Can’t say it’s really any less traumatic to hear it in words? Because we already know it’s not like we are dumb. We just don’t have the words to know what it’s called.
Children know when they have been passed off. Keeping the words from us is cruel. A cruel game that must end.
My own Mama played games with herself. And that ends too. For woman need to know what they do when they relinquish and they need to know the affects on their child.
My Mom thought adoption was a cure for her and me. I hope she’s happy with the results? All the pain I’ve gone through trying to figure it all out. Finding the words to describe it all has been work to calm my mind because nothing added up.
Our parents may be removed but their unique dna signatures left within us. And for me? An alarm went off inside. My bond to my Mama is stronger than any papers she signed. And that dry ink faded.
While I was churning and my mind going miles and miles an hour. Questions need answers. Answers My Mama swallowed alive like a bullet. Proof of what she did to herself came back.
All I did was show up and speak and read her the riot act. Bing bing bingo. Natural.
I pointed at her own storm within. And gave her the words to describe it. And? That’s a friend. She’s damned lucky.
Growing old with junk in the trunk causes health issues. I’ve watch people grow old and die. They flip out at some point and all the junk in the trunk comes up at the end or you clean it up first and have a smooth transition.
I learned to clean as I go. I just speak the truth I feel. Let it go. Move on. But Mama been a tough case. She holds on. Because I hit her like a brick house and pushed all the buttons she thought she hid from even me.
The plus of walking in the darkness of your Mamas mind is that now it’s all out. Her doors open. But our Mamas get used to their prisons of mistakes. So she’s got to realize she can walk out now. And that nothing holds her back but her fears of a new day.
The worst is over for us.
Yes. I went through it feeling alone. But I know she and her guilts lead me right back to her door to. Clean up the mess.
And that is God showing who’s on the throne. Yes. It is. For god doesn’t leave us in prison. Jesus came to set us free.
So. Put the bats down. We know. And yes. We are as angry as you Mamas. And our anger must be channeled properly to change this forever.