My radar system is very sensitive. Especially when it comes to Mama. I’ve always felt here. Why do you think I prayed that I could meet the woman I’ve felt my whole life again? But a body to the essence I’ve felt all around me?
Mama will confirm just like she did the last visit. As she told me. I hit all her buttons. Buttons are for pushing when you’re trying to fire the old girl up and get her out of her garage?😩
Our interactions were like,
Mama- not like that! No! Not that one. Don’t push there! No!
Me- yes. That one goes first then this one Mama. I remember how it goes. Shhhh!
Mama-don’t you tell me to shhh!
Me-mama. Hold still!! Victoria!! Back off you’re in the way! Damn it I need more hands!!
Mama- what about my hair?
Me- your hairs great stop obsessing! Everyone’s gonna love the new do! The new you. Quite squirming!
Mama- Are you sure it this way?
Me- yes Mama. Long dark hallway of fears and death. Make up. Hair and mental redo. Bright light at the end of the hallway. Feast. Dwelling in the house of the lord forever. At peace. New you. Born again. Again. Me assisting. Just like God wanted me too.
Mama- I was that bad?
Me- yeah. It was bad. But I don’t give up on my Mama.
Mama- what about the girls?
Me- girls are ok. We all are ok Mama. No more being so hard on yourself. Papa Gerald told me to tell you to stop going over it.
Mama-daddy’s talking to you? No way?
Me-Yes way Mama. It’s a gift God gave me to be able to live this life here. When Gran gran died back in 1964. She came straight to me. She watches over me. She lead me to Marcia. Who gave me a doll she made? And the magazine she was in. All the family photos and histories. Snap. Like that. That’s god and gran gran right there. Then? Marcia slammed their doors? Crazy family of mine.
Mama- we are not crazy. You are crazy.
Me- we both are crazy not to see we care and do something about it. Now hold still. I’m almost done. Your gonna love the new you I’ve prayed in for you Mama. No more denials. Nope.
Mama- would if they don’t like me?
Me- how can they not like you? They like me? They better like you!?! Don’t you worry about that. Like yourself girl. Like the girl I see. Forget the others. Focus on me. I see the beauty beyond those thorns of yours. A rose so sweet. Protected by a wall of thorns. Yep. Just like god showed me it was with you. And me. Couple of thorny ones.
Mama- I am not thorny. Well maybe a little?
Me- a lot lately but that’s ok. I have a high pain threshold. Those thorns are like peach fuzz to me. Tickles. Don’t worry about the blood Mama. It will dry. That thorny crown is not for you. This tiara will do nicely. Chelsie will love it. Purple. She wore tiaras when she was young. So adorable. She loves you Mama. So does David. So does Angela. They just have not loved your no actions and actions towards me.
Mama- well? You scared me to death.
Me- good. That you needed to die Mama.
Me- the old you that lived without me was bound to shrivel and die? And your spirit was not to go with it? You did not come to die without me and all of my kids around? No. I’m just trying to get your trash out. I am floored you believed all that crap?
Mama- what crap?
Me- you blocked me? That means it was true to you what I have shared? Did you not see how bound up you were Mama? It had me bound up with you? That’s not god. Thats fears. I could not leave you like that.
And on it goes back and forth like daughters and Mamas do. My kids do that to me. Groom me. Every Mama is a queen to their children and children groom parents back. It’s love in motion. Sharing the new. Updating the old does. Trim. Cut. Curls. Make up. Lights camera actions. New day. New sets. New lines. New life.
Rehabilitation of an old situation. Trimming the fat. Sharing it with others. So we all can rehab ourselves. God is the supreme physician. Doctor and the Holy Spirit is the supreme counselor. And all I’ve done is follow gods leading. God knows what my Mama needs. And God shared it with me. Told me to obey and say.
I love you. Mama.
With radar like this. And a connection to god. That lead me straight to my own Mama on a wing and a prayer. This radar found her. I asked God for Mama. That’s what I got. Good. Bad. Sick. Or healthy. Mama. Mad. Sad. Glad. Mama.
Am I getting through? Clear as a bell always. Mama.
This radar is nothing more than a heightened awareness that I appear to have been born with. Sometimes I wish I did not sense like this? Seriously.
Back in the day when I would sense Mama in trouble all I could do was pray about it. Alone with God. Now? I can share my gift with her so she knows she’s got a prayer warrior in me. And that I hear and pray cover over here. Like when she recked the car? I prayed right before it happened. I prayed not a hair on her head would be harmed. She walked away from a totaled car. And I was thankful I answered the call for prayer and didn’t tell myself I’m crazy.
I don’t feel the reck was a punishment from god except for maybe punishing herself feeling bad about us. She’s my Mama. She feels bad and is struggling with what to do. Blocking is all she knows to do right now. It’s her MO. MO’s can change once highlighted and discussed about thoroughly.
And yes. She recked her car after a visit of mine!! That’s telling. God told me to pray. Something was going to happen to her. That’s all I got and when I get that kind of knowing I pray over it with cover and protection. And I believe. God always comes through. Like usual. But Mamas mind didn’t know I’d been doing that my whole life? She’s almost died a few times. But I prayed. Been really sick. I’ve prayed. It’s like breathing to me. Feel it. Pray.
My daughters are very gifted like this.
Chelsie’s visit to Mama was such a visit if healing for them both. Key.
Mama got a good look at many trait that are like my own in Chelsie. She’s amazing. So am I. We all are once we get past the past.
It’s not what’s on the table. It’s what we do with what’s on the table of life. I’m working this table for all it’s worth. Which is a lot to me.
In between checking on Mama in her long dark hallway of truths. I’m helping spread her table at the end beyond the glowing door of light. Sour dough bread. Brie. Wine. Meats. Veggies. Family shall surround Mama with love.
She’s not dead. It’s a come back from a dry hallways filled with yesterdays shit. We cleaned it out. No hoarding allowed!
The lords our Shepard and we do not want for a thing.
We all say things we later don’t mean anymore because we understand better. That’s good relations right there. Chelsie can block me all day. I still know when she’s thinking about me. She knows when I’m thinking about her. And we will be together soon. Again. Healed and better than before.