Thoughts and verbiage

I’m a perfectly sane, fun, enterprising woman who at 50 got tired of waiting on Mama to get with our new program.

I got tired of telling myself it would all work it’s way out. And I stood up and spoke my truth to express my full feelings about the importance of family ties to the twin woman who mean the most to me and the world.

On this small stage. I’ve stood up for us all. Damned what was said and set the record straight. Told on it all. No edit. Figure it out kind of mentality. Like it was given to me at birth. Deal with it. That’s how it is doll. Suck it up.

Well I sucked it up and now spewed it all back on you. How’s it feel? What do the words conjure up inside you? Stop reading or go on?

To ugly? Or can you see more than that yet?

I’ve always been going here. There. Where people don’t want light. Like a lightening bug.

These two broads have been in the dark. Meaning my Mamas. About me. They did really want to see the full me, just the peeves they liked. And that’s. A no no. Why? Cuz we came here to learn and grow. To be stretched. To be pushed and pulled. To expand our thinking then contract it to expand it again.

My Mamas were living an old narrative we had in fact outgrown. They. Stuck. Me waiting for them to get with it. Them. Stuck.

And I ask why not go there? Words words words. Deny. Accept. What is my Mama really denying herself? A new beginning.

Surrounded by stuff. When she could be surround by us. Who cares about the frying pan and paring knife? Give them away now. Invest in the future Mama. And buy more. Different. The possibilities are endless.

Why. No one has even thought to put her on YouTube but me I’ll never know? She’d be so perfect teaching cooking and talking to her fan and encouraging them? I’ve got all the equipment to help her get started? She could pray and maybe have a scripture at the end of the video?

Do guest appearances. Book features. Wine recommendations and beer. So fun. She’d love that if she could get over herself. 🤣

Oh I know I am a shit when I need to be one.

She’s got some pretty vintage dish-ware. Napkins. She’s a lot like Martha Stewart. She tiles. And does a mean mitered corner. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Her hairs amazing. And her personality is vibrant and alive. Even when we fight. She’s a passionate fighter. So funny seeing your Mama all upset after so many years. Comical after you get over the shock of it. I bet she was shocked too?

Driving to her house unannounced. Phyliss would even let anyone go to her house when she was young? Mama taught her well to guard her mind. A house is nothing more than a reflection of the mind of the owner.

Phylisss house, from what I’ve seen in pictures is amazing. And from what little Mama told me of it. Phyliss inspires me.

Haven’t seen Liz’s house yet? I’ve been told it’s cool too?

Nor have I seen Victoria’s dwelling place?

Family dynamics. So fun. Poor sports. More like it. Can’t even laugh at themselves. But I get it. I used to be that way. God loves us all for how silly and crazy and kooky we can be. That’s a fact.

And everything that’s between me and my Mama and family is just so what to god. It’s the value my family and Mama have placed on the words that keeps them from stepping forward to greet me properly.

And I am using this moment to also set a president as we move towards each other. The world stood by and watched us part. The world can watch us come back together and watch me the one who was separated do this task.

Seems adoption sucks at a merger. I’ll see about this. Or at reunions. Not much for stitching up but great and tearing apart. Lovely.

But. Being separated from my Mama made me a pro at common bonds and bonding. I literally saw Mama everywhere growing up. Now. Maybe I’ve got a special brain that sees that? Special equipment. High tech sensing abilities?

Or you can just call me crazy cuz you don’t seem to be able to learn? People say it’s crazy or she crazy when we don’t understand. All the greats were misunderstood by the masses.

Society killed Martin Luther and cant kill the idea. Dumb. Slow. Very backwards and held back. How long does it take society to get over color. How many of us are there? That long.

Instead of talking about lines drawn. How about we flip the pencil and erase some and draw new ones. Better one. Get over our old ways. Jump the fences.

My special mind can see connections to it all. Our actions lead by repetitive motion keep us doing the very thing Paul wrote about. That which we wish to not do. We do. What is that and how can we collectively change that? Or become aware of that side of our nature.

My situation forced me to change it. Look at the world so differently and yet my own Mama thinks I’m crazy? Does that sound helpful to you? I hope not.

Everyone around me is family. Animals. Insects. It’s all connected. Disconnect showed me how connections work. And. I’m fiddling with me and Mamas connection to tune it up.

