered while my own Mama zombies in her corner of the world with no way of seeing me as hers still?
  • If dealing with second best could train me? Then rewrites are now my format. Adoption does not get to tell me who to love and who to forget. No.
  • I’m just glad I made it this far? Many don’t make it at all. And it is for them I speak up now. Their voices snuffed out. Why? Lack of Mama. That’s what. Mamas are like water with Miri all grow in it. To cut them off is detrimental to the children given away.
  • We. Are born connected to our Mamas. That doesn’t change due to name changes and locations. It’s doesn’t change cuz you tell us too. It’s designed that way.
  • I’ve had to bond with strange people and did not stop loving my own Mama. It was my love for her that kept me alive to grow up and one day speak up about it.
  • It’s time for all adoptees to share their secret love for their own Mamas. Grief is just the symptom. It’s leads us to recognize the important a of our Mamas in our life. It points towards a mistake in Adoptions manufactured design telling Mamas we will be ok and better.

    My Mama does not believe I am better. Or she would be cheering me on. She’s so stopped in her steps that she can’t even cope with the better me?

    Way to go adoption. Way to go. Way to tear up something so precious that God picks who we go to? Adoption? Tears ya out of the home God made us from.

    Many adoptees can’t even go back? Without god leading me I’d have never found her? But other kids? Have no paper trail. No name. No photos. No lead? That’s so messed up. And yet? We keep doing it over and over again and don’t seem to see what’s being done to us and our family until a girl like me catches back up with her Mama and finds this mess waiting for her at home?

    I’m gonna speak up. Cuz it needs to be done and whether Mama gets it? Maybe some other Mama will?

    I held it together as long as I could. It takes a lot of force to be twisted so long. Her love inside of me? Unraveled me.

    And I believe god wants me to speak up about my experiences so we can change things around in adoptionville. For the future children coming to be born here. I want families to be able to do better.

    We

    Children are not candy to be thrown at strangers who did not make us? How can they appreciate all our gifts let alone see them?

    Right now in cribs all over there are children dealing with a sucker punch after adoptions sting is still stinging them silent. Like a spider bite no one can see inside our minds where our Mamas cells live on and on.

    No. I would not recommend this way. I’ve been here and have traveled this road around and around. Studied it. Nope. We must get ahead of it with education. I stand on me recommendations.

    It’s not the Babies fault the Mama was caught unaware and uneducated. Why must we pay for her lack? Why? Is there not support and education for men And woman before conception?

    Why is sex so low on the education rung? Still?

    Why do churches support separating children from family? Why does churches not see? Still?

    Society wanted me to worship God for separating me from my own Mama? WTH?

    God did not separate me from her. Nope. I’m still connected. And yes. It’s strange. Strange when your own Mama won’t admit it.

    What Mamas do that? Mamas who loves lies living lives without us. That’s who.

    Stubbornness. Lies that hang on after the adoptees have spoken. Shame. Called angelic looming around after the adoptee jack in the box has sprung open and proved them all wrong. Stealing what’s left of a good thing. Eating your Mamas mind up like some Pac-Man game home wrong.

    Silence was appearing golden. Until I just unraveled. Now? Mamas reeling and unraveling. So Adoption? Let me ask you?

    Did it work? Changing me all around and renaming. Me? Hiding my heritage? Birth certificate? Mama. Daddy. Grandparents? Did it work? Work work is all it is for us. Hard work trying to pretend we don’t know what everyone trying to distract us from. My Mama left the building.

    I knew it all along. I held this shot bag together as long as I could and I’ll be damned it you make me feel bad for loving and wanting my Mama all along.

    Adoption is dumb. Very unplanned. Does not think in big pictures at all and never saw me coming. Well? Hope you’re happy with me adoption cuz my Mamas not impressed at all. Thanks. But no thanks.

    I hate cleaning up messes that are not mine!!!!

    Damn you. For twisting me up in some candy wrapper and throwing me to the wind!! But? I’ve got wings now. And I’m gonna twist you up with all the words you used on me.

    Lier. Fraud. Cheater. Abuser. Dumb ass. Stupid. Badly put together. You. Adoption.

    I feel like some child who was placed in a very nice looking concentration camp for children who parents don’t realize is a concentration camp to us?

    So. Take your nice pictures and words that say we are ok and well adjusted and go. Well adjusted my ass. My Mamas not adjusted at all.

    Now what big boy? What ya gonna do?

    psychecafe

    I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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