I’m just voicing my thought to let you into my process. It’s a wiring issue. A rewire. Mamas wires are all jacked up. And she been fed a bit of bull shit. I was fed bullshit. But I stayed the course of love as the haters let their toxic words fly. At the end of each conversation it was clear, I was not changed by their lies flung at me my Mamas child. Fuck you. Or go to hell with that idea! Like. Way off buddy. Think again.

I won’t be tipped over that easy now. Linda made me. And Huey ain’t no slouch either. Good luck. God in the mix too. Ha ha. Funny one.

My Mama has been sick and tired of being sick and tired and calling it this or that. Grief Mama. Can set into the bones and it’s takes someone well versed in grief to break a woman out of that trap.

Well? God sent the best for this job. Why would god set us up to fail Mama? Nope. God is no failure maker. We do fine on our own with that department. Gods the fix it up Chappy.

Star belly Sneech’s style. In again. Out again. Round and round again. Until it doesn’t matter who go a star or not. Everyone’s confused. And they all get over themselves and toast whinnies. And sing songs.

But we think we all know it all don’t we? God is not silliness with a deep message now is he? Dr Seuss is not serious reading? Yet every child reads him first? Mine was the star belly Sneeches and other great stories. The pale green pants with nobody inside them to help kids know how to deal with different people and not be so scared.

Good stuff.

What the hell did my Mama think she sent me too? Strangers. Thank god for Dr Seuss. Only book that made sense to me.

Just yesterday Mama Jean was being strange. Upset. Wanted me to jump up and go make dinner. I was looking up a recipe. She snapped. Angry. Signs of Alzheimer’s taken affect. Put her nails into my head and pressed them in. Did not go deep. Thank god. Strange.

My daughter says I’m like a prisoner. I laugh. You just now seeing that girl I think in my head? But prison is a place to live and get fed and watch tv. It’s all how you choose to see it.

She’d be on drugs and a zombie in a home. Unless she harms me. I’ll allow and place myself in harms way for her care. Don’t think Mama saw that one coming? She popped at the first sight of trouble. Her trouble not mine.

This woman showed up and even when Mama finally shows up I’ll not back down. It’s trying as hell. Thank God for Dr. Seuss and humor. And weed to calm my nerves while she lets it all go. That woman held it in and she’s gonna let it out with me there. As I watch her lay her burdens down. That’s. How it should be.

Grandkids all around driving her sane and making her brain work for another day. They Entice her to stay. They like her drama. Just like they could like grammas drama with her.

It’s all so polar. And yet a merger demands a table. Round. Where all sit and speak. Even children. Especially children who are adults in training. We really do need to utilize the purity of children to help guide this mother ship. Kids know.

That’s why kids love me. That’s why they love my kids. They babble their babble and I learn so much. I show them what is and how to change it. Secret codes and downloads. Arming the future. Each day I go. Well, I say, you don’t have to do it like that. How would you like to do it? Then do that. Go on. Break the rules and make news ones so we all can win here. Win win.

The power of the truth set us all free the more we share it.

The more we practice the truth. The less upset we get. The more we just get over the shock quicker and adapt.

Mamas been off in her mind rocking me. Holding me. Damn it. That woman loves me. So deep I’ve got to tell you. She can’t seem too express it. For god sakes folks. I’m doing something about it. She’s not alone guys.

It’s time we look at what we do and why.

A good old review. Look at the facts. Stop all this nonsense and clash with the natural design in the name of salvation. What the guck is going on? Why? I wish to hear more dumb ass reason why society can’t seem to get the fuck together and why government is a piss poor excuse of an idea and can’t help a fly.

And yes. We kids. Kept or not want change. How do you even explain that do a closed of elder? Huh? Mother. Fathers. Evolve. Update. Whatever the words. Same. Move it or loose it sisters and brothers.

Saying it all out loud is what forces us all to hear how stupid it is. Dead end. Turn around. Collect yourselves. Leave the rest.

Let’s try again. Seriously how far must we drive this ship into the ground we walk on? Free will is costing us all. Let’s spend it well. Not just shoot our wades!!

The future always has to clean up the past. Like a hard drive needing a defragmentation. Our truth from the past changes the course and course corrections are needed.

Martin Luther-course corrector

Abe Lincoln.course corrector

Jesus-course corrector

Me- same as above

You-same as me.

All the arguments in this world are in the way of just saying fuck it. Let’s change course. That’s does seem better.

How long must men chew on something and woman stand by?

Can anyone else put it all together or am I the only one?

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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